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by: enslaved heart Psycological studies have shown that our personality types are formed by the age of 5. Dominant or submissive traits are present wheather we acknowledge them or not and will emerge as our personas develop. Therefore it is believed that the BDSM lifestyle cannot be learned but developed threw accepting and understanding the "true" self that dwells inside us. As different and individual as each submissive will be, there are basic elements that dwell inside each which gives them a personality which is fundamental to submission. It starts with a want/need to obey, accept, service and please. Then each bring their unique characteristics to this lifestyle, each having personal interests and passions the reflect who and what they are. Over the last 5 years, I have met and talked to many submissive men and women with different styles of submission. During that time I have found that there is 10 traits that seem to be continually present among them. (1)Sense of humor Submission can be very difficult. The demands of children, job, Master/Mistress, friends, family and community can take a toll. Being able to laugh can take a bad mood and change it into a good one. (2)Confidence Know what it is that you want and need and never be shy or ashamed of your desires. Be proud of your accomplishments and accept your faults. Be happy to be you. (3)Self esteem Do not shy away from challenges and when you overcome one, give yourself a pat on the back. Making mistakes is how one learns and grows. No one is better than you are. (4)Stay positive You can choose to see the glass half full or half empty. Keeping positive will enable you to be more productive and happier. (5)Realistic goals Decide what you want to accomplish and design a planto go about it. Break it down into steps and organize each part so that you can evaluate the progress and readjust if need be. (6)Keep learning Information is only as far away as your fingertips. Use the library, internet, night courses, workshops.... whatever is available. It does not need to be BDSM related but any skill that would enhance you as a person. Consider yoga, cooking classes, jewlery making or belly dancing. (7)Be yourself You control the way you act, think and feel. No one knows you better than you do. Do not compremise who you are and try to be something your not. Be true to yourself. (8)Inner strength Some believe that subs are fragile and weak. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Subs have emotional, mental and physical strength that is needed to face the challenges of the lifestyle. (9)Intelligence This does not mean high I.Q. but a common sense and the ability to open their mind to new ideas and experiences as well as a desire to explore and learn. (10)Healthy mind & body Eat well, sleep enough, be physically and mentally active. Exercise will help deal with stress as well as keep you fit and conditioned for the demands of the lifestyle. Meditation can develop a heightened spirituality. Please do not use this to set a scale to determine if you are a 'good' or 'bad' sub depending on how many you feel you qualify with. This is my overall opinion and by no means a complete list. 
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