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by: enslaved heart Safeword is a word of signal used by a submissive during a scene to communicate to the Dominant that they have reached the limit of tolerance for the pain or fear they are experiencing. There is no designated signal due to the fact they play partners will create a code that is suitable for their own use but a set of colour codes is a common practise in the community. Most BDSM clubs will establish a policy of using green, yellow and red as safewords when participating in public play. This is important for the Dungeon Monitors to keep the play area safe and controlled. The signals would communicate: green:GO... all is fine and the sub is enjoying the scene yellow:CAUTION... feeling uncomfortable, proceed slowly red: STOP... the sub has hit a wall and can go no farther Some lifestylers believe that there is no need to have safewords as there needs to be total trust and full negotations of likes and limits before a scene begins so there is no reason to stop and whatever happens is acceptable or you would not be playing with this person. They believe that safewords are needed only by the "players" who are only in BDSM for the kinky sex and have no desire or ability to submit or dominate. When a sub encounters a Dom who does not want to use a safeword, it is up to them to decide if that is acceptable or not. There may come a time in a committed relationship where a high level of awareness develops so that the Dom can physically read a sub to know when they become distressed and need to stop. A body will give more accurate feedback to a submissives mental and emotional level. There is also a danger that some submissives refrain from using a safeword because of feelings of guilt, shame or sense of failure which will cause a serious situation. Using a safeword is being obedient to a Dom's wishes. It is a tool to give honest and accurate information to the Dom so that they can make decisions needed to create a safe and controlled situation. If a sub needs to use the safeword during a scene, it does not reflect on the Dom's ability to control or command the activity, what it does communicate is that at this time and doing this activity in this way, the sub cannot continue without physical or emotional trama. Will the result be to never again attempt this type of play? No, but what it does suggest is that a slower or less direct approach is needed and with support, patience and understanding, there may come a time when the sub can go beyond this point. It is a Dominant's desire to push a submissive past their limits in a healthy and nurturing way and given them the tools they need to grow and experience their full potiential. As a sub matures, their tolerance for pain and sense of dealing with uncertainty in new or uncomfortable situations will increase allowing them to reach new levels of submission. Therefor safewords can never handicap a relationship but instead develop a healthy sense of safety, establish trust and promote courage to try new things. On a personal note, I do not trust verbal safewords. There are too many factors that can interfer with using it. For me, I am more comfortable with physical signals. One that has proven most reliable is holding a set of keys during a play session. Even if I am pushed mentally/emotionally too deep to use a verbal cue, my body will react by letting go of the keys giving both a visual and auditory signal. Additional Reading: The Study of Safe Words [by Lord Suttle] 
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