September

I am looking forward to the coming year, and losing the weight. I am looking forward, to running, and laughing with my son next summer, and heading to the lake and pool. I will not be upset if I do not make goal when I want to because it is my body's decision how fast or slow I lose.

I officially put up my site today. I don't feel stressed either. I will be writing a daily journal but will most likely upload it to the site, each week, when I update my progress. Today has been good so far. I went for a short walk (15 minutes) Told you it was short, and have been trying to drink my water, some day's it is harder than other with the water. But slowly I am getting on track again. I am feeling good about myself for the first time in a long time, even though I have not lost the weight yet. The whole self worth and self-esteem issue seems to be evening out.

I think the self-affirmation in the mirror has helped me tremendously, and the writing. I have been writing each day. Emotions, feelings, thoughts, memories, what I am or have been going through. It has helped me cleanse (Not sure if that is the right word) to move on to the new me. Oh there are still moments when I hear McDonalds calling my name, and generally I give in, but nothing like before, I will go now, and have a hamburger, sm. fries, and an iced tea or water. Nothing like what I used to get. I think I am finally starting to win the battle, if that is possible.

It is a battle, to me not unlike a disease, that has taken over my life and body for so long. I is hard to change our ways after so long one way, to suddenly switch, it was a very emotional time for me, that is why I took my old site down in the first place. I don't regret my decision; just that I know I had many people who stopped by, and then I feel like I deserted them when I left. I needed to focus on me for a while. Something I was not doing before. My site had just gotten to big for me. So simple is the key. Not necessarily for success, but for my life, plain and simple.

It is hard to believe I will be 30 in a week, time has slipped away from me, and my son is growing each day. I feel in some ways I failed him, I could not run and jump and skip and play for hours, no matter how much I wanted to. Don't get me wrong, I know I was/am not a bad mother, I love my son more than anything. I spend quality time with him, we read, and write, and play. Sometimes I think I could have done more, been more. I cannot close my eyes and go back to those days, but I can close my eyes and see a future. I don't want to regret my sons childhood, I don't want to regret the wasted years, I want to rejoice in the new me, and share my life.

Went to the fair today with my sister, I had an omelet, and toast. As opposed to hamburger, fries, and equally bad stuff at the fair. I only have had one glass of water today. Just was not that thirsty. I know that is not an excuse, and I really need to get that water in. I am drinking water now. It is 6pm my time, I am not sure I can get all 104 oz in, well - one glass, so about 96 oz in by I am going to try to. Today I was feeling not quite myself, not sure if that is because I got AF yesterday or if I am coming down with something, as there is a flu going around. I will start weighing in weekly next Saturday. I weigh in first thing in the morning. I hear that is the most accurate weight. Before you eat or drink, but after you go to the bathroom. Not sure how true that is but… I figure if I weigh in at approx. the same time each week, I should get a realistic look at how I am doing.

I will be walking tonight, usually for 1.5 hours and always taking water etc with me. To drink on the way, that will help me get my water in for today, I take a 33 oz bottle, and usually refill it at the gas station about 1/2 way through our walk. So that is almost 66oz of what I need.

Today I am feeling well like I said not quite myself, and although I did not eat well, I did not eat enough either. These are things I really have to work on. I am still working on the self-affirmations every morning, and I really think they help, or at least they work for me. I am also starting to get up 30 minutes earlier than I used to, so that I have time to do a short work out in the morning, before going to work. I am not sure what I will do. I have my exercise bike, and step then hand weights. So I may rotated and do 15 minutes bike, and 15 minutes step one day then the next 15 minutes weights, and 15 minutes stretching, toning, and crunches etc. I really can't do a tape in the morning, since the only VCR is upstairs and the others will still be sleeping, everything else is downstairs so should not be too hard to do it. I need to remember to go to bed a little earlier though LOL.

I think I mentioned before that I would write my journal daily, and may upload every couple of days. For sure will be uploading every Saturday morning, with the week prior, and will wait until I have weighed in etc for so I can update my progress page at the same time. Sorry my picture page is still not working. They graphics are taking forever to upload when I get them loaded I will leave a message on my front page so people who are coming back will know that they are working now.

Well I tried to do 15 minutes on the bike and 15 minutes on the step this morning LOL Tried, that is, that seems so daunting at first, I made it through 5 on each barely. So time to rethink the game plan, I am doing to do 2 minutes on each to start then work my way up to the 15. I may add a quick walk in the am, since that is something I can do.

Was the first day of school today here, Curtis is in grade 1 now! They grow so fast. Another reason for us not really wanting to wait any longer to have another baby. It will happen in time. He had a good day, and can't wait to find out who his teacher is for this year. They do not actually get placed in their classes until Thursday that is for the whole schools not just grade ones. Generally have shuffling to do.

I am doing well on my water today. I feel great about that. It is 5:34 and I am on my 8th glass, which holds about a cup and a bit. I will be noting my water each day and my fruits and veggies as well. Like below, but it will be at the end of my post

That will help keep me on track as well I hope. I am so looking forward to this journey. I am not afraid anymore, I am ready to face my fears, and challenges head on, and succeed. My first goal is 20 lbs. for Christmas, I think I can do it, basically it is 5 lbs. a month I am sure I can do it. I don't think that is over doing it. I am hoping to reach my Goal weight by August 2002 it will be my second anniversary. (That is if we don't get pregnant first! LOL) Then I will post pone, it a year or so,.

I do find that renewing my focus on weight loss has taken the focus off having a baby and allowed me the opportunity to just sit back relax, and enjoy life again. Not getting pregnant when we wanted to, had me an emotional mess, I was blaming myself, and getting very depressed when I found out someone else I knew, was pregnant, or had had a baby. Now I just figure my time will come. I am trying though. We have started the BBT charting (Basil Body Temperature) the core temperature that changes mildly, when things occur in your body, such as ovulation.

Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you all fulfill your weight loss goals

What a day! Work was extremely busy that is for sure. I started the day off with a quick 15-minute walk, then walk 45 tonight, will do the same tomorrow. Only with a 1.5-hour walk tomorrow. I am feeling great. The water is working out fine. Which is good. I was kind of scared that going back to work, the water would fall by the way side again, but it didn't I ate really good as well. I had Tuna sandwich, veggies, fruit some crackers and water, some mini rice cakes (they are good by the way!) and plenty of water, I was not hungry at dinner, but had an egg, and toast. I will lose 20 lbs. of fat by Christmas. I know I can do it. The positive re-enforcement has really helped a lot as well. Made me see myself in a whole different light, which was what I really needed to do. Love me for me. It was really hard to look myself in the mirror each day, and find the things about me which were good. Even harder to make myself believe all the stuff I was saying.

It will be a long road to goal, but with friends and family, and support, I know I will do this. This time I am doing it for me. I am a firm believer in "Me Time" And have always stated that time for you is just as important as time with family, and friends. Even more so I find when I am dieting, I need that time with just me, to unwind, and get real with myself. Not even for a work out, with a book, or writing, or working on my journal, even having a bath has helped me. I hope it continues to as well.

I am looking forward to the time I can post and say I made my first goal (20lbs for Christmas) And the time I can say I reached my goal weight. As you can see from below I still need to work on my fruit, but the water and veggies were better.

 September 6 2001

Well tomorrow is my 30th birthday! Ugh. I have the day off work so that is nice going to take my son to school and have a nice bubble bath LOL. Went for a long walk tonight with the ladies I walk with, was nice, 1.5 hours, not to bad I guess. I also walked 30 minutes this morning before work. I feel great today I was really thirsty and drank tons of water maybe to much. Can you drink to much. HMM I guess I should look into that.

It seems to be getting easier and easier, I know there are still hard times ahead, but… I know I can get through them. I have been rising to the challenge so far. It makes me feel happy, and confident that I can make it to my first goal which is losing 20 lbs for Christmas.

Happy Birthday to me! Well I am officially 30 now. Pretty emotional let me tell you. Oh I know 30 is not old to most people. But right now in my life I feel old, and I feel I have let the world slip passed me without ever getting on for the ride. Sometimes life can be so tough, and others so easy. Too bad it wasn't always easy. LOL

I walked 30 minutes this morning, and am planning on another one this afternoon, not sure for how long. My son is in school, my husband at work so I get to have a me day. I am going to finish this entry clean up a bit, and laze out on the couch for an hour or two watching a couple of talk shows. I don't get to see them much because of work. I already had my bubble bath and am now feeling relaxed. I will write more later (9:01 am)

Well I am officially 30 now. It is not that bad LOL. I think I can live with it. I am cleaning house today we have people coming over tonight. So I guess I should clean LOL. I went for my walk this morning, and am doing great on my water I had a poached egg today, and 2 pieces of toast, and 1 potato made into home made hash browns. I am not that hungry yet, so will eat later, may have an apple or something soon though.

I still do the affirmations each morning, and it works for me. Like I have said before. I am looking forward to the rest of my weight loss journey. I know there will be some ups and downs, and it won't always be perfect, but…. I know I can make it.

Hi everyone. Ugh remind me never to drink again. LOL we had a party last night because Friday was my 30th birthday lets just say I had a little too much to drink, and am feeling it now. It hits me hard, because we rarely drink any thing excuses of course. Today was the birthday party for my niece who is going to be 4 tomorrow. So we went to a local park and had a BBQ, so I had a hotdog, and some salad. We went to a local country fair (No rides) and wandered and had a hayride etc that is it. I didn't do that great today though.

Today was Monday so back to work for me, I was so tried, and I am still fighting the flu bug that has been going around the office, I worked really hard on my water today and went for walks for about 30 minutes. I had salmon, a banana, carrots, celery, and cheese for lunch, and had chocolate milk when I got home.

I know I can do this, I have to tell myself I can do it, kind of like a built in moral support.

The world as we know it will never be the same. As I turned on the news this morning, and found out what was happening in the USA. At first I thought it was some kind of sick joke, then reality came crashing down. As I kept watching, I realized that nothing would be the same again. Being Canadian it all seemed unrealistic to me.

My thoughts and prayers are with the many people who have been impacted by these tragic events, and my words can not express my great sorrow for all the innocent victims and their families. I listened to the leaders of our countries speak of the incident that rocked a nation,

The scariest thing is there was no warning, and as of this moment, no one has taken the blame for this terrorist act. It could have happened anywhere, at anytime. I had never thought I would see this in my lifetime.

May god watch over all of us during this time.

I am still reeling from the events that took place yesterday my heart is heavy. It seems wrong to go on when so many people can't. I know that I must go on. But it is so hard.

I am not sure my diet went that well this week although I still hold out hope for the Saturday weigh in. Not much but there is hope.