Stonehart Gardens Hockey Association

Rules & Regulations

All rules must be approved by league hierarchy before being incorporated into gameplay

• Rule #1: You do not talk about SGHA
• Rule #2: You DO NOT talk about SGHA
• Rule #3: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT SGHA

• No Senators 'fans' are allowed to play. Their complete lack of dignity and intelligence is not what this league needs or wants. We would be surprised if any Senators fans could tie his own skates for that matter, the complexity of the simple knot is often mind-boggling to them.

• Carelessness with stick resulting in the loss of an players eye is punished with the removal of testicles, forced use of the mushroom cut, and name change to marian.

• Non-Leafs fans altogether will have a tough time playing in games. Anything is legal when ditrected at non-Leafs fans, be it spearing, clotheslining, slashing, or hitting from behind, it's all fine. GO LEAFS GO

• There are no injury time-outs or time-outs for any reason. If you're hurt, skate it off. Zero sympathy will be directed in the direction of a injured player. Non-injured players (aka Tough Guys) are encouraged to make fun of injured wusses (aka Carebears) Skating to either team bench is fine, but the play must continue no matter what. The only way to get a stoppage in play is if either of the goalies gets knocked down or dislodged.

• Penalties [A] or penalty shots [B] are awarded (victims choice) if a stick is thrown and it interferes with a goal. [A] Players must sit on the penalty bench until a goal is scored by either team. [B] Penalty shots are taken from the middle 'Red Dot' in front of the nets. Play resumes instantly.

• Before games begin, representatives from both the Gamblers and Crazy Train must meet at center and engage in the time-tested tradition of Paper-Rock-Scissors. Winner picks which way his team wants to shoot. Games are played unitl one team reaches 10 goals. Overtime? Not here.

• You can't score in the bottom hole in the crease. Doing so , results in A No Goal and sissiness altogether. You can't score bottom hole in OT either (9-9 Tie).

• Hitting is legal only behind the 'White Boundary Line of No Return'.

• Taunting is encouraged. Bragging about signature moves is also a classy touch. The thumb-across-the-throat bit, when directed at the opposition is the sign of a true champion in this league. 'Nuff said.

• Goals are awarded to the opposing team if a team ices the ball 3 times. Icing consists of a brutal shot missing the net entirely. If a shot taken on the south side net rolls down to the road, the other team gets a goal immediately. Those shots are not tolerated due to their pathetic nature.

• You cant pick up the Ball anywhere or smother it. If you do smother it, you are liable to get cross-checked in the face. In the case of a smother, Anything goes.

• Contesting rules during gameplay WILL result in a penalty. So if you're a baby, you'll get some time in the crib.

Material from this page may not be re-used, reproduced or retransmitted without the express writen consent of the Stonehart Gardens Hockey Association. Contact our team of highly trained hockey scientists/monkeys at sgha_experts@scientist.com