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AL GORE: I invented that chicken. I raised chickens on the family farm. With my own two hands I fed them, I watered them, I shoveled after them. Until I draw my last breath, I will not rest until every chicken is safe to cross the road. My opponent's chicken policy is a risky scheme that will endanger social security. DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "N" problems. OPRAH: Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens. GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here. DONALD RUMSFELD: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road. ANDERSON COOPER/CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am for it now, and will remain against it. JUDGE JUDY: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road. JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace. ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? HILLARY CLINTON: It takes a village to raise a chicken. I've been all over New York State listing to chickens everywhere. I've been a fan of New York chickens my whole life. JOHNNY COCHRAN: You think you saw that chicken cross the road? But what's the real story? The L.A.P.D. made it LOOK like that chicken crossed the road. That Mark Furman has been after that chicken since the day it was born. Have that chicken try on the gloves if it does not fit, you must acquit. JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay. Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. That's what they call it--the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat chicken you will become gay, too. . I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and simple as that. PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die. In the rain. Alone. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one? DR. SUESS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told. GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us the chicken crossed the road and that was good enough for us. SADDAM HUSSAIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we are quite justified in dropping 50 tones of nerve gas on that chicken. RONALD REAGAN: What chicken? CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross the road, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken? ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX It was a historical inevitability. KEN STARR I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's on going and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he co-operates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Alimental has leaked information to the Reverend Jerry Farwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.) FOX MULDER You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. LOUIS FARRAKHAN The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down. 
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