My Lover's Gone.

The light filtered through the gauzy curtains in the room, creating a soft pool of light on the light blue blankets that covered him.

Sean let his hand rest on that patch of sunlight even though he would have wanted to move his hand and avoid it entirely.

But he couldn't bring himself to move it, since it felt like the light was caressing his hand the longer he let it rest there.

So he didn't move it and instead focused on the blank ceiling above his head.

The radio on his night-table had been playing some loud, annoying song that he had done his best to ignore. His head hurt, and he really couldn't make out any of the words. It all had sounded like garbage anyways, so he had stopped even trying to make it out.

But it was now over. And a soft, delicate song took the place of it, catching his attention and holding it with its gentleness.

//My lover's gone,
His boots no longer by my door,
He left at dawn,
And as I slept I felt him go //

Sean closed his eyes and turned his head away after hearing the woman sing those lines. He had wanted to forget Viggo. Didn't want to think about the dark blue eyes and the easy smile that hinted at many hidden secrets that he would take several lifetimes to find.

He wanted to forget the fresh vanilla scent of his skin that clung to his clothes even after they had been washed. The soft silk of his hair as it spilled over his pillow as he slept, the smooth skin under his fingertips as he teased him awake.

All of those things he wanted to forget. Because he knew that if he remembered them, he would start yearning for them again, and his heart would break into a thousand pieces over again.

Viggo was never coming back again. As ferverently as Sean wished, Viggo wasn't coming back.
//Returns no more,
I will not watch the ocean,
My lover's gone,
No earthly ships will ever bring him home again. //

Sean had often wondered about that day. If there had been anything that he could have done to make a difference.

Could he have woken up earlier and driven Viggo to the airport, instead of sleeping and letting him take a taxi there?

Could he have begged him not to go and stay with him in bed a little while longer rather than rolling over and going back to sleep?

Would it have mattered if he had gone to visit his parents earlier in the week rather than Thursday?

Did a day actually make a difference in whether someone died or not?

He didn't believe he really wanted to know.

Either way, the pain wasn't eased.

And Viggo was still gone.
//My lover's gone,
I know that kiss will be my last,
No more his song,
The tune upon his lips has passed //

Sean touched his lips and recalled how Viggo tasted like caramel when they kissed.

He had always been a little awed by that taste. No other lover he had ever been with had that unique taste to them. All sweet and tangy at the same time.

He had loved taking small nibbles from Viggo's lips as they had made love in dark rooms in cold winter nights, when no one was expecting them to be anywhere and they had time to be with each other with no other demanding their presence.

He never forgot those quiet nights, the feel of sweat-slicked skin and quiet music on the stereo to chase the oppresive silence away.

And now winter would soon appear again. And Sean was afraid of facing it without Viggo at his side.
//I sing alone,
While I watch the ocean,
My lover's gone,
No earthly ships will ever bring him home again,
Bring him home again//

Sean closed his eyes. There was no hope left.

Viggo wasn't coming back to him again.

He had no home. He had no love.

His soul was gone.