SEASON FIVE

EPISODE 4: IF WISHES WERE BOOKS...
PART ONE

By: Elektra

 SPACE: THE FINAL FRONTIER. THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE WWF TITANPRIZE. IT'S MISSION: TO EXPLORE AND ENTERTAIN NEW SOCIETIES AND NEW CIVILIZATIONS.  TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO WRESTLER HAS GONE BEFORE!

TITANPRIZE CREW:

Captain Vincent K. McMahon
First Officer, Commander Shane McMahon
Chief Engineer, Commander Stephanie McMahon
Chief of Chiefs, Commander Linda McMahon
Chief of Security, Commander Kane
Chief Medical Officer, Dr. Taker
Diagnostics Officer, Lieutenant Commander Jericho
Tactical Officer, Lieutenant Commander Austin
Transporter Chief, Lieutenant Commander Debra McMichael
Communications Officer, Lieutenant Rock
Counselor Al Snow (assisted by H.E.A.D.)

... And many more!

WWF TITANPRIZE - CAPTAIN'S READY ROOM

    "Captain's log, stardate 062820.00. The Titanprize is in orbit around Planet Kanata. The Kanatians seem to keep inviting us back, no doubt due to the numerous Kanatians on board. We have a few personal appearances to recruit new blood into WrestleFleet in Lt. Commander Jericho's home town. He seems quite excited to get out of Engineering and go planet side. End log..." Captain McMahon closed his log book.

    The Captain leaned back in his chair and sighed. On a more personal note, he wondered what was happening between Stephanie and her husband. Lately, Ensign Helmsley had been spending double shifts on the bridge, and almost no time with his wife.

    Although Vince had not seen his own wife in quite some time, they still called each other on the Wrestlefleet subspace vid-phones for some flirting and conversation.

    Ah well.

    Stephanie was a McMahon. She knew about duty, and the life of a WrestleFleet officer. She was used to it.

*    *    *

THE SMACKDOWN

    "I can't believe you forgot about Stephanie's birthday, Hunter!" Tori scolded her friend as she sat on X-Pac's lap.

    "Hey, I've been busy on the bridge!" Ensign Helmsley replied, "I'm trying to work my way up from Ensign!"

    Tori shook her head, "Speaking from a strictly female point of view, if MY man had forgotten my birthday, I'd dump him right there!" then she smiled at X-Pac, "But luckily you remembered, didn't you, baby..?"

    X-Pac smiled, "How could I forget? Not after what we did that night!"

    Tori offered a sly smile, "And how many times we did it..."

    X-Pac looked at HHH with a smile, "She was VERY happy I remembered!" then he paused, "Speaking of which... when was the last time you and Stephie made each other very happy?"

    "None of your damn business!" Helmsley snapped.

    "Woah," Road Dogg started, "That long, huh?"

    Helmsley calmed down a bit, "She's either asleep or in Engineering when I have time off!"

   Tori offered an idea,  "Why don't you plan your duty shift the same time she has HERS? That way you're both off at the same time and---"

    "Why don't you keep your nose OUT of my personal business!" he snapped, and stormed out of the Smackdown.

    "Well excuse me for trying to help him save his marriage!" Tori replied, taken aback at her friend's rude behaviour, "It's like he doesn't even CARE anymore!!"

    "Of course he doesn't..." Chyna spoke as she came up to the group. She had heard everything Helmsley had said before he left, "The only thing Hunter cares about now is power. He's ALWAYS loved power more then any wife..." she sighed sadly, "Or girlfriend..." she finished. She knew from experience.  "Why do you think we broke up? He's great to you the first few months... then..." she shrugged, "It's like you don't matter anymore if you're taking time away from him pursuing his goals..."

    Someone came up to Chyna and slipped an arm slipped around her waist,  "Ay, Mamacita!" Ensign Eddie Guerrero started, "You look so sad and serious! Everything ok?"

    "Everything is fine, honey," she said with a smile. Her and Ensign Guerrero had been together for some months now, and he STILL treated her as if she were the most important thing in his life... despite their arguments once in a while (the latest being how he stood by and allowed Lieutenants Farooq and Bradshaw insult her... but then that day, NO ONE was in their right mind).

    Eddie took a step back, arms out, showing himself off, "What do you think of my new 'do, Mamacita?" he asked.

    Chyna had noticed his new hair-cut immediately, and smiled brightly, "You look so handsome, Eddie!" she held a hand out, "Come. It's time for my break. Let's make the most of it!" she said as he took her hand.

    "I always make the most of my time with Mamacita!" he replied, and winked at the group sitting at the table. He eagerly let Chyna lead him out the door of the Smackdown.

*    *    *

WRESTLEFLEET ACADEMY, JUNIOR GROUP - WIN-A-PEG CITY, PLANET KANATA

    Lt. Commander Jericho was expecting a warm homecoming reception. He was expecting an 'around town' news segment about the Universe's only android WrestleFleet officer visiting his fellow countrymen.  He was expecting a lot of things.

    What he got was a group of noisy young WrestleFleet wanna-be's shouting for Lieutenant Commander Austin and Lieutenant Rock. The WrestleFleet hopefuls ranged in age from 10-15 and all had hopes of joining WrestleFleet and serving aboard it's flagship, the WWF Titanprize.

    Jericho silently cursed Captain McMahon for sending him on this assignment. Keeping these kids occupied until their heroes brought their (as Lt. Rock would say) candy-asses to the lecture hall would take a LOT of work!

    "Come on, where's Lt. Commander Austin?!" a kid shouted.

    "Where's Lt. Rock?" another shouted.

    "Who the heck are YOU?" a third called out.

    The Y2J Unit didn't reply to the last question. Obviously this young cadet wasn't very bright. "Austin and Rock are coming soon. Until then, I... um... " he paused, and looked towards the back of the room. Ensign Angle was talking with Commander Stephanie, and Ensign Helmsley - who seemed to be paying even less attention to her then normal.  Jericho turned back to the kids in front of him, "Ensign Angle will entertain you!" he said quickly, happy to throw the responsibility on the self-proclaimed hero. "Yo, KIRK!" he called out.

    Ensign Angle looked up to see Jericho waving him over. He politely excused himself, and proudly stepped up to the podium on the stage of the Academy's cafeteria, "Hi... I'm Ensign Kurt Angle, YOUR WrestleFleet hero!"

    Jericho stood on the side of the stage, unseen by the kids but in full view of the egotistical Ensign. He crossed his arms in front of him and leaned against the back wall, waiting to see how long it would take before the kids started throwing things at Angle.

    Angle was still speaking, oblivious to the mutters and comments from the kids in front of him, "Let me tell you a story," he said, "You see, once upon a time, there was a man. One day, he was walking through the Mountains. Mountains, in fact, on this very planet! As he walked, he came upon a stone. It was a pretty stone. Gold! Though not the shiny gold like my gold-medals... which were once used to power the Titanprize during a blackout..." he muttered the last sentence bitterly, then perked up, "Anyway, he found this stone. Under the stone was a book! He opened the book, and the inscription read Thouest who holdeth the book, may taketh from it one wish! The man was at a loss! The book held the ULTIMATE power! With it, he could wish for anything! Why, he could even be a hero... like myself!"

    A tomato flew by Ensign Angle's head. He quickly ducked it, and looked at where it had come from. A kid smiled.  "Hey now...!" Ensign Angle scolded, "You can hurt someone doing that!"

    "You're hurting US with your stupid story!" The kid shouted.  "What do you take us for? You're nothing but a WrestleFleet LOSER!"

    Ensign Angle was taken aback, "That's hardly a nice thing to say to---"

    "Oh stuff it!" Another kid shouted. "You're standing there, telling us some crappy story, and expecting us to believe it! We want Lt. Rock!"

    A loud chant for Lt. Rock broke out.

    "But IT'S TRUE! IT'S TRUE!" Ensign Angle insisted. Unfortunately none of the children heard him over their chanting. Lt. Commander Jericho chuckled quietly off to the side.  Ensign Angle looked at him, "Can you help me here, Lt. Commander?" he asked.

    The Y2J Unit shook his head, "Kirk, NOTHING can help you with these kids! Not even your stupid story." he said.

    "But... IT'S TRUE, I tell you! IT IS IT IS!!" Angle was at a loss. He frowned, and turned to the children. "I am very disappointed in you! None of you have any integrity! How DARE you laugh at your WrestleFleet hero?!'

    A super-sticky peanut-butter sandwich smacked him right in the face. Peanut-butter slid down his nose and his uniform.

    Lt. Commander Jericho burst out laughing.

    Commander Stephanie went up to him angrily, Triple H following close behind, "You find this funny, Lt. Commander Jericho?!" she snapped.

    The Y2J Unit quickly sobered up. So much for his good mood, "Why yes, Commander! I DO find this funny. In fact, I find it HILARIOUS!"

    "Well, it's NOT funny! Look at poor Kurt! There's peanut-butter is all over him!" Commander Stephanie snapped.

    "Better the peanut-butter all over him, then you all over him!" Jericho replied.

    "HEY! How DARE you insult the lovely Stephanie McMahon!" Angle snapped as he came offstage, figuring these children just didn't have enough intelligence to bother himself with.

    Jericho looked at him, "Are your lips surgically attached to Stephanie's butt, or can you remove them once in a while, Kirk?"

    "Are you ALWAYS such a big jerk, or can you remove the jerk-chip once in a while, Chris?" Commander Stephanie replied.

       "He can't help it, Commander," Angle spoke, "It must be a programming defect!"

    "DEFECT?!" Jericho snapped, "Are you saying that MY beautiful positronic brain has a DEFECT? YOU would know more about defects then ME, Ensign Angle! After all, YOU are the one defending a filthy, disgusting, brutal, bottom-feeding, trashbag 'ho!"

    Stephanie looked at Triple H, waiting for him to defend her... but he seemed too lost in his own little world to bother defending the honour of his wife.

    Commander Stephanie's lower lip quivered... but she would not cry. Not here. Not now! If the Earth had swallowed her whole, Hunter STILL wouldn't notice!

    Damn Hunter! Even the ever-annoying Y2J Unit had been paying more attention to her lately!

    Damn them both to hell!

*    *    *

THE SMACKDOWN

    "I heard about Ensign Angle's story down on Kanata, Miss Chyna..." Ensign Crash began as he sipped at a cold glass of milk.  "Do you think he WAS telling the truth? About the book, I mean?"

    Chyna handed him a plate of cookies. He stuffed one into his mouth happily, "I don't know, Crash," Chyna said,  "I'm a little wary of stories regarding magic books!"

    "Do ya think we could go on a scavenger hunt? You, me, and Ensign Guerrero sir! It would be so coooool, Miss Chyna! Just think! If the story WAS true.... if there WAS a book that could give someone one wish! I could wish myself to be taller!" he said. Only to Miss Chyna would he actually admit that perhaps he wasn't quite 6'6".

    Chyna thought about it, "Hmm... I wouldn't mind making myself a little stronger..." she said, then smiled, "But the whole idea is silly though...."

    "Awww... c'mon, Miss Chyna! Even if we find nothing, I still wanna check out the mountains on Kanata! I hear they're real purty! You and Ensign Guerrero sir could have a nice romantic moment there..."

    NOW Chyna began to think about it....

     A few feet away, two blonde brothers overheard the small Houdinian's happy chatter. Ensign Christian turned to Ensign Edge, "What do you think, Edge? Just imagine! If we found that book, we could be on the cover of every magazine from here to the Delta Quadrant! Would that not be just SO cool?"

    "What a brilliant idea, Christian! Can you imagine how many people would pay to get our autographs then!?" Ensign Edge replied.

    "So... what do you say to sneaking down to Kanata and visiting the mountains, Edge? It IS our home planet after all, right?" Ensign Christian said.

    Ensign Edge nodded, "You got it, brother!" The two quickly headed back to their quarters to make plans.

*    *    *

McMAHON-HELMSLEY QUARTERS

    It was a rare occasion that Hunter was home at the same time as Stephanie. She went up to him, in a rather revealing negligie, and put her arms around his neck, "So what do you think, sweetie? We finally have a night alone together! How about we--"

    "Not now, Steph..." Ensign Helmsley replied.

    Stephanie brought her arms to her side, and looked at him, "What do you mean not now? If not now, then WHEN? Hunter, it's been so long since we were together like this... I---"

    "Do you think Angle was telling the truth?" he asked suddenly, interrupting her.

    Stephanie blinked, "The truth? What... about that book?" she frowned, "At a time like this, THAT'S what you think about?!" she asked, "Didn't you notice that we're finally alone together?! Didn't you notice what I'm wearing? "

    He looked at her, "Oh... yeah.. nice nightgown.." he said, then smiled, "It's my favourite colour,"

    Stephanie sat down, defeated, "Your favourite colour? That's all you can say?" she asked, then shook her head, "Do you even know what MY favourite colour is?"

    He sat beside her, "Of course I do, Steph! It's..." he paused, and thought for a moment, "It's... YELLOW... isn't it?!" he asked.

    Stephanie jumped to her feet angrily, "Damn you, Hunter! You don't even know! Even the stupid ANDROID knows!"

    "Android? That pathetic Y2J Unit?!" Hunter asked as he got to his feet.

    "Yes! HIM!"

    "IT!" Hunter replied. "IT! You keep calling Jericho a HIM. It's a THING Stephanie!" he shook his head, "Never mind! I KNOW yellow is your favourite colour! All your uniforms are that colour!" he replied.

    "Then is it safe to assume that YOUR favourite colour is RED? All your uniforms are RED!" Stephanie snapped.

    "You KNOW my favourite colour is blue!" he said, "My uniforms are red because that's the colour for bridge crew!"

    "And my uniforms are yellow because that's the colour for Engineering crew!" Stephanie replied, then shook her head, "Forget it! I'm going to bed!"

    "Wait! I wanted to talk to you about that book!"

    "If you care about the book so much, then maybe you should marry the BOOK! You'd probably pay more attention to IT then ME!" Stephanie snapped.

    Triple H grew angry, "Maybe I should have waited longer before I married you! I thought you WANTED power!"

    Stephanie looked at him, and finally realized what everything was about, "Power?" she said, her voice a choked whisper, "Is that the only reason you married me?!" she held back the tears, and let her temper rise, "And here I thought you actually CARED about me!"

    "That's not what I meant, Steph..." Hunter started, "I DO care about you!"

    Stephanie nodded, staring at the floor blankly, "You care about me..." she said, "But... do you love me?" she looked up at him, "Did you ever love me, Hunter? Or was it all playful flirting,  physical fun, and the desire for power?"

"Steph…" he started.

Stephanie shook her head, "You don't even know anything about me! You never asked about my childhood, even when I asked about YOURS! You never asked why I got into WrestleFleet, even when I asked YOU!" she hugged herself, "And when I have bad days in Engineering, you never ask me if I'm ok! When I come home upset, you never ask me what's wrong! You never even NOTICE!" she snapped, then turned to her room, "I'm going to bed now, Hunter. Please... DON'T join me..."

    With that, Stephanie walked into her room and shut the door quietly.

    Hunter didn't bother going after her.

*    *    *

ENGINEERING - THE NEXT DAY

    Commander Stephanie came through the doors of Engineering. Ensign Lita and the Hardys were casually chatting and laughing with the Y2J Unit. Stephanie watched them for a moment.

     Lt. Commander Jericho seemed to have a lot of friends. She briefly wondered where all HER friends were... but no point in thinking about that now! Instead,  Stephanie offered the three young Aerialians a cold glare,  "Why are you three just standing there? Don't you have work to do?! GET TO IT!" she snapped impatiently.

    The three young crewmembers quickly set about their duties.

    Lt. Commander Jericho raised an eyebrow as Stephanie began to study the readouts on the console beside him, "Nice to see you're your usual bright and sunny self this morning..." he said sarcastically, "What's wrong? Your hubby found out you've been playing tonsil hockey with everything that breathes?"

    Stephanie closed her eyes. She REALLY didn't want to talk about Triple H right now, "Just.... be quiet..." she whispered.

    Lt. Commander Jericho looked at her, and blinked in surprise, "What's this! No insult? No snappy retort? That's not like you, Skankanie..."

    Commander Stephanie let out a bitter laugh, ignoring his new nickname for her, "Figures YOU notice when there's something upsetting me!" she replied. It was more then her own husband did. "How sad is THAT?" she muttered.

    Lt. Commander Jericho looked at her warily, "Ok... something IS upsetting you... and I really don't want to know about it..." he said, and turned back to his Engineering station.

    "I don't know if he loves me..." Stephanie said suddenly, then cursed herself. Why the hell did she just blurt that out to a stupid robot who couldn't possibly understand?

    The Y2J Unit stopped what he was doing, "Stephanie, honestly, I am NOT the one you want to talk to about your hubby problems. You're just going to regret it. I know you. Then you'll go and take it out on me, and the Hardy brothers, and Ensign Lita... and make all our lives a living hell!"  he sighed, "I suggest any problems with Triple Nose... I mean... Triple H... should be talked about WITH Triple H... or... Counselor Snow even,"

    Stephanie stared at him, "You know... that's the most you've said to me without throwing an insult in! I'm proud of you, Lt. Commander! You CAN have a somewhat intelligent conversation!"

    "Ahhh... NOW we're back to normal...!" Jericho replied, and hid the smile. He really didn't want to see Stephanie break down and cry in Engineering.  It would be unfitting for an officer in her position... and really embarrassing to boot! "By the way..." he began, "Ensign Angle's magic mountain story seems to have made the rounds on the ship... much like your bedroom skills..."

    "Shut up, you stupid---" Stephanie stopped and thought for a minute, "Hmm... I don't suppose you'd like to do some mountain climbing, would you?" she asked.

    "I don't believe in fairy tales, Skankanie. Maybe YOU want to waste time searching for a book that doesn't exist, but I don't..."

    "Then I am ordering you!" Stephanie replied.

    He looked at her, incensed, "ORDERING me? Let me guess - you need someone to carry your supplies?"  he shook his head, "Isn't it something you'd rather do with your hubby? Mountains are supposed to be romantic and all... or will any young Ensign do for that kind of thing?" he asked.

    "You, me, and Ensign Angle are going to beam down to the Kanatian mountains, and that is final!" she said.   "Maybe if I find the book for Hunter and surprise him with it, he'll realize that he DOES love me!" Stephanie thought.

    She hoped Angle was right! This book could either save her marriage... or destroy it completely.

TO BE CONTINUED