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(http://freeweb.pdq.net/feather/gallantrose/newdom.htm) It's pretty easy to be a novice submissive. In fact, novice submissives are often prized by experienced dominants because, like a clean fresh beach after high tide, there are no footprints there to fill or follow. It's generally accepted that a submissive will learn from the dominant, will accept "training" and will be molded to fulfill the dominant's desires, wishes and needs. Being an inexperienced dominant is a tough place to be, however. Entrance into the BDSM community can be tricky and difficult with many fewer resources available. Since we feel that it's a rockier road for the male dominant--we've seen greater kinship, cooperation and assistance among dommes (fem doms)-- we'll concentrate on this primarily. The male nature, particularly the "alpha male" nature which defines the dominant male personality works both individually, within the inexperienced dominant, and collectively within the community and the other resident alpha males who have established territory, so to speak. Unlike the new submissive who is welcomed and embraced almost instantly by the community as a great resource, the new dominant will be observed with some suspicion and a need to prove his worthiness of respect and acceptance. There is good reason for this in the sense that there needs to be an assurance of the understanding of the practice of Safe, Sane and Consensual before a dominant is accepted for the good of the community and its submissives. (Predators and abusers are not welcome, nor should they ever be.) An experienced, confident dominant--particularly one with a submissive already--will be accepted fairly quickly into the community. But, what of the inexperienced dominant? He's there because he wants to learn, to express the dominance that drives him, to find that special submissive to complete his need. How does he get that experience when he needs the experience in the first place to prove himself? How does he make his way through the gauntlet of suspicious alpha males (and submissive females who reject his inexperience in favor of the experienced dominants)? It's difficult for most of us to admit to ignorance--exponentially more difficult for the alpha male, particularly under these circumstances, and likely not in his best interest to do so in an obvious way. Once seen as "weak", even if it's only lacking in specific knowledge (and males are always looking for weakness in other males--shoot us if you don't agree, but we stand behind that comment What we recommend is this: do your homework. Read everything you can get your hands on to become familiar with the terminology, general philosophy, practices and protocols of the BDSM community. Observe and participate in online BDSM chat rooms. Observe the behavior of other dominants (the bad examples can be among the most valuable, but more on that later) and those around them. Examine your own strengths, desires and needs and define them. Look at your past, or current, relationships and see how that dominance is already being expressed--see yourself as the Dominant you know you already are, visualize yourself in the active role and Be That. You may wish to purchase a few toys you know you have an interest in--a flogger, for example, trying it out on your leg, practicing on a pillow, etc. to get the feel of it along with reading about safety and techniques. Doing all of this will give you confidence and it will show. Now, you're ready to enter the community to learn and master the techniques realtime. Offer information in a positive way. When asked if you're a dominant, the answer is "yes". You are dominant, you were born that way (in our opinion) and you've always known it. The honest answer is "yes". Period. If asked if you're experienced, an honest answer might be, "I am experienced with Many, probably most, organizations expect novices and welcome those who show a genuine interest. The experienced dominants who attend are probably group leaders, friendly and personable (why they're group leaders), and very open to discussing and teaching. Get to know them and learn from the position of strength and confidence that you have gained from your previous homework and self examination. Now, what we're about to say may sound like something of a contradiction from what we've said up to now... our advice from this point is to RELAX and have fun! Know that once you've done that basic homework, you have the confidence so much of your battle is already won. Techniques can be learned and few of them are difficult. No one in the community knows everything (though some think they do), and only YOU know what your interests and needs are. There are those in the community who will insist that only their way is the "right" way and that if you don't share it you aren't a "true" dom (how we hate that "true" dom and "true" sub stuff!). We call those the "strutters". To the inexperienced they often seem like people to look up to and learn from; to those who have been in the lifestyle for a while, the strutters rarely have the respect they say or think they do. Observe for a short while and you'll see that those around them are almost all newbies to the lifestyle--the experienced stay away from them. Strutters will often have a chat room and present themselves as "gurus", fonts of knowledge and experience, and will usually be quick to puff out their chests to deride and run off any they perceive to be competition. Strutters are the bad examples we referred to earlier. Imperious. We go into this because we see these types as very destructive to the emerging dominants and submissives in the lifestyle who have limited contacts and resources available. Strutters try to force others into their own image, make others feel unworthy if they don't share those same interests and, we fear, drive some of the inexperienced back into the "closet" thinking the strutters represent the lifestyle. They don't! When you meet up with them--and you most likely will-- try to ignore them (except to learn from their bad examples) and don't let them divert you from your path. They aren't worth it. There are many different styles and forms of dominance, none of them right or wrong. Find your own way, define your own style based on what is right for YOU (and your partner), regardless of what you read or hear from others, as long as you always observe safe, sane and consensual methods. There are those who find the strict and severe Old Guard methods most appealing and satisfying and those at the other end of the scale who are drawn to the chivalrous, romantic forms of dominance; some enjoy a combination of both at different times. There are those who are excited more by physical dominance and control, others who lean more to the psychological, some who have equal interest in both. No one style defines one who is "more dom" than another--you have nothing to prove and no one to please but yourself and your partner. There are experienced submissives who have learned to seek out the good MAN first, the good dom second, and who don't see inexperience as a handicap to a potential relationship/play partnership. These submissives are gems from whom you can learn and experience much! (To those who say a dominant can't learn from a submissive... see "strutters" above.) They are well aware that the quality of the technique doesn't make the dom--it's the quality of the man. With desire, communication, practice and a sense of humor (this is a biggie--never lose your sense of humor!), the good man will become the good dom in short order. Relax, explore and enjoy! One more bit of advice... read some of the fiction available in the BDSM Writings section and elsewhere, especially that written by submissives. Do keep in mind at all times that it IS fiction and not reality! It can, however, give you great insight into the submissive mind, her needs and desires. Visualize yourself in the dominant role (you're probably doing that already) and try out some of the techniques you find appealing, particularly psychological ones, you find there. (Though ALWAYS negotiate any and all scenes first with a partner!) This will also help you understand that submissives, like dominants, are different in their desires beyond that very basic definition. Once you understand your own needs and the profile of the submissive who can fulfill them, you will come much closer to finding that expression you seek. 
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