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If you are uncomfortable with people being sexually attracted to you and/or flirting with you, then you might be uncomfortable at swinging events; similarly, if your relationship with your partner is on shaky ground, you might find seeing him or her flirt or be flirted with to be an uncomfortable experience. If either of you have hidden agendas concerning finding a permanent "replacement" for each other, you're probably in for a major emotional disaster. If you and your partner cannot communicate directly about relationships and sex, you're probably eventually in for a similarly-sized disaster. In general, sex can provoke strong feelings along with its many pleasures; so if you aren't comfortable dealing with emotions, then perhaps it might be better to wait a little while before exploring "the scene." If you are bothered by seeing people have sex without condoms, then you might want to avoid some of the larger play areas in many on-premises swinger's events. Although it's unusual for requests to use condoms to be argued over, it is certainly true that not all on-premises clubs require the use of safer sex precautions. Most, including DEBAUCHERY, have them available but leave the actual decision about usage to the participants. Depending on your experience with people other than swingers, seeing others not use condoms may be unsettling to you. You should know what your own standards are with regard to safer sex, and be willing to articulate them to new people or couples you are about to have sex with. If you are offended by phobia against bi men, then you should be prepared to either look for a party that is more open-minded on this particular issue, wait for attitudes in the community to change (which I believe may happen in the next five years or so), or else attend anyway and make a point of not letting small-minded comments go unchallenged. If you are a single male, you might actually be better off waiting until you are in a suitable relationship before attempting to become active in swinging - some swingers parties allow single guys to attend, but you will be charged a lot more than if you attended with a female partner, and there will be more guys (sometimes many more) then women at those parties. In the context of swinging, "couples" need not be married. They should, however, have at least a little history together and familiarity with each others' emotional needs, and be comfortable approaching others as a "couple." The general rule of thumb is that swinging works best when couples view swinging as an enhancement to their existing sexual relationship, rather than as a replacement for a failing one. As one would expect, good communication is critical in any attempt at swinging as a couple. There are many, many different forms that swinging may take, and whichever one you choose is fine as long as you and your partner are clear about what you are doing and why. Sex has the potential to be an emotionally-charged area, and the pleasures that may be found in swinging can generally be reached only when both partners are sensitive to each others' needs, and put their partners comfort first. From a more pragmatic point of view, there will always be another party, another personal ad, another Saints and Sinners Ball; however, there may not be another chance to salvage an exploration into swinging if one partner becomes overwhelmed in "the garden of delights" and forgets to treat his or her primary partner with sensitivity and respect. It's important to keep in mind that swinging is primarily a SOCIAL activity. The ordinary social customs of meeting people and initiating a conversation are really not that different than at any other type of social gathering, and the process by which acquaintances become close friends is not that different either. The key social traits that tend to be appreciated in the swinging community are responsibility, friendliness, flirtatiousness, open-mindedness, and most importantly stability with regard to one's primary relationship. As is the case with almost all human social endeavours, if you already know people in a particular community you'll probably be happier if you attend your first few events with these people so they can introduce you to others. Waiting a little while and watching how others behave is also a good idea, as it is in almost any new social situation. Common courtesy, of course, is as welcome in the swinging community as it is in any other community - we're all just people, after all. There are several different styles of swinging which you may see in the swinging community. Some people may prefer not to be around when their partner is having sex with someone else ("closed swinging"), while others may insist on it ("open swinging"). The term "foreplay only" refers to trading partners just for the purposes of kissing/oral etc and then switching back to one's primary partner for any actual sex. It might be valuable for you to think about whether there are any potential situations that you feel you would be more or less comfortable in, and discuss these with your partner. Although not all couples find it necessary to do this, some couples feel more comfortable having social "codes" that only the two of them know. Examples might be discreet phrases or gestures which mean a) one of you is attracted to the people or person he or she is talking to and wants to know if you are interested in swinging with them, b) a reply to the above, either affirmatively or negatively, and c) one of you is not having a good time and wants to get away from things for a while. At off-premises events such as Balls, it's common for people to dress up or else wear fairly sexy clothing. Dress at on-premises events tends to be more casual, since nudity is a common outcome of the evening for many. At on-premises parties it's a good idea to avoid wearing lots of jewellery that might get lost. If there's a dress theme for a particular event, go with the theme. By the way, it is not necessary to actually have sex with other people to have a good time in the swinging community. Off-premises activities such as Saints and Sinners can provide a wonderful opportunity to flirt and be flirted with in a non-threatening yet sexually-charged atmosphere, which can be fun in and of itself. On-premises activities can provide an opportunity to appreciate the sights and sounds of sex as an enhancement to sex with your primary partner, whether you two decide to have sex at the party or after the party. Read more |