”The bastards! They blew it up! Damn them, damn them all to hell!!!” With that immortal line good ol Chuck Heston made cinematic history, and secured a place in the hearts and minds of movie goers everywhere. Ok, well, maybe it wasn’t that important. But the original Planet of the Apes films are a significant part of film history if only for their incredible B movie cheesy qualities. And while this 2001 remake of the original classic film is not without it’s silly moments and far-fetched plotline, it is a very different film than the it forebearer.
The first, and most obvious difference between this revamp and the original is that someone actually tried. I stress tried to actually create something that makes sense. Unfortunately, they failed. Simple as that. This story does not make any sense at all. Then again, maybe that’s not the biggest thing in the world. Will anyone really come into this film thinking they’re going to get Lawrence Kasden, or David Mamett? Of course not. In fact I might go so far as to say it doesn’t matter that the film makes no sense. This is a film that relies on spectacle. Sweeping fight scenes, dramatic moments of tension, a easily vilified enemy, and an equally easily identified hero. And in that somewhat limited regard, this film delivers.
The story itself for anyone who hasn’t seen the original; or actually cares about such things, follows one Captain Leo Davidson, US Air Force. In a distant future, he stumbles through a wormhole and crash lands on a planet suspiciously like earth, only this world is ruled by talking Apes, and humans are no better than servants. Is this mysterious world actually earth? Why are these Apes so intelligent, and where the heck did those beautiful, scantily clad women come from? Best not to trifle yourself with those kind of questions. The evil General Thade a malicious chimpanzee is out for Captain Davidson’s blood, and the malcontented humans are organizing behind this off-worlder as a savior from the heavens. Battle ensues and, blah, blah, blah, you can guess the rest. At the end of the day the story sucks. It’s got gaping plot holes and is trite to the point of ridiculousness. I guess it doesn’t really matter too much, don’t ever get your hope up for this one though.
1/5The look is really what this film is all about. Cool action, fantastic costumes and stunning special FX. For the most part here the film succeeds too. The most challenging task for the creative team behind this film was most assuredly creating realistic looking ape-man. Thankfully they got the best in the business for the job: Rick Baker, famed Make-up designer for such classics as Star Wars, Videodrome, Batman Forever, The Frighteners, Men in Black, The Grinch, and more, and more, and more... And this I must admit is some of his finest work. The Apes are simply amazing looking. Unrecognizable as their human counterparts, these Chimps, Gorillas, and Baboons are just fantastic. Everything from their teeth, to their fur, to their lips (always a challenge) are great. Tim Roth who plays General Thade is fantastically scary looking. The bast part is that every ape is stylized. They’re not carbon copies of one another. This is some very good work. Of course the costumes and special effects added to the film too, but really the only good reason to see this one is for the amazing make-up work.
4.5/5I’m really not too sure what Tim Burton must have been thinking to take on directing this film. Maybe he just wanted the money. I mean I can understand Sleepy Hollow (even if I didn’t like it), but this is just a ridiculous movie for such an acclaimed director. Maybe it was the money... Anyhow, the film is redeemed a bit by some Burton-esque things thrown in. The sweeping desertscape, the weird and dark edges to things. I liked some of the set dec quite a bit too, which has his fingers all over it. But at the end of the day it’s still a pretty crap film. If you take a more strict definition of a director’s job and look at how the actor’s fared, well you don’t come out all that much better.
Mark Wahlberg plays Leo Davidson, our bewildered hero. He is an actor, who I really believe has some (albeit limited) potential. Here he stumbles squared jawed through the action hero motions and manages a predictably stiff performance. Not really up to par... But then again Tim Roth as Thade and especially Michael Clarke Duncan as the gorilla, Colonel Attar were both very good. For some reason the actors playing apes did a much better job on the whole than the ones playing humans. Maybe the monkey’s have more going for them than we thought. No really, I just feel like the human casting choices we’re pretty poor while the apes we’re fairly good. Ah well, it doesn’t really make any difference. The film is exactly what you’d expect: a bad story, with decent action, and good effects. Maybe the sequel will be better... (yeah right!)
2.5/5This really isn’t a good film. That said, it is fairly mind numbing, and easy to watch. And the make-up is great, if you like that sort of thing. It might be the best kind of film for a hung over Sunday afternoon.
