SEASON FIVE

EPISODE 6: DO ANDROIDS WISH FOR ELECTRIC HEARTS?

By: Elektra

 SPACE: THE FINAL FRONTIER. THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE WWF TITANPRIZE. IT'S MISSION: TO EXPLORE AND ENTERTAIN NEW SOCIETIES AND NEW CIVILIZATIONS.  TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO WRESTLER HAS GONE BEFORE!

TITANPRIZE CREW:

Captain Vincent K. McMahon
First Officer, Commander Shane McMahon
Chief Engineer, Commander Stephanie McMahon
Chief of Chiefs, Commander Linda McMahon
Chief of Security, Commander Kane
Chief Medical Officer, Dr. Taker
Diagnostics Officer, Lieutenant Commander Jericho
Tactical Officer, Lieutenant Commander Austin
Transporter Chief, Lieutenant Commander Debra McMichael
Communications Officer, Lieutenant Rock
Counselor Al Snow (assisted by H.E.A.D.)

... And many more!
 

WWF TITANPRIZE-CAPTAIN'S READY ROOM

   "Captain's log, stardate 063020.00. We are in orbit around Planet Caly-Fornea. I have allowed the crew some R and R time before our next stop. It seems the local bars are most popular right now... and some of my crew..." he paused, and looked at the duty roster, "Ok... MOST of my crew are making the best of their time off. The Titanprize is currently running on a Jobber crew. End log..."

*    *    *

PLANET CALY-FORNEA - THE PALM-TREE BAR

    Lt. Commander Jericho and Chyna stared fiercely at each other over the table. Their hands locked together. The crew gathered around to watch. Ensign Crash and Ensign Guerrero stood behind Chyna, and Ensigns Lita, Matt, and Lt. Jeff stood behind the Y2J Unit.
 

    "Why do you even bother, Chyna?" Jericho asked, "You have never beaten me at arm wrestling, and you never eeeeeeeeever will!"

    "We'll just see about that, Chris!" Chyna said.

    Terri held their interlocked hands still, then spoke, "Ok. On three. 1... 2 ... 3!!" She let go of their hands, and the arm wrestling match began.

    The match lasted longer then the previous ones Chyna and Jericho had had and it caught the Y2J Unit by surprise.

    Defeating Chyna was actually CHALLENGING this time! In the end, however, his android strength won out, and his Aerialian friends cheered.

    "Damn!" Chyna muttered, and rubbed her sore arm, then smiled and held out her hand, "Nice match, Chris!" she said.

    He shook her outstretched hand, "You too! Have you been working out?"

    Chyna furrowed her brow, "Not any more then usual. Why?"

    Jericho shrugged, "I could have sworn you've gotten stronger! You were actually a challenge this time!"

    Chyna smiled, "Thanks. I'll take that as a compliment!"

    "Good!" he said.

    "Hey, Chris," Lt. Jeff started, "Matt, Lita, and I are going to hang out with Ensigns Grandmaster and Scotty for a bit. See you back on the ship...!"

    Jericho waved as the three Aerialians headed off. Crash and Eddie grabbed a few seats and sat with the Y2J Unit and Chyna.

    Something caught Eddie's eye, "Ey... don't look now... but it's Ensign Loco..." he whispered.

   Jericho turned to see Triple H walk in. The two exchanged unpleasant looks, and Triple H joined his wife at a table on the other side of the room.

    "We should do something about him," Chyna said, her voice low so others wouldn't hear her.

    "Do what though, Miss Chyna?" Ensign Crash replied quietly, "He's Captain McMahon sir's son-in-law!"

    "But... after what he did back on Kanata..." Chyna said.

    "It doesn't matter..." Jericho replied. "We can't exactly go up to Vince and say 'hey, your son-in-law tried to blow our heads off', can we? Hunter would deny it, and Skankanie would, of course, stand by her man! Who's daddy going to believe? US, or his daughter and her hubby?"

    Chyna sighed, "Good point... but... geez, Chris! If you and Crash hadn't dodged those phaser shots---"

    "I know," he said.

    Suddenly their conversation was interrupted by a loud angry voice from the bar, "That's OUR beer, TUBBY!"

    Jericho's table looked to see Lieutenants Bradshaw and Farooq about to come to blows with a local over a pitcher of beer the man had claimed for his own.

    "This is MY brew!" the man replied, "You want some, get it your damn selves!"

    "WE DID!" Farooq snapped.

    The man then took a drunken swing at Bradshaw, who returned in kind. Before long, all hell broke loose. Several hot-tempered members of the Titanprize began brawling with the locals.

    Chairs began flying. One particular chair flew at Triple H and Stephanie, knocking the Chief Engineer out of her chair and flat on her back, a red bump shining for all to see.

    Triple H jumped to his feet angrily and attacked the man who threw the chair as his wife lay semi-conscious on the floor.

    Bradshaw was tossed into a poorly made pillar. It quickly broke in two from the weight. Luckily, Bradshaw got out of the way before it began to buckle.

    "DAMN!" Jericho said as plaster fell from the roof and a beam attached to the pillar came lose. He quickly jumped up to stop both from falling on Ensign Godfather's female associates, "Get out of the way! I can't hold this thing forever!"

    The ladies screamed and quickly ran out of the bar.

    Lt. Commander Jericho felt the load ease, and he turned to see Chyna holding part of the pillar. He blinked. The pillar weighed at least a ton! HE could lift it… but how could CHYNA?

    "Take your own advice, Chris!" she said, "And let's BOTH get out of the way!"

    "But..."

    "I can hold it! You get out of the way first, then pull ME out so we can let it fall!"

    Jericho quickly ducked out from under the pillar. Chyna let go of it, and he pulled her out before it collapsed completely.

    Both stood a few feet away looking at where they had almost been squished. Jericho turned to Chyna, "How did you do that?! WHEN did you get so strong?!"

    "I..." Chyna stopped, confused, "I really don't know!"

*    *    *

ENGINEERING - THE NEXT DAY

    Commander Stephanie McMahon held a hand to the large bump on her head. Pain seared through her skull. She had taken quite a hit when the chair had been thrown at her.

    "You're looking pastier then usual, Skankanie," Lt. Commander Jericho said.

    "I'm FINE!" she snapped, then winced. Why did her head hurt so much?

    "Maybe you should go see Dr. Taker. That bump is quite ugly, much like your personality," Jericho said.

    "I am NOT going to see Dr. Taker!" she shouted quickly, then became a bit shaky on her feet. Lt. Commander Jericho looked at her, raising his eyebrows, "I told you I'm fine!" she snapped "I..." she stopped. Why was Engineering suddenly spinning out of control?

    Her vision became blurry, and no amount of blinking cleared it. She tried to take a step... and found herself falling.

    "Commander!" a female voice shouted.

    All Stephanie saw was a flash of red hair as dainty arms quickly caught her.

    "Lt. Commander Jericho to sickbay, " she heard the Y2J Unit speak, "Get ready to accept a patient..."

    Then, all went black.

*    *    *

SICKBAY

    Stephanie's eyes fluttered open, only to see Dr. Taker staring down at her. She jumped and almost fell off the diagnostics table, but the doctor steadied her with a cold, strong hand, "Stay!" he commanded. That was all he needed to say. One word. She obeyed.

    "What happened?" Commander Stephanie asked meekly.

    "You received a concussion from the chair during the barroom brawl..." the doctor replied, then looked across the room. "Take her to her quarters and watch her for the next few hours..."

    "I can't," that was Ensign Lita's voice, "I'm still on duty! It's bad enough I had to carry her heavy ass all the way HERE!"

    "I heard that, Ensign!" Stephanie replied, her voice quiet as her head still swimmed.

    "Umm... er... sorry, Commander McMahon-Helmsley..." Ensign Lita said. Stephanie turned to look at her. She was standing beside Lt. Commander Jericho, who had been snickering quietly at Lita’s 'heavy ass' comment. It gave Stephanie great pleasure to see that Lita's face was now the colour of her hair. Lita turned to Lt. Commander Jericho, "I'll catch you guys at the Smackdown later, Chris... see you." she said, and quickly headed out of sickbay.

    "You let inferior officers call you by your first name, Lt. Commander?" Stephanie asked.

    "I let my friends call me by my first name, yes. But then, you wouldn't know much about having friends, would you, Skankanie,"

    "If you two are quite done your insult match," Dr. Taker spoke, "Someone must take the Commander home and stay with her to make sure she does not hurt herself and aggravate her concussion. She will be dizzy for a while and---"

    "and...." Jericho interrupted, "Where's Hunter? Shouldn't he be here?"

    "I paged him three times. He claimed he was unavailable," Dr. Taker looked at Jericho, and Jericho didn't like it.

    "No way!" Jericho said. "I'm not going to be Skankanie's babysitter!"

    "Are you off duty now?" Dr. Taker asked.

    "Yes! And I'm meeting Crash, Chyna, and Eddie at The SMACKDOWN,"

    "Your plans have been cancelled," Dr. Taker replied, and handed Jericho a hypospray, "Use this if you see she is in a lot of pain. Otherwise, let her sleep lightly, waking her up every half-an-hour to make sure she doesn't lose consciousness completely,"

    "But...!"

    "DO IT!" Dr. Taker commanded.

    Jericho dared not challenge him, "Fine," he agreed reluctantly, and held a hand out to help Stephanie off the diagnostic's bed.

    She slapped his hand away, "I can get up myself!" she snapped, then held her head again. "Where's Hunter! He can take care of me..."

    "Oh yeah... he's coming through the door right now..." Jericho replied sarcastically, "Now move it, or lose it, Stephie!" he snapped, and all but dragged her to her quarters.

*    *    *

THE SMACKDOWN

    "Hey guys," Jericho's voice came through Ensign Guerrero's comm link, "Looks like I'm stuck babysitting the wench from hell..." he said, and informed them of Stephanie's concussion.

    "Where's Hunter?" Chyna asked.

    "Too busy to tend to his wife, apparently," Jericho replied.

    "Darn. That's not nice!" Ensign Crash said. "And here we wanted to talk about what happened on Kanata... especially Miss Chyna's new found strength!"

    "You think it's connected?" Jericho asked through the comm.

    "Call me a dreamer..." Chyna said, "But I think Crash's wish... about everyone getting their heart's desire... is coming true! I mean... Crash said he just measured himself and was about two inches taller! And me... well... I've always wanted to be super-strong..."

    "How big did you want to grow, Crash?" Eddie asked.

    "Um... only about two inches. I don't need to grow THAT much! I'm a super-heavyweight, remember?" Crash replied.

    "Well..." Jericho's voice again, "We know Chyna definitely got HER wish," he said.

    "I wonder what Miss Stephanie's heart's desire is?" Crash asked.

    "Probably to make my life a living hell for the rest of eternity!" Jericho replied.

    "What about you, Chris? Have YOU noticed anything?" Eddie asked, "About your heart's desire, I mean?"

    Lt. Commander Jericho let out a small laugh, "It's hard to have a heart's desire when you have wires in place of an actual heart..."

    "You know what we mean, Mr. Chris sir, " Crash said "There must be SOMETHING you want in this world! Something more then anything else!" Crash said.

    "Well..." Jericho started, "If I was to make one wish... it would be --" a voice interrupted him. A painful moaning. "Damn... I gotta tend to the princess here. I'll meet up with you guys as soon as Skankanie's husband finds it in his OWN heart to get his ass to his quarters and take care of his wife," With that, Jericho cut the comm link.

    "Poor Mr. Chris sir!" Crash said, "He's stuck taking care of Miss Stephanie... and she probably won't even thank him either!"

    Chyna nodded in sympathy, "Still..." she said, "I was hoping to find out what his heart's desire was!" she shrugged, "What do androids wish for anyway?"

*    *    *

McMAHON-HELMSLEY QUARTERS

    "Go away!" Stephanie muttered from her bed as the Y2J Unit sat on the end of it, cutting his conversation, "I'll be fine!"

    "Dr. Taker told me to babysit you," he replied, unhappy to say the least, "And I for one do NOT want to piss him off!"

    Stephanie sat up and put her feet over the side of the bed.

    Jericho quickly grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back against the pillows, "You are to STAY in bed! Doctor's orders! Besides... you should be used to spending all day on your back..."

    "SHUT UP!" Stephanie snapped angrily, and shoved him away as she sat up again.

    She then quickly regretted her action as a wave of nausea swept over her, and Lt. Commander Jericho's uniform tunic was soon decorated with her breakfast.

    The Y2J Unit jumped back, repulsed, "Oh .... just great! This is disgusting even for YOU!" he said, "If I had a stomach, I'D be sick!"

    Stephanie lay back down, groaning, "Sorry..." she whispered, embarrassed.

    She was apologizing. Well.... she DID have a head injury...

    The Y2J Unit stood up, "I'll be back in a few minutes," he said, and headed into the washroom, locking the door behind him. He took his soiled shirt off and tossed it down the disposal shoot. He would have some time before he had to check on Stephanie again, as per Dr. Taker's orders. He quickly jumped into the shower to clean off Stephanie's mess.

    He would never forgive Dr. Taker for this. EVER!

*    *    *

THE SMACKDOWN

    "Did you hear what the others were saying, brother?" Ensign Edge asked as he listened carefully to the chatter at the table a few feet away from him, "We may just get our magazine cover, thanks to the little guy's wish!"

    "Do you think so, Edge? That would be SO the bomb!" Christian said.

    "Ensign Edge, Ensign Christian..." Lt. Rock's voice came through the comm, "there's a private subspace message coming for your candy asses. The Rock is routing it to console 3 in the Smackdown. It's from some roody poo magazine called Galaxy Beat,"

    Edge and Christian looked at each other, then both nearly knocked the other over as they ran to console 3 to get their message.

    When the blonde brothers finally received the call and finished their conversation, it was a miracle all of The Smackdown wasn't blinded by their extra-bright smiles.

*    *    *

McMAHON-HELMSLEY QUARTERS

    Stephanie crawled out of bed slowly. She stood unsteadily, looking around her quarters. She was so dizzy and everything was so blurry!

    Where was Hunter?

    A sudden sharp pain pounded her head. She closed her eyes for a moment, and felt her knees buckle.

    Someone quickly caught her, sweeping her off her feet -- quite literally.

    Stephanie opened her blurry eyes to find she was currently being carried by someone. She couldn't make out his face, "HUNTER!" she said happily, then reached up and ran her hands through his long, wet hair...

    WET hair?

    She looked at the bare arms that carried her, and noticed his entire upper torso was wet. She furrowed her brow. Why was Hunter wet? And why was he only wearing his uniform bottoms? Had he come in and taken a shower while she had been drifting in and out of sleep?

    Strange... the last person she recalled going into the washroom was....

    "JERICHO!" she shouted, and began to flail her arms and legs, trying to get out of his grasp, "Let me go, you pervert!!"

    "PERVERT?!" Lt. Commander Jericho snapped, "YOU'RE the last one to talk about being perverted, Skananie! YOU were the one playing touchy-feely with me just now! What's wrong? Puking on my uniform didn't disgust me enough for your liking?!"

    "Put me down!" she demanded.

    "As soon as you stop flailing like a fish out of water!" he replied, and tightened his arms around her to keep from dropping her.

    Stephanie stopped struggling, and pouted, "I thought you were Hunter..." she said quietly.

    "Apparently!" he replied, "Sorry to burst your bubble, Stephie, but your loving husband is too busy pursuing his goals to take an afternoon off to tend to his injured wife!"

    Stephanie looked up at him, and frowned. He had yet to put her down, "You're dripping on me!" she snapped, "Aren't androids supposed to short-circuit when they get wet or something?"

    The Y2J Unit smirked smugly, "I'm waterproof!" he replied, then noticed she was shivering, "And you're cold..."

    "I'm fine!" she replied.

    "You're SHAKING!" he answered.

    Stephanie quickly looked away from him, finding the room extremely hot all of a sudden.

    Then again, she DID have a concussion...

    Suddenly the doors swooshed open. Jericho looked to see who had entered, "Oh! Hunter! You finally decided to tend to your---"

    "What the hell are you doing, robot?!" Triple H shouted angrily when he saw Jericho carrying Stephanie, "Are you trying to take advantage of an injured woman!"

    "What the hell?!" Jericho replied, "Take advantage of SKANKANIE?!" He then burst out laughing, "That's the funniest thing I've heard all day!"

    "I'll wipe that smug grin off your face, android!" Helmsley snapped, and charged at Lt. Commander Jericho, knocking both the Y2J Unit AND Stephanie to the floor.

    Triple H grabbed Jericho by the hair and threw him against the wall, "You're nothing but a piece of junk that should have seen the scrap heap a long time ago!" he swung a punch at the Y2J Unit, but Jericho caught it. HHH was livid, "How could an artificial piece of crap like YOU have a higher rank then ME?!" he snapped.

    Ensign Helmsley threw another punch,  and Lt. Commander Jericho caught this one as well, squeezing just enough to make Triple H wince, "Maybe that whole rebel thing wasn’t such a good idea after all, Trip," Jericho replied, then spun Hunter around, and pinned his shoulders against the wall, smrking arrogantly, "My rank just pisses you off, doesn't it, Hunter? I have more power on this ship then YOU do, and that just burns you inside!"

    "Son of a bitch!" Triple H sneered.

    Suddenly, a whimper was heard near the bed. Jericho looked to see Stephanie on the floor, clutching her head in agony. He turned back just on time to duck another fist from Triple H.

   "You know, Trip," Jericho started, "If you gave a damn about your wife, you would notice she's currently writhing in pain! Or don't you care?" Jericho wondered why HE even cared.

    Jericho quickly tossed Helmsley across the room, disgusted with the Ensign.

    The Y2J Unit went up to a semi-conscious Stephanie and grabbed the hypospray. He put a calming hand on her face, "Hold still..." he said, and depressed the hypospray into her neck.

    Stephanie's eyelids fluttered, and within moments, she was asleep.

    Before he could pick her up off the floor, Triple H tackled him from behind and proceeded to punch the Y2J Unit repeatedly.

    Lt. Commander Jericho tossed the angry Ensign off him.  Triple H landed a few feet away.

    Jericho went up to Helmsley and threw the hypospray beside him. He glared at the man angrily, "Wake her up every half hour to make sure she's still conscious! If the pain returns, give her a shot. Take her to Dr. Taker tomorrow morning, and if you have any problems---"

    "I can take care of my wife!" Triple H snapped, and grabbed the hypospray beside him, eyes narrowed angrily as he got to his feet.

    "Yeah... you've done a GREAT job of that already!" Jericho replied sarcastically.

    Triple H was ready to lunge once more at the Y2J Unit, but Jericho was too fast for him. He quickly pinned Hunter against the wall again, "DON'T!" Jericho then let go, and Triple H used a rather colourful phrase to describe the Y2J Unit.

    Jericho smirked, "You know, I don't think I've heard the word android used quite that way before," he said, then stepped towards the door, "Enjoy the rest of your day, Trip!"

    With that, he walked out and let the doors swoosh shut behind him.

*    *    *

THE SMACKDOWN

    Jericho sat at a table with Chyna, Eddie, Crash, the Hardys, and Lita.

    "Triple H attacked you?" Lita said, "That jerk! What the hell was HIS problem! YOU were the one taking care of his wife! You think he'd be grateful!"

    "It seems he hates me more then he loves his wife!" Jericho replied.

    Lita shrugged, "Well after all.... can you blame him for not loving Steph? She is the Queen Bi---"

    "LITA!" Jeff interrupted.

    "What?!" Lita replied, "You don't like me insulting your true love?"

    "SHE'S not my true love, Lita...." Lt. Jeff replied quietly, then seemed embarrassed suddenly and quickly walked away.

    Ensign Matt looked at Lita expectantly. She sighed and rolled her eyes, "Ok ok... let's go talk to Mr. Moody and see what his problem is TODAY..." the two headed off.

    "So, Chris..." Chyna said once the three Aerialians were gone, "You never DID tell us what your heart's desire was..."

    Crash, Eddie, and Chyna looked at him, waiting. He shrugged, "I told you... I don't have a heart..."

    Chyna studied him for a moment, "So THAT'S it...!" she said quietly.

    "What's it?" Jericho asked.

    Chyna smiled, "You're the Tin Man, Chris..."

    The Y2J Unit furrowed his brow, "What do you mean?" he asked, not getting the reference.  He would have to look it up later.

    Chyna hugged him kindly, "Believe me, Chris... having one isn't all it's cracked up to be..." she said, then smiled, "I have to get to work. Talk to you guys later..." with that, she grabbed the nearest tray, and headed off to do her waitressing.

    Jericho looked at Eddie and Crash, "Any idea what she was talking about? What Tin Man?"

    The two just smiled, "Try watching a holo of The Wizard Of Oz one day..." Eddie offered.

    "The Wizard of Oz? Never heard of it!"

    "It's one of my favourite twentieth-century movies!" Crash replied, then checked his watch, "Oooh! I gotta get on duty," he said.

    "Yeah, me too. See you tomorrow, Chris!" Eddie replied.

    The two walked off, Crash singing a song, and Eddie snickering....

    When a man's an empty kettle, he should be on his metle... and yet I'm torn apart....
    Just because I'm presumin' that I could be kinda human....  if I only had a heart...