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by: enslaved heart Whether you discovered this lifestyle by accident or because you went searching for information to learn more about it, there is some basic things you need to understand before getting into the deeper 'nitty gritty' stuff. So lets take a look at some of the terms you will find popping up and get a basic understanding of what they mean. First of all, the initials BDSM are commonly identified as the universal symbol to the lifestyle. So what exactly does each letter mean? B = Bondage D = Dominance S = Sadist M = Masochist Another term common is D/s. This refers to Dominant/submissive. Just as M/s refers to Master/slave. Power Exchange is a little harder to explain as it has no universal definition. Some would call it an energy, a flow of force between two people engaging in physical/mental/emotional/spiritual activity where each is feeding the other. The stronger the Dominant, the deeper the submission. There is an empowerment of each partner as each gives and receives pleasure from the other. It is not a state that can be achieved without first establishing a high level of trust, acceptance and honesty with your partner. Dominant is the partner who is in control. The person who dominantes, guides and commands those willing to surrender to their power. They posses a mental and emotional strength and never rely on physical superiority to neglect or abuse a person in their care. A male Dominant is known as a Dom, while a female would be referred to as a Domme. A Top is the partner who is in control of the scene for at a particular time. It could be for the entire session or for a duration of it. Although they take control for a time, this does not make them a Dominant. After the scene is over, so is their control. The submissive is the partner who submits their body, mind and soul to a Dominant. They have a want and need to serve, to please and bring pleasure to a Dom/me. But they are not a doormat. They are intelligent, free spirited individuals who willingly and consciously agree to submit. Both female and male submissives are refer to as subs. A bottom is the partner who willingly accepts the control of the Top. They enjoy the power the dominating partner has over them. But like a Top, once the scene is over, so is their role. Being a bottom does not automatically make one a submissive. Switches are those individual who can both dominant and submit depending on their mood or the play scene. They posses both a strong controlling personality as well as a yielding submissive personality. They are men and women who feel comfortable accepting and are able to balance both personas. SSC = Safe, Sane, Consensual. The creed of those in the lifestyle. Safe -- Participants have taken precautions and have sufficient skill and knowledge to minimize the risk of psychological and physical damage to themselves and their partners.0 Sane -- Participants are in full possession of their mental faculties and are fully aware of the risks involved in the activities. Consensual -- Participants fully understand the potential risks of the activities and have consented. This consent can be withdrawn or modified by any participant at any time. A collar is a physical symbol used to signify that a submissive is in a committed relationship with a Dom/me. (just as a wedding ring is worn between married couples) It often is a piece of jewelery worn around the neck such as a leather choker, necklace or perhaps an anklet or bracelet. Often a submissive may have different collars for different activies, such as social collars (those that can be worn inconspicuously in public) to those more decorative and symbolic collars made with spikes and hooks for attaching a leash. Again there is no set presidence, it is up to the couple what suits them. Collaring is the ceremony in which a Dominant and submissive are joined. Althought not recognized as legal, it is a very deep committed bond between those who partake as the Dominant vows to guide, control and take care of the submissive just as the sub vows to surrender total control to the Dom/me. A scene is a play session involving a defined beginning and end. There are negotiations beforehand to establish limits and expectations. Once both agree to the others conditions, the scene can begin. Safewords are used by both submissives and Dominants as a safety net during play sessions. It is a predetermined word that would not be associated with the activity, that once used, will end the scene immediately. It can be used when one partener feels personal limits are being pushed or if they are in pain or emotional distress. For example, "stop" would not be an appropriate safeword. Contracts are written agreements used by those partners who are interested in entering into a more serious relationship. The contract is written to establish the expecations of each partner, rules and goals. They have dates of review and need to be constantly updated and adjusted. Both the Dominant and submissive are active in constructing them. So now you have a basic concept of just what is involved and now can read and learn more about each subject that interests you in more depth. And if none of this intersts you, well at least perhaps you have a better understanding of what the BDSM lifestyle is all about and can lay aside some of the prejudices that society has placed on them. 
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