SEASON SEVEN

EPISODE 10: REVENGE OF THE BLONDES

By: X_C

 SPACE: THE FINAL FRONTIER. THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE WWF TITANPRIZE. IT'S MISSION: TO EXPLORE AND ENTERTAIN NEW SOCIETIES AND NEW CIVILIZATIONS.  TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO WRESTLER HAS GONE BEFORE!

TITANPRIZE/NYTRON CREW:

Captain Vince Russo (aka High Commander)
First Officer, Commander Jeff Jarrett (aka The Chosen One)
Chief Engineer, Commander Stephanie McMahon
Chief of Chiefs, Commander Linda McMahon
Chief of WrestleFleet Security, Commander Kane
Chiefs of Nytron Security, Commanders Hall, and Nash
Chief WrestleFleet Medical Officer, Dr. Taker
Chief Nytron Medical Officer, Dr. V. M. Piro
Diagnostics Officer, Lieutenant Commander Jericho
Tactical Officer, Lieutenant Commander Austin
Transporter Chief, Lieutenant Commander Debra McMichael
Communications Officer, Lieutenant Rock
Counselor Al Snow (assisted by H.E.A.D.)

... And many more!

WWF TITANPRIZE-CAPTAIN'S READY ROOM

    "High Commander's Log, Stardate 073100.00. I am on a ship full of idiots!" Russo spat, making sure the arc of saliva landed in Bishoff's lap. "How can I blow up the Milky Way with so many idiots underfoot?"

    Eric didn't have the answers, and even if he did, it would've hard to get em' out with a dirty sweatsock stuffed in his mouth.

    "Oh yeah, Dr. Taker's a clever bastard!" Russo considered the dart he held in his hands. It would like mighty stylish stuck between Bishoff's teary little eyes. "Putting that All-American Boy Wonder in Vamp's hip pocket - I tell you Eric, there is no deadlier weapon than having an incompetent moron follow you around like a heat-seeking missile!"

    Russo laughed. "I should know - I had your nose stuck to my behind before I got tired of your crap!"

    Bishoff's eyes hardened momentarily. Vince had it one hundred percent backwards....

    "And if I get one more report, one more whiny, snivelling, ass-kissing complaint from those Cocky Kanatians, I swear to god I will do something they will regret for the rest of their miserable, self-absorbed lives!"

    Russo glowered down at the pile of padds that Edge and Christian had stacked on his desk about a mile high. New mirrors, bigger mirrors, demands for cuticle conditioners, Aerialian shampoos, Resian hair follicle strengthener...these guys were bigger prima donnas than his Nytron girls!

    "As god is my witness, Bishoff, I will mess up their hair!"

    Eric gasped in horror. Why didn't he just kill them?

SHUTTLEBAY-4

    "Wrong bunk, jack-ass." Needless to say, Stephanie wasn't in the mood as she climbed the ladder to the top of her and Lt Commander Jericho's sleepytime hideaway. How simply delightful that Hunter had taken the time to show Trishy the bridge in his off-time! Why, she'd just have to let her husband know how much that warmed her little heart!

    "I thought you preferred to being on top." Chris said, raising an eyebrow.

    "What?" Stephanie quickly ducked her head down to see if he was smirking. No, of course not. Even the witty innuendo had lost its spark with him. "By the way...." She crawled under the flawlessly made sheets, covering her faded Wrestlefleet Academy t-shirt and wrinkled boxers. There was a fleeting twinge of missing something as she buried her limp brown hair in the stiff, unforgiving pillow. Jericho was made of titanium and computer chips but the bed he'd slept in still had a very male scent to it... "I'm never getting out of bed again."

    Jericho felt a smile spread across his face, wondering why he felt the urge to bite his tongue. "Why is that, Steph? What happened to the top secret mystery project you were all over like it was a fresh young ensign?"

    "Excuse me?"

    "Nothing. What seems to be the problem, Commander? Not feeling well?"

    "It's not fair!" Stephanie whined. "Ever since Daddy went away all I've done is take these wicked bumps! Every time I turn around, there's Shane waiting to wipe me off the face of the Universe! Maybe if I just stay here, trouble won't find me."

    "Alas, your service record indicates there is a high probability that some form of trouble will locate you despite your best efforts to avoid it."

    "You know what, Chrissie?" Stephanie scowled. "Just shut up!"

    "Are you ordering me to shut up?"

    If she didn't know better, Steph would think he was purposely trying to provoke her! Maybe some little sliver of nastiness had gotten lodged in his positronic net before his emotion chip had been burnt to a crisp.

    "My apologies, Lt Commander Jericho." She spoke through clenched teeth. "I'm a little on edge. I think - I think Dr. Piro did something to me."

    "Piro?" Jericho tensed. His memory banks were flooded with things he'd didn't want to remember, like a promise he'd made to his Commander.

    I will never let anything happen to you, Princess.

    "What exactly did Dr. Piro do to you, Stephanie?"

    "It's all a blur." She shivered. She had memories too, but unlike a machine she couldn't control which ones flashed before her eyes. "You can't tell anyone, but I found Jeff and Matt in stasis. I was trying to free the geeky one when Shane attacked me with a hypospray. I don't know how much time passed...." Icy sweat clung to her pale skin. Her heart had accelerated, but she barely noticed "I came too, and Vamp was hovering over me.  He said...."It will only hurt forever, princess."

    "Dr. Taker-"

    "You know what Chris?" Stephanie curled up into a little ball, holding herself tight. "Maybe it was all a dream. And maybe I don't even wanna know."

    Jericho was silent, trying to trace where the anxiety knotting his stomach originated. Bad nerves didn't happen to androids. Worry was irrelevant.

    "Steph?"

    "Yeah?"

    "Which Hardy do you consider the geeky one?"

    She laughed, though it probably hadn't been a joke. Not from Jericho. "Good night, Chris."

SICKBAY

    "Revenge rules!" Edge and Christian jumped into the air and high-fived each other, their valley girl speak puffed out in icy clouds.

    "Where did you sissies learn how to open a stasis chamber?" Matt was doubled over in pain, every muscle screaming in protest at the premature awakening forced on him. The headfirst spear from Edge probably didn't help the situation either.

    "You morons." Jeff hadn't even realized Christian was capable of a powerbomb - the teen idol usually faked his way out of Commander Kane's fighting classes with one contrived illness or another. At any rate, his twisty Aerialian spine was paying the price. "Captain Russo is going to kill us all now!"

    Christian gasped. "How dare you! Why it was the merciful High Commander who treated us to Resian dental bleach when my poor brother found a blemish on his pearly whites!"

    "Shame on you." Edge shook his head sadly. "The sheer heinosity of that single treasonous uncool statement is equivocal to the singularity of - oh god!" He buried his face in his hands.

    "Turn that frown upside down, bro!" Christian put an arm around his quivering shoulders. "That is what we in the business call a "blown spot"!

    "But it still hurts!" Edge sobbed. "We're supposed to know what that stuff means!"

    "Revenge huh?" Matt was picking glass out of his uniform.

    "Er....." Jeff smiled pleasantly, despite the agony spreading through the small of his back. "I guess I should apologize for that ass-kicking. Of course, it's not really my fault. The whole prank  revolved around the idea that when we died, it would sort of stick."

    Matt shook his head. "Not even death slows you down, does it?"

    "We should keep moving." Jeff was dangling from the ceiling, having slid the hatch to the Jeffries tube aside. "I suppose when they find the empty stasis chambers, they could suspect we'd been eaten. Hard to say how long that theory would hold water though."

    "I doubt Russo cares that we're loose on the ship." Matt said, crawling into the cramped maze of corridors while Christian and Edge debated the benefits of cold air on clogged Kanatian pores. "He's got that whole blowing up the Milky Way thing to keep him occupied."

    "I'd much rather believe the whole universe revolved around me and my dashing heroics." Jeff told him, stopping in mid-escape. "Hold on. I think this could be an entertaining development."

    "Well I'll be damned." Bradshaw had stepped through the open morgue door, a cigar dangling from his lips. "Two prime candidates for me and Farooq's personal bitches!"

    Matt decided to not close the hatch just yet.

    "Er...Matt and Jeff have disappeared." Edge said with a frown. "And the whole..."personal bitches" thing doesn't sound like something Christian and I might be interested in."

    "You replace my beers with white whine spritzers?"

    "Uhhh well Trish did ask us to deliver some brews to you while we hunkering down in the quaint Titanprize watering hole." Christian explained. "You know, we couldn't quite get the hang of how to..."hunker."

    "And I totally broke a cap trying to perfect that redneck ritual of opening a beer bottle with my teeth." Edge whined.

    "You're gonna be paying for a new pair of boots too, you nancy boys."

    Edge and Christian exchanged glances. "We are?"

    "You'll have to replace the ones Dr. Taker removes from your intestinal track." Bradshaw threw his cigar on the floor and crushed it with a good solid stomp.  "Now you got a choice-I can send my foot in through your backdoor or I can cram it down your throat. What's it gonna be?"

    Christian gulped. Edge swallowed.

    Sucktitude was just around the corner.

CAPTAIN'S READY ROOM

    "Loco?" Russo laughed. It sounded more like a mean bark to Jarrett, who had just played his bosses favorite tune across the back of Bishoff with his wooden guitar. Eric really needed to learn not to throw up in fear all over the Cap's expensive carpeting....

    "I'm supposed to cry a river over that pissant little puke?" Russo asked, amused. "Tell me when someone worth a damn decides to turn traitor on me!"

    "What if it inspires others to turn?" Sometimes Vince just got so drunk on his own power that he failed to see the big picture.

    "A little wussie like that?" Russo chuckled. "You're too serious JJ! No one cares about Chavo! Let the punk enjoy his family reunion! And then let him enjoy watching the other half of his stinkin' family get blown to bits when Earth goes bye bye!"

    The Chosen One gritted his teeth. All it took was one backstabber to ignite a mutiny...."Maybe this will get your attention then, High Commander. The Hardyz have mysteriously disappeared from the morgue."

    Russo stopped spinning around in his chair for a minute. "The Hardyz? They're dead."

    "For corpses, they've got a pretty strong bio-signal. Matt and Jeff are playing hide and seek in the Jeffries tubes." Jarrett retorted. "Only thing Dr. Piro found in the morgue was Ensigns Edge and Christian with boots stuck in their - well never mind that. We can flush out the Hardyz and torture them if you want."

    "Don't waste time on two worthless ensigns!" Russo snapped. "We have a galaxy to destroy. What's wrong with your priorities, slapnutz?"

    "You ever read their service record? They're always pulling heroics out of their ass!" Jarrett spat. "You've got to kill them."

    "Do not!" Russo said defiantly. His eyes flashed triumphantly. "Cause you see, bubblebrain, everyone knows Matt and Jeff worship their slut Commander and would never endanger her life by defying McMahon's direct order NOT to save the Titanprize! Lord knows what little tricks Stephie turned to inspire that kind of loyalty..."

    "Ahhh yes." Jarrett smiled faintly. He sometimes forgot what an evil genius his boss was. "That ticking time bomb you had Dr. Piro plant in Stephanie's chest. Only one problem - the Hardyz don't know about it so it's a worthless bargaining chip."

    "Vinnie Mac will order the entire crew to stand down when the time comes." Russo assured him. "Or his daughter will die. I don't see that Matt and Jeff have ever disobeyed their Captain. Now if there's nothing else, Eric and I are going to go bowling - you like bowling don't you, Bishoff?"

    The silver-haired captive had barely woken up from the Chosen One's beating. He moaned.

    "No. Nothing else, slapnutz. Sir." Jarrett had debated whether or not to bring up a certain sensitive subject, but considering how Russo felt about his so-called "adopted son", there was no point in provoking a temper tantrum....

    "I'm gonna roll a perfect game today, Eric." Russo was carefully polishing his prized turquoise bowling ball, admiring the splashes of crimson that Bisoff had left there last time. Why did the chickens always seem to bleed the most?

    The Hardyz were still alive?

    Russo thrust his fingers into the bowling ball. They almost drilled clean through the other side.

    I sent you to retrieve their bodies, Shane O'.

    Bishoff shrieked with terror, wishing it wasn't muffled by a dirty sock. He knew that look.....Russo had no intention of playing for fun today. A little pain, a little torment...that was clearly not going to diminish the bloodthirsty gleam in the madman's eyes.

    Is this how a son would pay his father back, Shane?

THE SMACKDOWN

    "I'll never complain about your company again, Commander." Lita couldn't look away. It was like a gruesome shuttle wreck that hypnotized you with its mind-blowing carnage.

    "Considering my competition, I'm not feeling too flattered." Shane told her. .

    "Make-up rules!" Christian and Edge high-fived each other, cringing as their sprained fingers collided.

    "Oh yes." Trish smiled at them. "This Kanatian concealer will take away those nasty little bruises and make you look good as new!"

    "Radical!" Edge admired his reflection in the handheld mirror he kept securely holstered to his ensigns uniform. "You know, besides me and Christian, you've got the best blonde hair of any dude on the ship!"

    "What?" Trish screamed. Dude? "Do I look male to you?"

    Christian was adjusting his teal-framed sunglasses, trying to strike the right chord between glamorous chic and casual cool. Lita thought he looked like a human-sized bug. "Although with that high-pitched voice you do sound a bit like Ensign Hardy."

    "In case you didn't notice, there's a BIG difference between me and Ensign Hardy!" Trish leaned waaaayyyy over the bar, her tiny top in Christian's face.

    "Yeah, your hair isn't eight thousand different colors." Edge shook his head. "Let's get a manicure brother. This barkeep is totally wack!"

    "If you weren't a guy I'd say you had PMS!" Christian skipped off, looking miffed.

    "Commander McMahon?"

    "Dammit!" Shane nearly jumped out of his own skin. Sometimes the Chosen One appeared as swiftly and silently as a ghost. "What do you want?"

    "Captain Russo would like to see you in Holodeck-9." Jarrett said coldly. "To go over the plans for the Titanprize when we reach the Milky Way."

    "Why the Holodeck?" Lita demanded. "Strange place for a tactical meeting if you ask me."

    "Fortunately I didn't ask you sweetheart." The Chosen One moved like a ghost but had the smile of a ghoul. "I think Russo would like to perform simulations of the final explosion to make sure nothing goes wrong. He hates when things get messed up-weapons don't work, people get out of line, ensigns escape their stasis chambers...."

    Shane paled. "I don't think Lita and I have time-"

    "Make time."

    The phaser being jabbed into his spine told Commander McMahon he suddenly had all the time in the world....

ENGINEERING

    Okay, so she'd lied to Chris. It wouldn't have been the first time.

    Stephanie couldn't sleep, couldn't stay in that bed while he just felt... nothing.

    "Commander?"

    She whipped her head around, looking for the mysterious whisperer. There was no warm body to match to the voice, only the horrible thought that she might be going crazy again.

    Seeing things, hearing things. "Who's there?"

    "Me. Matt."

    "Oh." She sighed with relief. "Where's the other one?"

    "Taking a nap in the Jeffries tubes." Being in stasis must've been a real treat compared to whatever the heck Stephanie was going through-her long dark hair was unkempt and she was working in her pajamas, the glow of the warp core doing nothing to pretty up her washed out complexion. "Lt Commander Jericho's emotion chip huh?"

    Matt had seen the data scrolling across her monitor. Stephanie just nodded.

    "What happened?"

    "What happened to your eye?" Stephanie shot back. She'd waited soooo long to ask him what he'd discovered while studying Jericho's feelings and now......it made her too nervous. She was genuinely afraid to learn the truth.

    "Oh these two Galaxy Beat rejects whooped me and Jeff." Ensign Hardy said bluntly. "These things ain't easy to build you know."

    "Then you've arrived in the nick of time." Stephanie handed him a lazer scalpel. "Though I could use the password to your top secret research."

    "Sorry." Matt shook his head. "I promised Chris."

    Stephanie scowled. She was his superior officer! Heck, she was Jericho's superior officer as well! Matt's loyalties were pretty darn misplaced right now!

    "Wait a minute!" Her face lit up and her fingers began dancing over the computer. "L-I-T-A!"

    "Hey!" Matt was blushing furiously as he wrenched her wrist away and blanked out the screen. "Hmmm...let me just try something here. J-E-R-I-C-H-"

    "Alright!" Stephanie snapped, smacking him on the hand. "You just keep your big mouth shut and I'll do the same!"

    "Does Jericho know what you're doing?"

    "No." Stephanie shook her head. "Isn't it dangerous for you to be out here?"

    "We're on a ship full of Nytron." Matt shrugged. "It's dangerous for everyone."

    Stephanie couldn't argue with that. She quietly watched the young Aerialian work, relaxing for the first time in weeks. After all, she was pretty sure that Matt Hardy was one of the rare people aboard who wasn't interested in murdering her....

    "You know..." Matt said slowly. "We could rig this thing so Chris wouldn't have certain... feelings. So that he wouldn't be as emotional, if you get what I'm saying."

    Stephanie tried to look him in the eye, found that she couldn't. "It doesn't matter to me what he feels! And it wouldn't be fair to take away his choices. "

    "True."

    "Ummm Matt." Stephanie lowered her voice. "Would you do me a little favor? Do you have a tri-corder?"

    "Uh-huh." He unholstered the device and handed it to her. "Stole it from a storage bay. Couldn't find any weapons that weren't locked down for some reason."

    Stephanie smiled faintly. "I can't imagine why. Look....this is gonna sound sort of weird, but....I need you to look under my shirt."

    Matt's eye darted back and forth, looking either for Edge and Christian or the punchline to this little joke. "I know you probably missed me and all but-"

    "I'm not trying to get to third base with you, Matt." Stephanie sighed impatiently. "I think Dr. Piro put something in me, experimented with me somehow. He left this scar..."

    "Oh geez Commander!" He looked away quickly.

    "I'm not flashing you, idiot!" Stephanie was tempted to hit him. Damn naive little Hardyz! "Don't tell me you've never seen what's under a woman's shirt before."

    "Of course I have." Matt retorted. "I'm not Jeff! Hmm that's interesting."

    Stephanie had been marked, a cruel red V carved into her delicate flesh. When Dr. Piro sliced someone open and left his signature, there was no doubting that a nightmare was soon to follow....

    "What is it?"

    "I don't know." Matt tried to keep his expression neutral. Her voice had an edge of hysteria to it. "It's not medical that's for damn sure. All I can tell is that you've got something like... the tri-corder isn't calibrated to read an energy source like this."

    "Geez Ensign-most guys use their hands for that."

    "Damn." Of course! How typical! Whenever Jeff came to Stephanie's rescue it was always in some spectacular blaze of glory, and when Matt did it? He got caught with his nose up his commander's shirt!

    "Trish?" Stephanie frowned. "What the hell are you doing in Engineering? This is off limits to non-official personnel!"

    "My, my, my." Trish smiled sweetly at Matt. "I've got a better pair if you're interested."

    "He's an engineer." Stephanie said dryly. "He's seen silicon before."

    "What the hell is going on?" Hunter emerged from the shadows, his blonde hair far more sweaty than Stephanie would've liked. "Isn't that idiot supposed to be dead?"

    "He's alive enough to grope your wife!" Trish sang out merrily.

    "Just why are you walking around the ship with a mere waitress so late at night?"  Stephanie asked snidely, stepping in front of Matt and most importantly, the work on Jericho's emotion chip.

    "I was escorting her back to her quarters." Hunter said defensively. "She's being stalked by that fat bastard Ensign Nash. You want me to stand by while she gets violated by Nytron scum?"

    Stephanie felt her eyes go wet. She'd been the subject of god knew what kind of experiment at the hands of that mad scientist Dr. Piro and where had her darling husband been? Yet he was so freaking worried about Trish getting assaulted by some Nytron goofball?

    "It's not like you need him Stephie." Trish cooed, sliding her arm through Hunter's. "You've got ol' Hot Hands Hardy as your guardian angel. Silly boy, I didn't know you made enough credits to afford her rates!"

    Stephanie gasped. "He was helping me!"

    "Dr. Piro has been tampering with your wife-"

    "Sure Matt." Trish winked at him. "Hunter knows all about playing doctor!"

    "Slut!" Matt had to admit he was pretty impressed by Stephanie's kick to Trish's stocky little shins polished off by a sweet snapmare takedown. The technical beauty of the battle sort of went downhill when she begin scratching at the blonde vixen's eyes.

    "Alright! Now this is what I call stimulating!" Triple H nudged the young ensign and grinned.

    "Stimulating?" Matt's mouth fell open. "What the hell is wrong with you? Come off it Commander." He dragged Stephanie away from the catfight, grimacing as she triumphantly waved a fistful of golden locks in the air. "We're working remember?"

    "How could you stop that?" Hunter glowered at Ensign Hardy. "We'll talk about this later Steph! Especially the part where you give hands-on training to the patron saint of virgins."

    "Can't call Matt that anymore!" Stephanie's eyes spit fire as her husband and poor little Trishy slimed their way out of Engineering. "He'll probably kick your ass later-sorry."

    "Oh well." Matt sighed and returned his focus to the emotion chip in front him. "What's one more ass-kicking that I didn't ask for?"

HOLODECK-9

    "I've always been curious...." Dr. Piro was in his element, gaunt features looking almost skeletal in the sickly yellow light of the holodeck, an eerie glow shining from the cavernous depths of sunken eyes. "How much pain can an Aerialian stand before she passes out?"

    "Wouldn't it be more fun to torture Vinnie Mac's son?" Shane was being cooked alive in his own sweat. Lita was strapped to a stainless steel autopsy table, an IV crudely thrust into her arm, blackened blood pooling in a bruise around the needle's point of entry.

    She hadn't screamed yet. But if the knives and live wires on the cold metal tray were any indication, it wouldn't be long before she begged for death. Shane knew from the way his stomach was churning that he didn't have the grapefruits to watch this.

    Jarrett's phaser pointed at his head said he'd keep his eyes wide open or die.

    "I mean, I'm the one who betrayed Russo." Shane's heart thumped wildly as Piro pushed a hypospray deep into Lita's neck, rousing her from sleep. She groaned. "I made him look like a complete jack-ass! He loved me like a son and I was gonna stick a knife in his back!"

    "I've manufactured an intriguing new Nytron drug." Piro was filling another hypospray, almost falling into a trance as he followed the flow of liquid. "No matter how much pain the mind endures, the cells that instruct the brain to shut down won't allow escape. Lita will feel as she's never felt before..."

    "No...." His knees were wobbling, threatening to give.....

    "No?" Piro laughed softly. "I hope you don't have delicate ears Commander. The screaming can get quite out of hand."

    For once maybe being a wuss will come in handy! Shane hit the floor knees-first and went into a full blown fit of violent dry heaves

    "Damn you slapnuts!" Jarrett knelt over him. Perfect! A good old-fashioned low blow beat a phaser anyday!

    "Amateur!" Piro spat on the floor. Did all doctors do that? Shane wondered as he tackled the startled Vamp to the ground.

    Commander McMahon knew immediately that he'd underestimated the phantom doctor-Vamp may have looked like death warmed over, but he was wiry, strong, and lightning-quick, his fist landing a sharp blow to Shane's kidneys and knocking all his wind free.

    "The phaser!" Lita croaked out.

    Shane snatched the phaser off the floor and fired it into Piro's chest before the doctor was able to drive a scalpel deep into McMahon's heart. Gasping for breath, Shane crawled over to the bed and untied Lita.

    "Free at last, Red."

    "I'm impressed." Lita told him. "Are you alright Shane?"

    "Sure." Why did his legs feel so heavy? Granted, Vamp had struck a pretty mean blow to his gut and cut off his air supply off for a few seconds but-"Whoa." The room tilted 180 degrees, violently. And why did it feel so cold?

    "Oh my god Shane." Lita looked down at the floor.

    There was a river of crimson at his feet, gushing across the holodeck....

    "Well, it won't be hard for Double J to find me!" Shane said with a grim smile as he leaned against the wall in the corridor, trying to absorb what little oxygen his lungs would take. Sickbay might as well have been light years away at the rate they were moving.

    "Come on." Lita ignored the sticky trail of liquid that mapped out their location in radiant red. Shane's body was pumping out a steady stream of arterial blood, meaning that time was not a luxury he could afford. "I can't believe you're taking a break from getting a cheap feel!"

    "Ha ha." Shane laughed weakly. "Since I'm gonna go to the big Captain's Chair in the sky, how about a little kiss good-bye?"

    "Are you insane?" Lita cried out. "You'll die if we don't hurry!"

    "I'll hurry when you kiss me."

    Lita scowled. "Typical McMahon-always trying to manipulate right up until the end!"

    "I think I see a white light..."

    "I hate you." He was dying. No one would know if she didn't say anything. Deep breath, eyes closed, lips against Shane's....

    "Gosh Lita. I don't mind if you mess around after I'm dead, but with the guy who killed me? I'm not sure, but I think that's just plain bad manners!"

    "Jeff!" Lita almost forgot to keep Shane propped up. She returned her hand to the wound to keep more blood from spilling out. "He's been stabbed. I need help getting him to Sickbay."

    "He tried to ice us with a sabotaged shuttle." Matt said coldly.

    "I'm just so disillusioned." Jeff shook his head. "First I hear this one is trying to feel Steph up with a tri-corder in Engineering and now my girlfriend is tasting weasel. I'm telling you, it doesn't pay to fake your own death anymore."

    "You touched my sister?" Shane tried to lunge at Matt, but Lita kept him firmly restrained. The intoxicating kiss had worn off, the deep slash in his side burning like it was on fire. "I'll crush you like a bug!"

    "God! I was trying to help Stephanie!" Matt just shook his head. It never mattered what he said in his own defense. He was going to forever be known as the ensign who got some from his skanky Commander. "We'll get Dr. Taker and bring him here okay? Shane shouldn't be moved in that condition."

    "Please." Jeff turned his back on them. "Feel free to resume liplock."

    "Jeff!" Lita sighed, gazed imploringly at Matt. "Talk to him?"

    Matt looked at Lita. He looked at Shane. Then he had the gall to walk away.

THE SMACKDOWN

    "Don't even." Stephanie held a hand up to ward off any apologies that might have been forthcoming from Hunter's lips.

    "Come on Steph!" Triple H nudged a bouqet of white roses towards her, his smile as innocent as he could get it. "It's not like I really wanted to take Trish back to her quarters. Tori asked me, as a favor. I would've done it for any of the waitresses. It was gentlemanly."

    "Oh and you're so famous for being a gentleman." Stephanie said scornfully, ignoring the peace offering as she sipped her strawberry malt. "I'm not in the mood for this crap Hunter. I'm worried about Shane."

    Shane was in serious condition, having drained half his blood all over the Titanprize before Dr. Taker had dragged his "no-good, spoiled little rich boy punk ass" into Sickbay.

    "Yeah right." Hunter sneered. "Just a couple days ago you wanted to toss your cookies at the sight of him. I think it's just that you know your reaction was totally uncalled for!"

    "Yeah I guess." Stephanie oozed sarcasm. "Silly of me to get so excited after catching you all sweaty and breathless while escorting a blonde bombshell around the ship after dark. I'm soooo paranoid!"

    Hunter was strangling the flower stems with an angry fist. "Where do you get off? I find you holding hands with that jerk Jericho one night and then letting Matt Hardy have a peek at the promised land not long after that and you're all over me? I was just being noble and seeing a lady safely home."

    "I thought you saw Trish home." Stephanie said sweetly. The last thing she needed was some marital discord to complicate her life even further! Russo had cracked down on the Titanprize crew after the Hardyz unfortunate early release at the hands of Edge and Christian and Shane's startling betrayal. Sadly, more people were more stunned that big brother had sold Russo up the river than about his "treason" against Wrestlefleet.

    "Oh-bad timing." Matt spun on his heel, ready to run. The weight of a sensor bracelet reminded him he wouldn't exactly make a speedy escape. Russo had snapped one on his ankle with the warning that its removal or stepping out of bounds would be equal to instant death. Jeff had almost caused them to both eat plasma when he'd asked for a sensor bracelet that changed colors with his hair. "I'll just come back later."

    "Oh no." Hunter held up his hands apologetically. "Hey, you and my lovely bride got a date, I don't wanna cut in. Enjoy."

    "Oh grow up!" Stephanie exclaimed, throwing the flowers at his retreating back. "Why did I marry him?"

    Because you didn't happen to meet Jericho first? Matt thought. "I guess you love him."

    "I guess." Funny, it didn't feel like love burning in her veins as she watched him cozy up to the bar and order a beer from Trish. When was the last time he'd smiled at her that way? "So, you got it?"

    Matt nodded. "Since there's no way to get back into Engineering at night....well I had to let Jeff help me finish it."

    "Jeff?" Stephanie groaned, staring with dread at the tiny sliver of metal in Matt's palm. "Do you realize-"

    "I know my brother." Matt assured her. "Believe me, I didn't even blink when he was touching it."

    "If Jericho does anything weird, I'll kick Jeff's ass." Stephanie told him, pocketing the emotion chip in one fluid motion.

    "Get in line, Commander." Matt still got the occasional twinge in his poorly healed rib, which Edge had so generously broken for him. Maybe he should've let Dr. Taker tend to it, but the dead man had other far more pressing issues...."Of course, maybe we should specially tweak that chip to punish Jericho for influencing Jeff so much."

    Stephanie laughed, though her heart wasn't in it. "Should I even give it to Chris? He doesn't seem to want it."

    "Up to you." Matt frowned as the glitter of gold temporarily blinded him.

    "Greetings!" Kurt Angle smiled brightly. "Your Olympic Ensign was wondering Commander McMahon-Helmsley....since your groom appears to be occupied with the attentions of a buxom and charming bartender and if you're not too busy sullying the innocence of Matthew Hardy-"

    "You're from Earth, Ensign Angle." Stephanie sighed. "Speak English."

    "I am." Kurt shook off the confusion. "May I have the honor of a dance?"

    "What the hell?" Stephanie shrugged. Hunter was slumming, Jericho was forced to work 24 hour shifts in Engineering since he didn't need sleep....

    At least someone on this ship had the desire and the time to give her!