Stages of a D/s Relationship
by: Unknown

First stage: General Friendship; taking the time to get to know the basic make-up of a person.

Second stage: Companionship; hanging around together yet not being committed to any exclusiveness for each other. Slowly becoming exceptional friends, learning to trust the other with your more intermit thoughts etc. Becoming comfortable and unafraid to say anything to the other, knowing that they accept "all" of you & feeling secure in the knowledge that they will not think less of you should you make a mistake. (We are all human & to err is a human quality)

Third stage: Exploring; where you commit to being with that one only, exclusively. PPE = Partial Power Exchange begins here. It is at this stage where the Dom starts gently testing his power and the sub tests her willingness to submit to this person. At this stage, they also start to learn of the others deeper aspects and what each wants and needs from a D/s relationship. Serious contract and negotiations discussions begin. Exploring also serves the purpose of keeping the honorable Doms\subs from attempting to woo one or the other for themselves, thus both have breathing space to get to know each other.

This stage lasts as long as each of the couple feels it nessecary. Many find at this stage, that they just are not meant to be a Master\sub couple. Unfortunately, this emotional let down many times also affects the previous friendship that they had established. The key lies within Stage 2: accepting "ALL" of a person and not just the good. It is a widely accepted fact that the "bad" side of a person gives the "good" side it's strength. One can not exist without the other. As to "is a person good or bad" depends upon which side is the strongest.

Fourth stage: My Sir; is when the sub takes the Dom as "her" Dom and he takes her as "his" sub. Basically this means that contracts are near completion and both have made a definate commitment to each other. Most limits have been thoroughly discussed and agreed upon and both want to go deeper into the TPE concept: Total Power Exchange and see if the relationship is strong enough to be a full blown Master\sub commitment.

At this stage the Dom exerts much more control and the sub submits much more of herself over to him. A deep trust has thus been established, complete honesty has worked its magic, and a very high form of personal respect for each other has formed a tight, strong bonding of the couple.

Fifth stage: Final Commitment; this is where they become Master\sub and exchange and perform whichever ritual they have decided upon to make it official to begin what all hopes is a long and happy relationship. At this stage all contract negotiations have been thoroughly discussed and agreed upon, tho it is understood that, like any relationship that grows, the contract also grows with it. Both evolve and change to define and strengthen each other as the couple teaches\learns as One.

Many relationships do not last a life time. You get what you give. There can be NO taking and not giving back. When one of the couple stops giving as much as they take from the other, the relationship starts to wilt and will eventually die if not repaired. Take away a flower's water supply and soon nothing but a dead clump of lifeless organic matter will remain. The rose will give its all in beauty and scent until it has nothing left to give for the grower did not give it water back in exchange for it's gift of beauty.

Most subs make the presumption that it is the Dom that chooses the sub... WRONG!!! It is the sub that is giving her life, literally, to the Dom to care for and nourish etc., Thus it is the SUB that chooses the Dom. When she finds the Dom that she wishes to put her trust and life into the hands of she then petitions him, asks him either verbally or in written form, to accept her as his sub. At this point he can either accept her gift or refuse it. It is respectful and honorable for him to give the sub a reasonable explanation for his possible refusal of her petition.

Petitioning starts with Stage 3 of the relationship. The sub will petition the Dom to explore with her exclusively. When she is ready, she will petition him to become her Dom and finally - her Master. Should the Dom not wish to enter one or another of the stages at the time of petitioning, he will discuss his reasons with the sub and they may both come to an agreement to either wait a bit longer or to end all thoughts of it or anything in between. Whichever happens, it is best to find out sooner than later. Most subs are afraid to petition for fear of rejection so they allow themselves to go on never knowing if anything will come about or not. An honorable Dom will not petition the sub and thus influence her to commit when she may not be ready for it, thus the sub that wanted the Dom but was to afraid to speak her thoughts may find him drifting towards another, thinking that he is not wanted by this one.

An honorable Dom usually will not go where he feels he is not wanted for he knows that a "rushed" sub will soon feel cornered and will turn on him and any chance of a true relationship that might have been will most likely disappear for good.

How to tell if your petition may be accepted?

=Are you totally comfortable with each other?
=Can you discuss or say anything without fear?
=If either of you are negative about something, does the other pull away from you and knock you down or does he\she snuggle even closer and give you the comfort and understanding that you need?
=Does he seem to pay more attention to you than others?
=Does he hint at or even ask you openly to sit near him or he near you rather than another?
=If he is in a discussion with someone, does he ask you for your opinion?
=Does he catch and hold your gaze if you seem quiet thus showing you that tho he may be talking with another, that it is you that he is keeping first on his mind?
=Does he often ask you "how are you feeling?"
=Does he usually stop talking with whomever, when he sees you enter the room and takes the time to greet you?
=Does he seem to want to spend more time with you than any others?
=Does he keep his meeting times with you or apologize sincerely if he can't\could not?

Basically, do you feel that he sees and treats you as his first and foremost companion and cares of your feelings\concerns etc.? If all or most do apply to your situation and you do want him exclusively, then face your fears and deal with them before he starts feeling rejected by your silence and another starts moving in on what she may see as an eligible target.



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