SEASON SEVEN

EPISODE 2: BIG BROTHER

By:X_C

 SPACE: THE FINAL FRONTIER. THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE WWF TITANPRIZE. IT'S MISSION: TO EXPLORE AND ENTERTAIN NEW SOCIETIES AND NEW CIVILIZATIONS.  TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO WRESTLER HAS GONE BEFORE!

TITANPRIZE/NYTRON CREW:

Captain Vince Russo (aka High Commander)
First Officer, Commander Jeff Jarrett (aka The Chosen One)
Chief Engineer, Commander Stephanie McMahon
Chief of Chiefs, Commander Linda McMahon
Chief of WrestleFleet Security, Commander Kane
Chiefs of Nytron Security, Commanders Hall, and Nash
Chief WrestleFleet Medical Officer, Dr. Taker
Chief Nytron Medical Officer, Dr. V. M. Piro
Diagnostics Officer, Lieutenant Commander Jericho
Tactical Officer, Lieutenant Commander Austin
Transporter Chief, Lieutenant Commander Debra McMichael
Communications Officer, Lieutenant Rock
Counselor Al Snow (assisted by H.E.A.D.)
 

... And many more!

WWF TITANPRIZE-CAPTAIN'S READY ROOM

    "Cap's Log, Stardate 071900.00. This is Vince Russo, broadcasting live from the Big Mac's office! Life aboard the Titanprize, which I do plan on someday re-naming the Turnerprize, is sweet as sugar, baby! I wonder...do Vincie and Eric Bishoff hear the tick-tock of their borrowed time running out?"

    Russo's voice was heavy with an exaggerated East Coast accent as he ran the blood red seams of a baseball through his fingertips.

    The new captain laughed. "Got a new game for ya Eric. See, I'm the pitcher and you're the catcher, though you may have to use your pearly whites to snag my knuckle ball...what with your hands tied up and all!"

    Silver-haired sneak! Russo would have to take him out of cold storage and toy with him later, show him the price tag for getting out line....

    "Damn wacky thing went down today. So many of these pissant little Wrestlefleet losers try and snub their noses at me in their little defiant ways, but not Shane O'Mac! Oh no, Shane O' seems to have no love lost for Daddy or the zombie-like loyalty of your typical Titanprize officer! In fact, just a couple of hours ago the little puke had the gall to sit across from me and bleed secrets like a stuck pig!"

    A smirk appeared underneath the devilish black moustache.

    "But even snotty little ingrates have their uses. McMahon's oldest brat will be my new liason officer, smooth the troubled waters between his crew of whining crybabies and the Nytron who own this hunk of space junk. Do I trust him? Hell no! Can I use him? Hell yes! And of course, he will prove that he's the traitor he claims to be, I will make damn sure of that....."

    Russo closed his logbook. Shane would prove it...or die.

THE SMACKDOWN

    "The entire crew hates you." Benoit spoke so matter of factly he could've been discussing the weather.

    Shane shrugged, leaned over the pool table with a cue stick aimed like a rifle in his hands. Russo had bragged on the Commander becoming the new liason officer, turned the witless wonders on the ship against him.  "They wanna waste their valuable hate on me, they're more than welcome."

    "You consider it a waste?" Benoit hissed. Their conversation was drowned out by the raucous noise in the bar, the Wrestlefleet officers refusing to give the Nytron the satisfaction of not enjoying their lives. "I thought you wished to change Wrestlefleet for the better, not sell it up the river to cowards like Russo!"

    The eight ball cracked off the corner of the table. Shane drew his stick back with an angry sigh. "Chris, I want this damn ship back! And I sure as heck want to be the Captain when it happens!"

    "It's dangerous to play with Russo like that."

    "It's more dangerous not to." Shane watched Chyna out of the corner of his eye, serving drinks with an  innocent smile. But it's not an innocent game you're playing is it, Chyna? he thought with a cold smirk. Let her act out her cloak and dagger, undercover waitress bit; as long as her noble attempts to rescue the Titanprize didn't interfere with his stab at glory, she wouldn't get burned.

    "Listen up Benoit." Shane casually moved to the scientist's side, keeping his voice low. "I've convinced Russo to allow the Hardly sisters to do a run to a Nytron base for supplies."

    "Supplies?" Benoit raised an eyebrow. "What could we possibly-"

    "Illegal Nytron weapons of course." Shane grinned. "And of course, the shuttlecraft would be blasted out of space if they pulled anything funny. Thing is, I don't think Matt and Jeff are stupid enough to play hero on this trip."

    "Those boy scouts?" Benoit oozed scorn.

    "It would be a shame if their shuttle were to...have an accident." Shane said with mock regret. "To have two such fine young ensigns die in a massive explosion or a catastrophic crash....I think I feel a tear coming to my eye."

    Benoit merely nodded as Shane brushed false wetness from his eyes. "Matt and Jeff aren't stupid - they will suspect-"

    "They will suspect nothing." Commander McMahon said flatly. "They'll do as they're told."

    "Your sister-"

    "My sister." Shane felt his chest tighten, his throat close up. God, the last person in the galaxy he wanted to discuss little Stephie with was the cold-hearted Chris Benoit, a man who'd almost used his kid sister as a human bomb to blast the loathesome Lt Rock out of existence. Of course, Shane had known all along, had even approved the disgusting murder attempt, but he'd been so damn drunk and intoxicated on the thought of unlimited power, so dizzy with the thought of making over Wrestlefleet in his own image that.....

    Now the memory of how he'd almost made his sister a sacrificial lamb turned his stomach. A cold sweat  dripped down his forehead as the urge to throw up overwhelmed him....

    "My sister will not pose a problem." Shane took several deep breaths to steady himself. "I'll protect her no matter what it takes."

    "Commander McMahon-Helmsley has a soft spot for the Hardy ensigns. Her devotion to Wrestlefleet cannot be questioned. She will fight you."

    He glared at Benoit. "What I do to keep Stephanie safe may not be pretty but it'll damn well work, you hear me? Stay out of it!"

    "Aye sir." Senitmental little fool! Benoit thought, wanting to spit on his superior officer for being so weak. "I will attend to the Aerialian project immediately."

    "Beautiful." Shane smiled.

    "Can I...top that off for you, Commander?"

    "Anytime." Shane winked at his latest acquisition, a gorgeous blonde waitress who was poured into her skimpy serving outfit. One good thing he could say about Russo-his new dress code for the Smackdown's female employees was a blessing to the male customers. "All set for tonight, Trish?"

    Her smile was sweet, but it stopped there. That was why Shane had snatched her off Copeland-10, and fortunately her beautiful looks dazzled Russo to the point of blindness. "Oh yes sir. I always do my best work at night."

    Shane practically choked on his synthehol. Trish was a nice little toy, a very important player in his game, but she was far too obedient and pliable. Not like Lita, he thought, his eyes sweeping over the lithe red-head  who was wasting her charms on that wimp Jeff Hardy.

    Commander McMahon smiled. Soon, there would be no more Jeff, no more Matt, and little Lita would be very lonely indeed. She'd need comfort, something to keep her occupied....

    Lita was just the icing on the cake really. Shane could not risk having that rainbow-headed freak save his sister this time; sparing her from what her big brother had to do would probably get Stephie killed. Worse yet, there was always the possibility of those damn Hardyz saving the ship themselves, a nasty habit the Aerialian mutants had developed in the past several months. The Titanprize was Shane's to save-no one else's....

    Shane leered as Lita's eyes snapped with pure fire. She'd felt his stare, turned to face him.

    Soon Red, you'll be caught in the spider's web, and there will be no escape....

ENGINEERING

    "I can't work like this!" Stephanie buried her face in her hands, head throbbing, the gash in her leg burning with pain. The phaser wounds that Kimberly had so graciously given her during the takeover were healing nicely, but sometimes white-hot agony seared through the scars...

    Counselor Snow claimed it was psychological, but then the idiot thought she was in love with that putrid Jericho too. What a quack!

    "Standing up?" Chris asked, only half-interested in his tri-corder readings as he scanned the warp core. "Fully clothed? Without an ensign on top of you? What's the problem?"

    "Normally, I'd say you." She scowled at him. "What I mean is that it's a pain in the butt working with all these freaking armed Nytron babysitting us! It's an insult!"

    "Sort of like an ensign leaving only one credit on the nightstand when you're through?" Jericho couldn't help it. Phaser or no phaser pointed at his head, that didn't change the fact that Stephanie was a skank!

    "That's it!" Stephanie's eyes blazed with a white-hot fury. "What have I done to offend the great Christina Jericho now? Is this about me screwing up your precious little plan with your little girlfriend Chyna? Maybe your macho pride is still smarting from having Hunter get the better of you! Heck, he practically bashed in your no-selling titanium with his sledgehammer-that still gnaw at your gut Chrissie? Get some brass ones and just spit it out!"

    Jericho studiously avoided her eyes. When she was angry like this, they just looked so stormy and so....so...

    Ick! What the hell was he thinking? Why couldn't Matt just fix his emotion chip and get it over with?

    "Lt Commander Jericho is a little conflicted right now." Jeff said seriously as he strolled past the warp core. "He wants to jump you but isn't sure if that's appropriate during an occupation. Androids aren't that familiar with sexual etiquette and get easily frustrated."

    Stephanie's mouth fell open. "You little-"

    "Ohhhh Engineering!"

    Both Jericho and Steph forgot about Ensign Hardy's crack as Kimberly pranced off the main turbolift in an ultra-short Wrestlefleet skirted uniform, squealing and clapping her hands together like a little girl hopped up on a gallon of sugar.

    "Come to stick your head in the plasma generator, slut?" Commander McMahon-Helmsley asked icily. "That would boost crew morale by about a thousand percent!"

    "Ohhh no." Kimberly giggled, training her phaser on Stephanie and enjoying it thoroughly when the little princess flinched. "Captain Russo sent me to keep an eye on things. I was sort of hoping Chrissie here could give me a little "hands-on" experience with the equipment."

    Stephanie felt heat flush her face, the loathing she felt for this piece of Nytron garbage like acid burning in her veins....

    "Lesson Number One." Jericho smiled coldly. "Proper Phaser Use. Stick business end of the weapon between your lips, adjust setting to maximum kill, and depress the trigger. Go for it Kimmie."

    Kimberly laughed merrily. "The only thing I plan on wrapping my lips around is your pretty little android mouth sweetheart. But uhhh, you want to play hard to get, I can amuse myself in other ways."

    Stephanie was like a rock, unmoving and expressionless as the wench ripped the stars off her collar.

    "There!" Kimberly's smile was painfully sunny. "Class, you may now refer to the Titanprize's resident mattress as Ensign Helmsley! Oh my! That means there's two Ensign Helmsley's now - how confusing!"

    "I bet the idea of keeping your legs together confuses you." Jeff was smiling too. "And by the way, we're still going to treat her as our commander, no matter how catty and childish you choose to get."

    "You're cute." Kimberly beamed at him. "Aren't you the one who pretends to like girls?"

    "The fact that he's not willing to check into your crab motel says nothing about his manhood, Kimmie." Jericho was fuming. How dare she wiggle her way into his department and insult his officers! "What the hell do you want?"

    "I think I like you as a Commander." Jericho felt dirty as she leaned over him and pinned a pair of Stephanie's stars on his uniform. "Something about men in a position of power really turns me on."

    "Something about a man with a pulse turns you on." Chris said flatly. "I don't want a promotion from you or your slimeball master."

    "Tough!" Kimberly let her touch linger against his throat. "You'll soon find out dearest.... I can make you do exactly what I want, when I want. I can even make you like it."

    "We have work to do." Jericho wanted to reach out, wrap his hands around her neck and just squeeze...."Captain Russo expects us to run his little ship, we can't be disturbed. Get out of our face. Now."

    "Aye...Commander." She winked at him, savoring the horrid little look of humiliation and rage that creased Stephie's perfect little features. How perfectly awful for the precious princess, suddenly being the total inferior to the man she so desperately desired and could never have!

    But Kimberly could have him - as long as the Nytron controlled the Titanprize she could have whatever she wanted!

THE SMACKDOWN

    "Kanatian brandy - make it a triple." Stephanie hoped that was strong enough to ease the jagged lightning bolts of pain that tore through her head. Everytime she gazed down at her shabby new ensign's uniform, it made the agony more intense.

    "Aye Commander." Trish smiled warmly, with just that right touch of compassion in her honeyed voice.

    "Better not let Kimberly hear you address me like that." Stephanie massaged her aching temples with her fingers as she watched the curvy blonde pour the the high-octane liquor into a glass. Who was she? Shane had mentioned something recently about hiring a sexy new waitress...."She's vowed to shoot on sight anyone who doesn't refer to me as Ensign Helmsley."

    "Oh sure the skank talks tough." Trish tossed her silky golden mane of hair. "But I bet she'd cry like a baby if she broke a nail!"

    Stephanie didn't reply, couldn't reply as the amber-colored liquid ignited an inferno in her lungs. She could barely breathe, but what was the point of breathing in the foul air around here anyways? She'd expected a lot of things - horribly creative methods of physical torture tested out on the crew, chaining them all to the pipes down in sanitation, even execution.

    The Nytron, surprise, surprise, had been far more clever than that. Russo and his merry band of snivelling chickens had kept the Wrestlefleet officers alive and manning the ship, all the better to feel every waking moment of their ultimate humiliation.

    "Whoa - take it easy Ensign." Trish advised her, eyes luminous with concern. "Kanata produces some pretty strong poison."

    "I can handle it." The burning in her chest had mellowed, and now the brandy felt like warm satin sliding down her throat.  All the tension in her muscles began to dissipate with each sip, her vision getting pleasantly clouded. To hell with the Nytron, to hell with Chris Jericho, and to hell with her husband, whom she hadn't seen since the occupation began! She didn't even know if Hunter was still alive, but dead or alive, she got the same sad amount of attention.

    Absolutely none.

    "More." Stephanie thrust the glass across the bar. She needed to drown out the sounds of these no-class, bottom-feeding Nytron scum partying it up all around her. Heck, Bradshaw and Farooq could guzzle all the beer in the bar and not act this obnoxious! Perhaps it was better that Daddy not live to see the carnival sideshow his precious Titanprize had become...

    "I'm gonna have to cut you off after this one, Stephanie." Trish said gently, a pale blue capsule sliding through her fingertips and splashing into the brandy. Too bad the freshly demoted ensign was too depressed to notice.....

DECK 9-CREW'S QUARTERS

    "Commander - what's wrong?"

    "Lita?" Maybe there were two Lita's. Maybe Lita had a twin sister. Stephanie wasn't sure as her vision alternated between blurring and doubling .  She leaned against the cool titanium walls, an icy sweat soaking the fabric of her wretched ensign's uniform.  Oh lord, would the world just stand still for a minute?

    "Been to the Smackdown, Steph?" Lita sighed as Stephanie almost collapsed on her. "Try and stand up alright?"

    "I uhhhh...." Her tongue felt like it was a mile thick and oh so clumsy. Had she been in the Smackdown? Stephanie didn't quite remember if that was a dream or reality or if it had been yesterday or a year ago. All her memories were flowing together like liquid in her drowsy brain, the hallway near her door spinning like the center of a tornado. "Dunno Lita."

    "How many did you have?" That was...Jeff? Matt? Anyways, he sounded exasperated.

    "One." Yes, she was sure of that! "I swear....jussst one."

    "One my ass." Lita said bluntly. "I've seen Lt Bradshaw put away a keg and not be this drunk!"

    "What's the code to get into your room, Steph?" It was definitely Jeff; his colorful hair was making her queasy.

    "Uhhhh..." Stephanie stared blankly at the control panel. "My room?"

    Lita frowned. Of course, the Commander would take her demotion hard, but the stupid girl had to know it was temporary until the Titanprize could be returned to Captain McMahon's control! And she had to know that this was a darn poor time to be drowning her sorrows over some ridiculous marital problems!

    "Er...she's really messed up Lita." Jeff felt uneasy. "Maybe we should take her to Dr. Taker."

    "No!" Lita snapped. "She'll be humiliated! She just needs some black coffee and some time to sleep this off!"

    "Steph!"

    Ensign Hardy felt his stomach twist into that oh so familiar knot as Shane stalked towards them like a predator circling his next meal, a protective fire burning behind those sneaky weasel eyes. He'd already stripped Jeff of his rank and tried to use his own sister as a timebomb; god only knew how the brat would react to finding his favorite Aerialian with an arm around Stephie...

    "We were trying to help her." Lita said furiously as she watched Commander Scumbag tap in the manual override to Stephanie's door. "You're obviously too busy selling secrets to Russo to notice she's dangerously intoxicated!"

    "She needs a doctor." Jeff insisted.

    "No." Shane scowled. "What Stephanie needs is for you losers to stay the hell away from her! You call yourself her friends? Everytime my sister gets near you Aerialian geeks she ends up in hot water! You're a jinx!"

    "Do you know how many times we've saved her life?" Lita spluttered, so enraged she could've pistol-whipped Shane with her phaser, had the Nytron allowed ensigns to be armed. "As opposed to how many times you've tried to murder her!"

    "Ensign Hardy, you need to get to ShuttleBay 4 and do a pre-flight check." Shane's voice was dipped in ice. "Find that moronic brother of yours and get cracking. You have Russo's bidding to do at 1400 hours tomorrow!"

    "Considering how you've backstabbed the entire crew, pardon me if I don't rush right off and leave Steph alone in your custody!"

    Oh no, Shane thought, Jeff wasn't going to play hero this time! "I'm calling Counselor Snow. My sister obviously has broken down under the strain of what's been happening and has resorted to drinking! You think I enjoy seeing her like this? I want to help her!"

    "Let it go, Jeff." Lita lightly touched his shoulder. "I mean, he's calling Counselor Snow. Al can be trusted." She felt that cold shiver go up her spine, but she had to ignore it. Steph just looked so weak and tortured that it was easier to suspect dark forces at work than accept some sort of nervous fit. And while Shane was clearly the spawn of Satan, he did seem genuinely touched by his sister's plight.

    And maybe Lita didn't want to believe that Stephanie had a breaking point, that she'd have to see her friend this way....

COMMANDER MCMAHON-HELMSLEY'S QUARTERS

    "What the hell is wrong with my wife?" Hunter was wearing a path in the carpet from storming back and forth. He didn't want to be here, didn't want to bear witness to another of his bratty bride's little "emergencies" Watching his wife curled up in a catatonic ball, sucking her thumb and crying her eyes out was still better than taking crap from Russo and Jarrett on the bridge though.

    "Ask him!" Lita pointed an accusatory finger at Shane, who was standing in a shadowy corner looking dead tired.

    "I recommend you stow that disrespect, Ensign Lita!" Commander McMahon felt waves and waves of nausea crashing over him. Couldn't Lita leave him the heck alone? Couldn't she realize that he didn't want it to go down like this? No, of course not - she thought he was the devil incarnate. "If I find out you and Jeff had anything to do with this-"

    "I'm gonna throw every single one of your stank asses out of here if you don't shut the hell up!" Dr. Taker was kneeling in front of a sedated Stephanie, tombstone gray eyes locked on his medical tri-corder. He didn't like what he was seeing....

    "Is it...physical, Doc?" Shane's knees were shaking, wondering if he would find the illegal Nytron drug being carried along in his sister's bloodstream.

    "Don't see anything bogus going on in her brain." Dr. Taker shook his head, sighed. Dammit! Stephanie was not at risk for this kind of breakdown. He had no love lost for the McMahon family, but he knew they had an iron will that couldn't be broken this easily.  "Counselor Snow is right for once. It's functional."

    "You mean mental?" Lita's face became as flame-red as her hair. "Steph is not a psycho! He's doing something to her!"

    She had that finger of hers in his face again...."Stand down Lita! Before I lock you in the brig!" Shane's ears were getting pink too.

    "Believe me Lita." Dr. Taker smiled thinly. "I would love to pin this one on Ritchie Rich there, but Stephanie  hasn't been compromised in any way that I can detect. Best thing we can do while the rats run the ship is keep her safe in here and let Al work with her. I'm sorry Hunter, Shane."

    "Not your fault." Shane ran his hands through his short, dark hair. So he'd gotten away with it this time, but what about next time?

NYTRON MOON MYSTERIO-6

    "Now this is the definition of sucktitude." Matt spit out a mouthful of mud and dirt, touching a hand to his head. His fingers were slick with something damp and crimson - blood. "I must have a concussion. I'm quoting Edge and Christian for pete's sake."

    He winced upon opening his eyes, the glare of some unknown sun reflecting painfully off a giant pile of twisted, contorted metal. The air was acrid with the scent of burnt wiring and spilled chemicals. It came back to him in nasty little flashbacks - the warp core on the verge of detonating, the plasma blowing sky-high before they could eject the damn thing.....

    "Jeff!" Matt staggered to his feet, limping around the wreckage. "Jeff?"

    "Over here!" Jeff was kneeling behind some jagged rocks, wiping blood off his own face with the sleeve of his uniform. "Geez Matt, you broke it!"

    "Me?" Matt sat down, dizziness flipping the scenery in a most uncomfortable way. "You're the moron who pulled that freaking wire out of the navigational console. I told you not to play with stuff!"

    "It came off in my hand!" Jeff protested. "You know how low the production values of the Nytron are! I'm suprised the hull didn't dissolve everytime we collided with cosmic dust!"

    "Forget it." Matt sighed. A bitterly cold wind blew stinging dust into their eyes and noses, making them both choke. "Dammit! How are we supposed to get back to the Titanprize anyways? That thing is a complete loss!"

    "Hmmm too bad the long range scanners are broken." Jeff bit down on his lip. "I could use them to locate your sense of humor."

    "Whip out your tri-corder little brother." Sense of humor? At a time like this? Maybe Steph was right when she said that Lt Commander Jericho was a bad influence on Jeffrey. "See if it can tell you where my foot's gonna be in about two seconds!"

    Ensign Hardy unholstered his damaged tri-corder. "My ass?" he asked innocently.

    Matt laughed. "Well, at least we can figure out why this thing crashed. I'd hate to be abandoned and die in vain."

    "Let me enlighten you Matty." Jeff brushed himself off and duitfully followed his big brother over to the smoldering scrap heap. "Shane O' handpicked us for this mission and I doubt it was for our good looks and dazzling talent. Well, not yours anyways."

    Matt didn't argue. "So he's expecting to find two corpses if he scans the moon, right?"

    Jeff frowned. "Unfortunately. Alas, we don't have any phasers to shoot ourselves with so Commander Shane the Pain can be satisfied."

    Matt pressed a finger to his lips - he'd picked up the sound of heavy footsteps crunching the lunar dirt. The floating pebble would be just crawling with Nytron scum considering they had crash-landed  near an illegal weapons factory.

    Jeff nodded to indicate he had heard it too, several yards away. Tearing a jagged, razor-sharp piece of metal away from the folded-up hull, his face lit up with a slightly bloodthirsty smile. "Looks like we got ourselves some volunteers to play dead Hardyz."

    Matt reluctantly removed his comm badge. It was the only way they could be tracked here, but right now it was better off pinned to a dead man's chest - their only hope of fooling the Titanprize's cursory scans. "Okay,  after we eliminate these two, what the heck do we do? His voice was a whisper. "The two of us aren't exactly equipped to storm a Nytron base of operations."

    "Ummm...duh?" Jeff whispered back. "I guess we just survive til they come back to get us. Maybe we can get into the factory and find some way to communicate we're here."

    "They're gonna think we're dead, kid." Matt said impatiently. "Unless Steph wants to come and retrieve our bodies once Vinnie Mac gets his ship back. She does owe us a couple."

    "Steph's nuts." Jeff said bluntly. "She probably won't even remember us."

    "She is not nuts." Matt hissed. "Shane's messing with her. It's so totally obvious!"

    "Man." Jeff shook his head, crouching down as the footsteps approached. "You really need to stop hanging out with Edge and Christian so much."

ENSIGN LITA'S QUARTERS

    Lita sat curled up on her sofa, staring into the dark. The lights bothered her eyes too much, made her head ache too much.

    It was all too much really. Ensign Big Poppa Pump and his cronies making lewd jokes about her in the Smackdown, the way she felt so violated everytime she walked into Engineering and saw those armed Nytron in her space, the way her friend was being pushed over the edge by her own big brother and Lita was so helpless to stop it....

    If only Jeff was there to make her laugh! Why wasn't he back from that sleazy little mission of his anyways?

    "Get out!" Lita glared at Commander Shane McMahon, who had the incredible nerve to manually override her room locks and step inside her quarters. Her privacy was the only thing she had left to call her very own on this Nytron-run ship. "Get the hell out of my face right now, Commander!"

    Shane raised an eyebrow. "Shame on you, Ensign. Wrestlefleet protocol still stands during a time of occupation."

    "Screw protocol." Lita's smile was arctic. "Shouldn't you be off strapping Stephanie into a straightjacket or something?"

    "Lita, Lita, Lita." Shane sighed, sitting on the sofa with her, touching her fiery red hair ever so gently...

    She shuddered, squishing against a pillow.  She hoped she wouldn't puke all over him, though it would be fun to see the look on his face if she did.

    "I need to tell you something, Lita." Shane said solemnly. "This is the hardest thing a superior officer has to do but.....god....Lita, Matt and Jeff aren't coming back from their mission. I'm sorry."

    "Aren't coming back? What do you mean?" Lita's hand flew over her mouth. She really was going to be sick. "Oh my god!"

    Shane watched with barely concealed amusement as Lita fled to the window, her hair like a bright red comet trailing behind her. She was almost hyperventilating trying not to cry in front of him. "You killed them."

    "What?" Shane exclaimed. "Their shuttle crashed, Lita. It was an accident."

    "Liar!" He was shocked by the Aerialian's agility and strength as she lunged at him, her hands locking around his throat, squeezing like no tomorrow. She was going to crush his windpipe if he didn't-

    "Ow!" Lita reeled back in shock as she felt her arm punctured by a hypospray. "I don't need to be sedated damn you! God, how can you sit there all smug and pretend to care about me when you've just murdered my two best friends? You're lower than Russo!"

    "If anyone killed your little love monkeys it was Russo!" Shane lashed out. Hey, when that Nytron cancer was scrubbed out of existence, disgraced after his failed coup, no one would believe a word he said anyways. Shane could blame stuff on him now with impunity. "I wish there was time to mourn but there isn't. I need your help."

    "My help?" Lita laughed. It sounded hollow. "Sure Shane O' Mac! You send my boyfriend to his death, I reward you by helping to betray the Titanprize! Sign me up!"

    "Guess what honey?" Shane snapped. "Things aren't as black and white as you may think! You sit there with your self-righteous saintly attitude looking down your nose at me, accusing me of trying to kill my sister, murdering your friends, selling out the crew by dealing with Russo! I'm sorry, Lita! I'm sorry I'm not some pure, holier than thou Aerialian hero with a boy scout complex!"

    "Commander-"

    "Shut up!" Shane was pacing circles in front of her. He had never been very good at the whole sitting still thing. "Or better yet, Lita, grow the hell up! I know your rainbow-haired love slave always performed his perfect little rescues by the book, but some of us have to play dirty to win! Sometimes, being noble doesn't cut it! What's happening to Stephanie is terrible, yes, but just stop and think, Red! If Russo thought she was a threat, what would happen? Look at what Kimmie almost did to her!"

    Lita blinked. What was Commander McMahon trying to say? That he was poisoning Steph's mind to protect her? That maybe Jeff and Matt weren't really dead? Shane's lips were pressed together so tightly that she knew no more secrets would be revealed.

    "What kind of help do you need?" She knew this was a risk, an extremely grave risk. Helping Shane would make her look like a backstabbing traitor in front of the entire crew.

    Then again, her image meant nothing at all if this risk would bring Matt and Jeff back to her!

OUTSIDE COMMANDER MCMAHON-HELMSLEY'S QUARTERS

    "Brother this is so totally the cushiest job ever!" Edge was smiling prettily, his teeth casting a blinding white light throughout the darkened hallway. Captain Russo had instituted a new rule about powering down the ship during the night hours. "Guarding a total skank is so much easier than flying the Titanprize!"

    "Nytron occupation rules!" Christian exclaimed, happily high-fiving his older brother. "This is like the single most coolest thing we've ever been ordered to do! It doesn't even mess up my hair!"

    "You speak the truth brother!" Edge nodded. "Like, the singularity of the coolness...and stuff totally defies sucktitude!"

    "Does your punk ass call that English, boy?" Farooq calmly removed the cigar from between his lips. "Cause to me you sound like a damn valley girl!"

    "It's like how people talk when they're totally hip, dude!" Edge shook his head sadly. "Don't you read the articles in Galaxy Beat?"

    "Uhhh..." Bradshaw really could've used a beer then. Really used one! "Only publication Farooq and I read  is My Foot In Your Ass Journal. Ever turned the pages of that one, boys?"

    "Hello?" Christian looked disgusted. "I only read mags that have taken pictures of me!"

    "Yeah well." Lt Farooq pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket. "Matt and Jeff Hardy left you something in their will, wanted us to give it to you special."

    Edge frowned. "Like....they're dead? No one told me."

    "Death totally sucks!" Christian grimaced. "I mean, you don't even get to do your own hair and clothes before they stick you in the coffin! I hope I don't look totally heinous when my number's up!"

    "You want what Matt and Jeff left you or not?" Bradshaw demanded.

    "Can I have DUH for $200 please?" Edge replied, with a practiced toss of his shimmery blonde hair. "Man, I just knew the Ensigns Hardy were down with us! Radical!"

    "Perhaps not brother." Christian said warily. "Imagine the total horror of being left young Jeffrey's wardrobe? That would be, like, the supreme definition of suckage!"

    "I doubt the fair Lita would allow Jeffrey to give her clothes away though." Edge assured him.

    "I think you're gonna enjoy this boys." Bradshaw was grinning from ear to ear. "I know I'm sure as hell gonna enjoy giving it to you!"

    "Cool!" Christian beamed.

    "Damn cool!" Farooq unholstered a steel pipe and wacked Christian across the shoulders with it, while Bradshaw enthusiastically dismantled Edge's shin with a 2X4 he's been holding behind his back. They couldn't help but laugh as the two blonde teen idols curled up into quivering little balls. It was a damn crying shame that the will only called for five minutes of stiff, old-fashioned ass-kicking!

    "Please!" Edge moaned. "Just...spare...the....face!"

    "Sucktitude!" Christian could barely whisper that one word as he lay sprawled in a bloody heap on the floor.

    "Oh yeah, and Jeff especially wanted you to have this." Bradshaw spit in both their faces. "Well I've worked up quite a thirst there. Beer in the Smackdown?"

    "You bet your ass!" Farooq nodded at the cocky Kanatians. "Evening boys."

    "Ahhh saliva!" Christian was able to scream now. "My skin has been sullied! The synthehol in his spit will burn my delicate face like acid!"

    Edge tapped his comm badge. "Medical Emergency on Deck 9...hurry!"

CAPTAIN'S READY ROOM

    "I gotta hand it to ya, Shane O'!" Vince Russo had the gall to stick his dirty boots up on his father's desk, laughing as he watched the images of the Hardyz fatal shuttle crash on Mysterio-6 flash across his monitor. "Murdering those two sissy boys really took some testicular fortitude!"

    And then he dared to use Pop's catchphrases? Where did he get off? Well, besides with Kimberly? "Trust me, it's for the best."

    "Oh I know, I know!" Russo was rocking back in his chair, darn near giggling so hard enjoying the film of Matt and Jeff's shuttle spiraling in a fireball towards the moon's surface that he almost fell on the floor. "I read their glowing little service records! I mean, what the hell, what kind of crap runs this ship when two uppity little ensigns always have to save the day?"

    "They were just lucky." Shane said through clenched teeth. Little losers had more commendations for bravery on their records than he did!

    "Thanks to you, their luck just ran out!" Russo smiled, steadying his seat. "I think you should be rewarded."

    "A phaser?" Shane raised an eyebrow as The Chosen One silently slipped the weapon into his grip.

    "Sure." Vince nodded. "Hey, if you wanted you could take both me and JJ out right now."

    Commander McMahon grinned and holstered the phaser. "The Titanprize is finally being run like a real federation flagship instead of a travelling soap opera! And I'm gonna punch a phaser hole through the man who made that a reality? Cut me a break Vinnie!"

    "I love a good suck-up!" Russo glowered at the Chosen One. "You taking notes, slapnutz? This is how you get on my good side!" He shook his head at Shane. "Good help is freakin' hard to find!"

    "I don't suck up, Russo." Shane said icily.

    "Course you don't." Now why didn't Bishoff have brass ones like this kid? "Bloodthirsty little brat aren't you though? Guess cutting down young ensigns in their prime helps to block out the pain of your sister going looney tunes!"

    Shane went rigid in his seat. Killing Matt and Jeff was just for kicks and giggles, but how dare he crack jokes about Stephanie! "Your girlfriend put my kid sister through hell in that holodeck! What did you expect?"

    "Take it easy, Shane O'!" Vince had to admit, that McMahon temper could be most amusing. "I'll keep my little freak on her leash. I just feel sorry for all the horny little ensigns that will be left high and dry cause of your sister going bonkers!"

    His face was turning deep hot crimson despite his efforts to check his rage. Shane knew this was just a sick test of his loyalty, but for one second it would've been so worth it to make Russo suck plasma....

    "Let go of me fatso!" Shane's head whipped around in surprise as Lita was dragged through the door by pathetic, over-the-hill Ensigns Nash and Hall.

    "Ensign Lita!"

    "Commander Weasel!" She spit on him as Nash and Hall hauled her over to Russo and forced her down on her knees. "Golly, I feel just like your sister right now, Shane!"

    "Have you been a naughty girl, Lita?" Shane smiled as he pressed his newly acquired phaser into the back of her neck. "More Aerialian blood on my hands won't bother me a bit, Captain."

    "Not the head, Shane O'!" Russo grinned. "She's got such a pretty, pretty face! Oh and those eyes....such fire in them! What did the wench do?"

    "That babe Trish caught her behind the bar ransacking the liquor cabinet." Nash explained. "Ranting and raving that she was trying to poison Stephanie. We let the catfight go on for five minutes before we broke it up!"

    "I want that security tape!" Russo barked. "Well, well Lita, I really don't care for your tendency to take the law into your own sexy little hands. But you're just too damn hot to kill you know? Shane, I know how much this one floats your boat so....take her?"

    "Take her?"

    "You're a busy man, you need a devoted slave!" Russo was grinning so sadistically.... "And if she refuses to...satisfy your wishes, feel free to kill her. Painfully."

    "I could use a decent foot rub." Shane picked Lita up by her hair, making her yelp. "Come on baby, I'll wash away the taint of that Hardy mutant for you-OW!"

    Lita had kneed him in the groin.

    "Holy cow Lita." Shane hissed as he doubled over. "I said make it realistic, not so damn convincing I'm unable to reproduce."

    "I think I just did the world a favor!" she hissed back. "And I will cut it off if we go back to that Nytron moon and find only Jeff's dead body!"

    Shane flinched as she removed her brutally oppressive knee from between his legs. He was definitely gonna have to find a good hiding place on this ship when they arrived at Mysterio-6 again, cause no way on God's green earth did the little Hardy freak survive that fiery explosion.....

COMMANDER MCMAHON-HELMSLEY'S QUARTERS

    "What a pleasant surprise, Commander!" Kimberly licked her high-gloss lips as Jericho stormed off the turbolift. Oh but he did look dashing in that sexy red uniform she'd forced him to wear...and he wouldn't look half-bad out of it either! Boy, the hallway was getting warm.....

    "Do you know what would be a pleasant surprise, slut?" Jericho wanted to toss his cookies all over her spiked heels. Granted, Skankanie had tried to stuff herself into some pretty revealing and desperately unflattering skirts, but this get-up of Kimmie's was like some sort of sequined band-aid. She looked so darmn smutty that she'd have to work at raising herself up to the level of gutter trash!. "If I were to stumble across your corpse in this corridor!"

    "Ohhh, having fantasies about me on my back." Kimberly's perfume was so cloying and sweet he wanted to find an oxygen mask to help him breath. "Naughty Chris, very naughty."

    "Move!"

    Kimberly pressed her back against the steel door. "Take it easy tiger! She'll still be nuts five minutes from now - and you need to pay the price of admission!"

    Jericho did openly gag as she closed her eyes and puckered up her lips. "I've listened to your cheap prostitution cliches for 30 seconds wicked wench of the west. I dare say that is payment enough!"

    She pouted. "I thought you Kanatians liked hockey. I just wanna play the tonsil kind."

    Good sweet lord!  He felt wires in his positronic net starting to sizzle and burn from the sheer stupidity of the encounter. "I really need to check on my ensign, Kimmie. Go jump on Russo for a while."

    "Cut the crap Commander!" Kimberly's seductive manner disappeared into thin air, her eyes blazing with genuine rage. "Is that little dreamworld you and Stephie live in a happy place, Chrissie? God, how could you be such a brilliant android and be so freaking stupid at the same time? She hates you!"

    Was Kimmie having a temper tantrum? She was jumping up and down like a petulant child, only this aggravating brat was about to come out of her microscopic top and blind him permanently if she didn't stop!

    "How can you love her?" she demanded, her own nails digging into her palms so hard she could feel blood. "How Chris?"

    "Love?" Jericho burst out laughing. "What don't you get, Kim? I don't love! I don't hate! I just plain don't feel!"

    "This job does have its perks." Kimberly had switched on her sunny smile again as she reached into his holster and removed his tri-corder. "You won't be needing this."

    "You can take your hand out of there now." Jericho would crush her wrist into powder if she didn't.

    In fact, he wouldn't feel guilty about crushing a whole lot more if given the chance....

    "Chris!"

    Jericho experienced a shock to his emotion chip as Stephanie flung her slender, fragile arms around his neck, the cool silk of her nightgown pressed uncomfortably close to his body...."Wow Stephie, you really have cracked up haven't you?"

    "I'll forgive that this time." Oh no. She was laying her head on his shoulder, long,dark hair smelling just like cinnamon...ICK! "Oh Chris, you have no idea how good it is to be around someone normal, someone who isn't trying to drug me or poison me or god knows what!"

    Great Matt - you picked a perfect time to croak!  Jericho thought bitterly. Couldn't you have at least fixed my emotion chip before you went?

    "Well, you haven’t gotten any prettier that's for sure." Chris said, eyeing her critically after she'd let go of her embrace. Her skin was washed out and chalk-white, she'd thinned out a little too much for his taste, and  her eyes were puffy and red from crying. "But you aren't acting any crazier either."

    Stephanie laughed weakly, sinking into her sofa. She was so slight and delicate that it seemed like the luxurious piece of furniture could swallow her right up...."I'm not even close to being wacko, Chrissie. Believe me though, it's not cause someone hasn't been trying."

    "Explain."

    "I can do better than that." Steph reached behind a cushion, palming what would turn out to be a sparkling blue puddle of mush. "Don't give me that look!" She scowled. "I found this in my food, half-dissolved. I don't know what it is, being denied a tri-corder and all."

    "No problem." Jericho sat beside her and popped a small hatch on his arm, a convenient hiding place for the small medical scanner that Dr. Taker has smuggled to him. Naive little Kimmie - she'd trust anything she thought she could sleep with! "Well, well, well. Nytron drug! it induces psychosis and hallucinations by altering brain chemistry. Neat trick!"

    "Thought so." Stephanie eyes sparkled with tears. "Shane's newest trinket Trish has been bringing all my meals to me. I thought she was so sweet too."

    "Sweet like cyanide." Jericho frowned. "Interesting that it was Shane who hired her."

    "I know my brother is a traitor." Tears streamed freely down her face now. "The worst thing is that the pill I  found was spit out by the replicator! He must have programmed it to drug me when he came to check on his poor kid sister!"

    Jericho awkwardly put an arm around her as she sobbed angrily. "Steph-"

    "Shane said it was broken!" She threw the pill across the room, watching it splat against a wall and drip poisonous slime onto her carpet. "All he wanted to do was rig the thing so it would contaminate my food and I would go nuts! What the heck kind of family was I born into?"

    "Oh my god." He stared at her. "Are you telling me you haven't eaten in days? No wonder you look like a skanky little toothpick!"

    "Ease up on the compliments Chrissie, would you?" Stephanie rolled her eyes. "Once in a while Hunter shows up and he gets me something from Tori or Terri or Chyna. You know, I'd tell him but I don't really think he'd care."

    "He'd probably try to replace Shane's drugs with rat poison." Jericho muttered, heading into the bathroom and returning with a handful of tissue. "Here-get a hold of yourself."

    She wiped her eyes obediently. "It's almost pleasant you know? Not having to be in Engineering and get hassled by those Nytron slugs."

    Chris didn't say anything. Odd....in his own twisted way, Shane had spared his little sister a whole lot of grief by keeping her trapped in here. However, the Y2J Unit wasn't quite ready to invest a whole lot of trust in big brother's nobility.

    "Stephanie, I have to tell you something."

    She brushed the last tears away, looking up at him with...was that...hope in her eyes? What did she expect him to say?

    "Chris?"

    "Jeff and Matt...." Jericho looked down at the floor, surprised at how...how empty he felt when he said their names, as if he actually missed them. He knew he had his chip on, but crushing Stephanie with this kind of news bothered him more than he expected. "Well....they're...."

    His voice trailed off. He didn't like this whole grief thing, the void that opened up in him when all these ridiculous memories came flooding back. Jericho would never forget the first time young Jeff had insulted Stephanie in such a way that even the great Y2J Unit had stepped back in admiration. The pride he'd felt at that moment brought a tear to his eye now....

    "Chris?" Stephanie touched his arm, her expression genuinely concerned. "Jeff and Matt what? Has Russo done something to them? Don't tell me those little idiots tried to save the ship?" She sighed. "I know they're good at the whole hero thing but-"

    "They're dead." Well, wasn't he just the paragon of sensitivity today? "I didn't mean for it to come out like that Steph, I'm sorry."

    "Dead? No..."

    "Yeah." he said softly. "Your darling brother recommended them for a run to a Nytron weapons factory. They took some piece of junk WCW shuttle and it crashed on the moon after a warp core explosion No survivors."

    "When's the memorial service?"

    Chris laughed, wondering why he was so cruel. He didn't mean to be. "Stephie, do you really think our fine new Captain is gonna allow us that? He's sure as heck not gonna go back and retrieve the bodies."

    "Well excuuuuse me!" Stephanie buried her face in a cushion, just in case she got a little weepy. Crying over herself? Fine, Chrissie could see that. Crying over the Hardyz-no thanks! "Jeff can't be dead! Who's supposed to save my life now? I might as well go jump out an airlock now that the stupid idiot's gone and killed himself!"

    "Amazing sweetie." Jericho shook his head. "Wherever Jeff is right now, I bet he's deeply touched by your empathy and compassion. It's that kind of selfless devotion to your ensigns that-"

    "Oh would you just shut the hell up?" she snapped, jumping off the sofa and running to her window. Stephanie hugged herself tightly as she watched the unfamiliar stars race by in streams of light. Didn't Chris realize how hard this was for her? "How's Lita?"

    "Oh yes, Lita." Jericho made a face. "She's fine. I think being in Shane O' Mac's hip pocket is helping her out a lot."

    "Lita and Shane?" Stephanie wrinkled up her nose. She looked to see if Chris was kidding, but there wasn't a hint of a smile on his gorgeous lips. "That's.....didn't Jeff mean anything to her at all?"

    Jericho shrugged. "I suppose. Maybe she's just cozying up to Prince Charmless to see what devious scheme he's hatching next. Maybe she's just trying to forget her decent boyfriend by playing kissing games with a man who's the total opposite. I didn't ask-it's none of my business."

    "Who on this ship can I trust now?" Stephanie asked quietly, her frail arms failing to keep herself warm. "The only female friend I have is degrading herself with my backstabbing brother and-"

    "I think you need something to eat." His startling android reflexes caught Steph before she passed out from dangerously low blood sugar. She felt so tiny, like if held her too close she might break...."You can trust me alright? I'll have Chyna find you something in the Smackdown."

    Stephanie nodded.

    "My, my, my how utterly cozy." Kimberly stood in the doorway, phaser pointed at the pair, a malicious smirk twisting her features. "You do have this toy robot wrapped around your little finger, don't you princess?"

    "She's sick Kimmie." Jericho had gone frigid. "She can barely stand up on her own."

    "Oh stop your whining Chrissie!" Kimberly giggled as Stephanie cowered and clung to her big bad android protector. "Easy street just became a very bumpy road honey. Captain Russo has decided that his Nytron  warriors deserve some nice plush quarters and will be evicting the Wrestlefleet crew effective immediately."

    "Where are we supposed to sleep?" Stephanie cried.

    "My man is nothing if not caring." the Nytron assured her with a patronizing smile. "All the shuttle bays have been magically transformed into living quarters for the Titanprize crew. I've personally selected a lovely pair of bunks for the two of you-Chrissie on top and Princess on bottom where she belongs!"

    "My husband-"

    "Hunter?" Kim laughed slyly. "Gee, since he'll be sleeping in a whole other shuttle bay I hope he doesn't have one of those jealous streaks or creative imaginations!"

    Jericho wore a nasty smile of his own. "Don't you worry sugar. I'll make sure and point him towards the witch who thought up the idea in the first place."

    "If you can still talk when he's done hammering you into a thousand pieces, be my guest!" Kimberly said pleasantly. "You have five minutes before I drag you out of here kicking and screaming."

    "Fantastic." Stephanie sighed. "I always knew that if I ever had to sleep with you it would be god-awful and forced at gunpoint."

    "Hurry up and get your stuff." Jericho fixed her with a withering glare. "If we don't get you fed soon your trademark chubby thighs will disappear altogether."

    "Get it for me, Chris." She smiled faintly. The zingers just weren't as much fun under Nytron occupation, but maybe that was because Russo was so good at ruining the entertainment value of anything with his dictates and orders. "I'm too shaky right now."

    "Try not to die while I'm gone." Jericho disappeared into her bedroom, not exactly excited to lay hands on her intimate apparel. The war of words had lost some of its fire, but maybe that was because the illusion of hate they'd both worked so hard to create was stretching thin under the pressure of the occupation.

    And maybe, just maybe, Jericho needed to find himself another enterprising young ensign to repair his emotion chip, before too many ideas like that started running around in his head!