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By: Anastacia I've been wondering, just what is a Master? With all the experience I have, I'm not sure I know. When people use the term, I have to wonder, "Master of what exactly?" Master of self-control? Master, meaning someone who has attained mastery of whips, chains and the like? Master, meaning someone who has so completely learned his submissive/slave that he can be said to have "mastered" her? Master, meaning he "owns" someone, as opposed to "Dominant" or "Top" where that distinction may be less clear? Master of the house? Master of all he surveys? And just who makes a man a Master? Certainly, there aren't certifying bodies that test men and then deem them such or not, so is it the submissive/slave who makes a man a Master? Lordy, I don't want to even consider that (although, I must admit I cant think who better to convey such a title of respect and depth of meaning). From a BDSM informational website: "A new or young (not chronological age) should not self select the title of Sir, Master/Mistress or Lord until such time their basic skills are easily recognized by the established peers in the community." Hmmm... what if a dominant man doesn't care to be recognized by established peers, or due to geography, or social or professional standing, cannot be a part of a local community of peers? How does he become a Master then? Merriam Webster defines it this way: 1a (1) :a male teacher (2) :a person holding an academic degree higher than a bachelor's but lower than a doctor's b: often capitalized :a revered religious leader c: a worker or artisan qualified to teach apprentices d (1): an artist, performer, or player of consummate skill (2) :a great figure of the past (as in science or art) whose work serves as a model or ideal 2a a: one having authority over another : RULER, GOVERNOR b: one that conquers or masters : VICTOR, SUPERIOR c: a person licensed to command a merchant ship d(1): one having control (2): an owner especially of a slave or animal e: the employer especially of a servant f(1): dialect :HUSBAND (2): the male head of a household 3a (1): archaic :MR. (2): a youth or boy too young to be called mister; used as a title b: the eldest son of a Scottish viscount or baron 4a a: presiding officer in an institution or society (as a college) b: any of several officers of court appointed to assist (as by hearing and reporting) a judge 5a a: master mechanism or device b: an original from which copies can be made; especially : a master phonograph record or magnetic tape Boy, that's about as clear as mud. I actually like the synonyms used for this: dominant, skilled, proficient, principal, predominant, superlative. That gets closer for me but still I wonder. The verb is defined this way: 1: to become master of : OVERCOME 2a: to become skilled or proficient in the use of : to gain a thorough understanding of That pares it down somewhat. But overcome what? The definition of "overcome" says this: 1: to get the better of : SURMOUNT 2: OVERWHELM intransitive senses : to gain the superiority : WIN synonym see CONQUER Ahhh so to conquer, overwhelm, and gain the superiority over. That doesn't sound terribly consensual to me (although I realize there are people who absolutely want and need that exact thing). How confusing can all this be? Sometimes I think it's just a title... something to indicate the person I submit to in a relationship. Sometimes I think it should indicate someone who has control of himself, first, and then who controls me. But.. controls me in what context and how complete must that control be for him to be my Master? And if a man is human and not completely in control of all aspects of his life, can he not be a Master? Or can someone only be a Master if he's exceeded average abilities with implements, devices, and techniques? Or can someone who doesn't use any of those, but who controls mentally also be a Master? Is a Master only paired with a slave, or can a submissive have a Master? How many women does a man have to have owned, and how long must those relationships have lasted for him to be considered a Master? What if he and she talk about ownership, the relationship has lasted a long time, but what they really have is a vanilla marriage with kink on Saturdays when the kids are visiting Granny... does that man get to be a Master? Is doing some stuff but not all stuff ok? Is owning one for a lifetime sufficient? Is being poly and owning five at a time optimal to earn the title? I may sound like I'm poking fun. I'm not. Confusion reigns. And I don't think I'm alone in my quest for understanding. I asked some people, both some dominant men and some submissive women, with a wide range of experience, to tell me how they personally define "Master." Heres what they said: "I see the term Master, implying a near complete influence on another person's well being and concept of self. Ownership is an overused and hard to define term. I prefer focusing on the outcomes that are the result of my influence on another person's complete life. The tangible change which that person feels and manifests is a much better indicator of role I have played.. No one is perfect. No one can meet every need/of every person/every moment/every time (neither slave/sub, nor Master/dominant.) However, by being true to the covenant I have entered; and by being true to not to just the moment, but to the moment after...then I have created a place where amazing things will happen. Then again, as Lincoln was reported to have said; Any man can respond to adversity. But, to test his true character; give him power". "The simple definition: "the person who owns". There's a lot more to it, obviously... but all that other stuff is only meaningful to the one who gets to use the word "Master" and the one who gets to hear it. In the totality of power exchange, "dominant" implies something that exists in parts of a relationship, while "Master" implies complete ownership." One who has control over or ownership of chattle (property)... or is accredited with the custom itself "For me this is such an individual issue. I dont think of anyone as a Master unless he has that type of relationship to me. Therefore, I think of Dominants in general as Dominants, but someone who is Dominant in regards to me would have the status of Master. I dont particularly care for the word; it sounds rather generic. I also don't really adhere to the idea that a Master is different from a Dominant, except for the delineation I already stated. The men who I have known who I have served have been somewhat different from each other. To some extent, a Master is defined by the person who I serve." "A man is a master when another acknowledges within themselves that this person has lived up to the expectations they have of someone held in the highest regard. It is not a title that one gives of himself, for in my opinion, that person is nothing more than someone to laugh at." "Some of my phrases come to mind, such as, "No real harm shall come to my submissive/slave on my watch," and "Master/slave is about equals with consensual unequal power," would be important. And there is a strong element of chivalry .. those are all base elements or credos.. to build the uniqueness of each relationship on. And in a relationship like this those would be well a given -- a master has all of those elements plus creativity and desire to have his needs met by an appropriate submissive counterpart. He's not afraid to take or ask for what he wants .. while also being mindful of the basic needs of his submissive and knowing perhaps more than even she does... her limits .. and vulnerabilities. He also has impeccable integrity and knows and respects his own limits." " Someone who has complete control over his slave...and takes complete care of her as well and has as close to complete control over himself as possible. And this is control emotionally, not just physically, in fact, emotionally is the strongest part." " I would define master as someone who is involved in BDSM on a deeper level and one who knows what he is doing. The person not only controls the slave, but owns the slave (permanently or during the time that slave is serving). A dominant is someone who scenes with a submissive, and has some sort of control, a master is one who pushes the submissive to her limits and possible even further if the submissive is capable of going further, and who has nearly absolute control." " A Master is one who inspires the best, deals with the worst, and accepts the truth." "That would be a toughie... it has so many levels.. but a definition should be simple and I think it is the relationship where a person feels another person will be able to make decisions and choose actions for them that will be both wise and positive in the long run." " A master imo, is someone who has 1st mastered himself and is a loving caring presence who takes time with his sub/slave to know her inner most workings so they can have an effective mutually beneficial energy exchange." "A Master to me .. is a Dominant of consummate skill (skill beyond compare ... percise .. high achievement .. he knows how to use all his tools of trade... and has the highest skill with them .. he knows how to read his slave .. because he has taken the time to know her ... his time with his slave flows freely .. easily .. not missing a beat) .. a teacher.. an artist.. an Alpha male.. one who owns slaves not submissives.. because of his powerful authority." Gloria Brame, in _Different Loving_ defines it simply as "a male dominant." "The one responsible for the emotional, spiritual, and financial well-being of his slave." "He's one who has learned his craft, his art. He knows the physicality of things, the emotionality of things, the mentality of things. He can use and love. He can beat and cuddle. He can push and not have to. He can mold and groom and not destroy the essence of a woman. He knows himself, is himself, commands with his presence, fills a space, and engenders devotion. He gets what he wants, always, but not by force -- rather by making it impossible for there to be any other option for her. He owns after learning enough to know that the submissive is one he wants a diaphanous relationship with. He is never content to have any part of her hidden or off limits, and he will work, even if it takes forever, to bring down walls that prevent him from, well, simply everything that's his. He just is... the Master." When I was young, I knew I was different.. just didn't know the term Dominant or Master. When I got into the D/s world, I quickly started to call myself a "Dom".. and then a "Master". But in reality, I didn't fully realize what it took to be a Master. To me, that is the difference between being a Dom and a Master, one who has learned a lot about D/s, about himself, and about the different submissives who come into his life. Very few Dominants (I believe) want the responsibility of being a Master, being responsible for another person in every aspect of their life. I have come to the belief that a Dom cannot truly call himself a Master, but that must be an honor which is awarded through his being recognized as such, by submissives and other Dominants. "He says do. I do. What more is there?" Dominant is more a trait than anything else not to be confused with domineering of course. A Master is one who has mastered the art of being Dominant. Becoming a Master takes time and experience. So simply owning a slave does not equate to Master for me. A Master is Dominant first and gains the title of Master from how he handles his Dominance. And it it isn't he (or she) who determines he is a Master, but the sub/slave who submits to him. A Master, in theory, is someone with total ownership, total responsibility, and total rights to the property owned. I suspect where I've ultimately come to after all this is exactly where I began -- while there are pieces of a definition here for me, they are wide and varied, and I still can't come to something that absolutely conveys the meaning of it for me. I know when I say the word to the one who owns me, there's a feeling in my belly I can't explain, and don't feel anywhere else but when I am with Him. Theres a reverence, an adoration, an utter worshipfulness. Even when I just think of Him, theres that feeling. Maybe that's all the definition I personally need. But still I explore seeking a way to express that meaning. Tonight, someone I deeply respect asked me, Simply stated then the term Master means nothing to you beyond the title of your owner? If so then by that measure... to even ask someone else "what is a Master" is, itself, a completely erroneous question. I respectfully disagreed with him. I think its a question worthy of exploration, worthy of consideration, worthy of my time. If youve read this far, I would suggest you find it to be as well, no?. Certainly, it would be nice if the BDSM community had a single accepted and universally used definition, that each of us could sink our teeth into. The challenge in not having such a common definition is that conversation is often frustrating, because we want to be understood, yet the chances are whomever we're talking with isn't on the same page. But in lieu of having such commonality, each of us must define this, and other terms we use, for ourselves and then try to explain ourselves to others. Truly, its a wonder that we ever reach commonality. When I talk with people, Im always sure that were going to have very different opinions about things. It certainly never comes as a surprise to me. And although someone thoughtfully shared, "I can sum this and pretty much all other D/s topics up in one sentence: Let's enjoy ourselves and stay out of other people's business," I find the questions, even questions without answers, to be great fun. And who knows maybe by asking, talking, and being open, Ill find my way into that elusive answer I seek. just what is a Master to me? 
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