SPACE: THE FINAL FRONTIER. THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE WWF TITANPRIZE. IT'S MISSION: TO EXPLORE AND ENTERTAIN NEW SOCIETIES AND NEW CIVILIZATIONS.  TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO WRESTLER HAS GONE BEFORE!

TITANPRIZE CREW:

Captain Vince McMahon
First Officer, Commander Jericho (Unit Y2J)
Chief Engineer, Commander Stephanie McMahon
Chief of Chiefs, Commander Linda McMahon
Chief of Security, Commander Kane
Chief Medical Officer, Dr. Taker
Tactical Officer, Lieutenant Commander Austin
Transporter Chief, Lieutenant Commander Debra
Communications Officer, Lieutenant Commander Rock
Counselor Al Snow (assisted by H.E.A.D.)

... And many more!

WWF TITANPRIZE - CAPTAIN'S READY ROOM

    "Captain's Log, Stardate 031520.02. Ric Flair has humiliated Vincent Kennedy McMahon for the last damn time! The stunt he pulled at today's senior staff meeting will be the end of his tainted Wrestlefleet career if it's the last thing I do!"

    Stacy Keibler, newly recruited to be Vince's personal assistant, crossed her eight miles of leg and recorded the captain's stream of hate with satisfaction. After all, it was the Nature Boy's creepy crawly son who'd stalked her aboard the WCW Nitro so long ago.

    "See, Flair hid things from me. He witheld life or death information. Well, two can play at the game, and a McMahon only plays it for keeps. Ric may have the coordinates to the original Russo Wormhole and the admiral's permission to open it, but I have a more powerful weapon....the truth."

    Vince had offered Ric nothing less than his unconditional support, had been almost blissful about letting the former Nytron commander hog all the glory of getting the Titanprize home. McMahon's golden rule: keep your friends close....your enemies even closer.

    "The truth is...we pushed this ship too far too fast trying to get her home. The warp core is at its breaking point; the stress on the hull has weakened it to the point of molecular fracturing. My Titanprize can't withstand a trip through an unstable wormhole."

    Stacy's eyes widened. Captain McMahon patted her knee in a....reassuring way.

    "We'll survive, Miss Kiebler. My ship will not. And who will get the blame? The man in charge of the mission."

    Her smile was cruel. "Ric Flair."

WWF TITANPRIZE - PERSONNEL COMMISSIONER REGAL'S READY ROOM

    "Now you take this project and stick it in its proper place!" Regal raged at the two ensigns sitting across from him. "Here's a hint for you Kanatian imbeciles! The sun does NOT shine there!"

    "If I could be serious for a moment, sir..." Lance said gravely. "We have presented mountains of evidence supporting our theory of a Kanatian conspiracy-"

    "You've produced a mountain of toejam!" William snapped. "Now trot out of my office before I eject your bloody arses out a torpedo tube!"

    "You Brits." Christian shook his head in disgust, trying to hold back the tears. "Is it any wonder we Kanatians fled your piddly little country to colonize our own planet? And you'll never forgive us will you? You'll keeping holding us back."

    "The only bloody thing holding Storm back is having the charisma of a door knob." Regal said. "As for you, go suck on your binky and leave me alone! You'll never become a lieutenant turning in this kind of swill."

    The two ensigns departed, muttering under their breath how this rude treatment was just more proof of Wrestlefleet's pervasive prejudice.

    "I dearly hope Kurt Angle wasn't lying about his amazing medical invention." the commissioner sighed, pushing away his cold tea, which Ensign Tajiri promptly reheated. "Better to promote a yank than a subspecies who engages in barbaric sports like ice hockey. Or a lazy Aerialian bumpkin for that matter."

    Tajiri nodded in agreement. Somehow Regal's accent made everything sound so wise.....

    "I wouldn't even be here sorting through this sorry lot of brutally ignorant toerags if Stacy Kiebler hadn't gotten Vince's Viagra-X pumping again." William muttered. "Now I'm not even allowed in his bloody ready room!"

    "Maybe we should wait until we reach Earth?"

    "Bah." Regal waved his assistant off. "I refuse to prolong the misery." He took a delicate sip from his cup. "Never trust a blonde woman, Tajiri. They're nothing but black widows, luring a man in until she's ready for the kill. Blondes......they take and take and take......."

    Ensign Tajiri retreated to the corner, where he resumed filing data crystals. His own true love, Torrie Wilson, was blonde.....and Regal was rarely wrong......

WWF TITANPRIZE - ENGINEERING

    "Don't even think about it girl." With a heavy sigh and a heavier heart, Commander Stephanie McMahon removed the incremental plasma charges from the diagnostics array. Might make Matt a little moody if she vaporized his special project.

    The explosives would upset the fabric of space, re-opening the Russo wormhole. A smaller device, piggybacking on the main detonator, would disperse timed streams of superheated plasma, stabilizing the cosmic tunnel long enough for the Titanprize to escape into Federation space.

    Ensign Hardy's project was actually revolutionary, as it would allow the Federation to keep wormholes open all over the universe. Steph just hoped like hell no one else noticed he was a frickin' genius and appointed him head of Engineering.

    You don't want to go home, cause Daddy thinks you're a big baby and he'll make you stay at headquarters. You won't be able to see Je-

    "Einstein make those?"

    "If you had just a quarter of your brother's brain, you'd be better off, Jeff." Stephanie shoved a padd into his chest,  "And don't think I can't translate Aerialian cuss words either, huckleberry."

    "You're so mean." Jeff collapsed into a chair and looked over the padd. "THIS is the evaluation you're giving Regal? Why don't you just paint the word loser on my forehead?"

    "I'll leave the face painting to you." Steph was sooo not in the mood for any Hardly nonsense today. "Why in the hell aren't you in uniform? Why in the hell did you miss your shift yesterday? What kind of head trip are you on?"

    "I'm working on my special project." he pouted. "Geez, if I knew you were going to be such a hardass about my evaluation, I woulda been here kissing your fat fanny alongside Saint Matthew."

    "It's not as fat as Molly's, is it?"

    "It's not casting its own shadow, if that's what you mean." Ensign Hardy sighed.

    "Pardon me miss, intrepid reporter Gregory Helms at your service!" Commander McMahon jumped back several feet as a data recorder was stuck in her face. "Could you confirm or deny the scurrilous rumors that Ensign Hardy here will receive the coveted promotion due to his previous romantic entanglements with you?"

    "What?"

    "Gregory Helms..." Jeff grabbed him by an earlobe and directed him towards the exit. "You look awfully familiar.....are you the kid Matt and I stuck down a toilet back on Aerialia? Or are you the one we duct taped to a tree?"

    "Er, that was both." Ensign Helms admitted. "But as you can see, I am now a hard working journalist, endeavoring to record an account of the Titanprize's journey through the Russo wormhole and-"

    "Hey! Gregory Helms!" Matt Hardy beamed as he came on his second shift. "I'll be damned. Didn't I once tie your ankles to the back end of Jeff's hovercycle and then he dragged you about ten miles or so?  Hey Steph, I'm gonna be late, ok? We all got some catching up to do."

    "Yeah whatever." Stephanie waved them away. That Helms kid did look familiar, sorta like the dork who ran around Engineering in a green cape....nah....

WWF TITANPRIZE – CAPTAIN’S READY ROOM

    "Captain's log, stardate 031920.02. We shall be at the coordinates for the wormhole soon. My crew is eagerly anticipating their return to WrestleFleet Headquarters. In the meantime, Ensign Kurt Angle shall be recieving a push to Lieutenant. The ceremony will be held in the Smackdown later this week. End log," Captain McMahon closed his log book and headed to the bridge.

    "Ensign Storm, I would like your latest report," Commander Jericho ordered.

    Storm turned to his commanding officer and handed him a padd, "Yes sir. You'll find my latest experiments here," he replied, "I've been collaborating with Ensign Matt Hardy, using his computer expertise to assist me. The Ensign has actually been doing--"

    "Unless it has something to do with your report, I don't care what Ensign Matt Hardy has been doing," Jericho replied shortly.

    A pause, then, "If I may be serious for a moment....  before you went undercover as one of Shane McMahon's lackeys, you were rather close with the Hardy Ensigns. I figured they, of all people, would be generous with the hero worship after your spy work,"

    "You only know half the story, Lance. What's in the ship's data bases fails to detail the personal incidents which happened between your Undisputed First Officer and the Hardy Ensigns. Hell, EVERYONE on this damned ship turned on me!" Jericho replied.

    "Not I, sir," Storm replied, then shrugged, "But I understand that keeping your distance is for the better. It's unprofessional for a First Officer to be friendly with his inferiors. We are merely here to follow your orders, sir,"

    Jericho pat Storm on the back, "Glad you see things MY way,"  With that, Jericho turned on his heel and headed out of the Science lab.

WWF TITANPRIZE - THE SMACKDOWN

    Ensign Crash walked around the Smackdown holding his chocolate milk. It was coming, he could feel it. The change. The time in each Houdinian's life where they grow-up. It was called The Age of Maturity. His birthday was almost upon him. It would begin! Cousin Hardcore had reached HIS Age of Maturity some years ago when he finally stopped showing his child-like interest in racing cars and became meaner. Tougher.

    Finally, it would be Crash's turn! And he was getting some Mattitude assistance as he reached it.

    "Hey, watch where you're going, Crash!" Ensign Jacquie started as Ensign Crash walked into her, splashing his drink on her uniform.

    Crash glared down at her - one of the few crewmembers shorter then himself, "You owe me another chocolate milk!"

    Jacquie's raised an eyebrow, "Excuse me?"

    "You made me spill!" Crash snapped, "So you owe me another glass of milk!"

    "Uh... I don't owe you NOTHING! You were the one who wasn't looking where he was going! And what's with the attitude, kid?"

    "I won't be a kid much longer, Ms. Jacquie," he replied with a scowl. "My birthday is coming up! I've been training under Ensign Matt Hardy to--"

    "Is this supposed to mean something to me?" Jacquie interrupted.

    "Hmpf," Crash replied, nose in the air,  "You'll see. Mattitude is the most important thing you'll EVER encounter!" Crash brushed past her and headed out of the Smackdown.

    Commander Stephanie McMahon glared at the dueling chronometers flashing on her monitor.

    T-Minus 12 hours, 14 minutes, and 33 seconds until launch of incremental plasma charges.

    Time: 1400 Federation Standard Hours.

    In other words, Jeffrey was extremely late, but then he was taking everything to the extreme lately.

    "Granted, he did save my life several times." Steph sighed to herself. "On the other hand, he's become a mouthy, cocky, disrespectful little punk."

    "Mmmmm, you must be referring to Hunter "I wish I had his nose full of nickels", Helmsley!"

    Stephanie jumped up with a start. "Ensign Edge? What are you doing here? You're a pilot."

    "Indeed I am." The Kanatian took her seat, crossing his legs atop her console. "Perhaps the most daring pilot in the known universe and yet......yet.....I was not chosen to zip us through your buddy Russo's charming little wormhole. How did that happen?"

    "I'd ask Ric Flair." She felt a little uneasy, as Edge and his baby brother rarely ever showed their handsome faces on her deck, save to torment the Hardy siblings. "Daddy has no stroke on this one."

    "Oh I think Vinnie Mac does a lot of stroking, my dear." The thousand watt, hundred tooth smile was in full effect. "I bet he had a full on cardiac when Mr. Woooooo sprung his ex-son-in law."

    "H-Hunter's in jail." Stephanie's face paled.  She began pacing.  "He-he tried to kill me. He hit me with the sledgehammer."

    "But you live to do another ensign." Edge said pleasantly. "Is that how one acquires special favors, Stephanie? By crawling in your pants?"

    "Excuse the hell out of me?" There was only ONE blonde Kanatian who got away with that! "Triple H did once fly us out of the volatile Tai'Lor cloud a couple years back. And this wormhole is unstable."

    "Kurt's virginity....." Edge went on. "Did he lose it right before he gained his plum position in Sickbay?"

    "You wanna go through the list of every engisn I've supposedly slept with?" Stephanie leaned against the glowing walls. "I got twelve hours. Make my day."

    He stood up and faced her. "I do feel proud that I WORKED for my fleeting promotion to lieutenant. Poor Jeff had to actually see you naked."

    "Why don't I get out my violin so it can accompany your whining?" Steph suggested. "I think you're lying about the Game, what is it you like to say.....ohhh...Engisn Bitchcakes is it? Daddy would never let him out-never."

    "Check your calendar, babe, never is today. And today, a depraved, self-important dirtbag with a schnozz large enough to orbit the Sun de-pushed me! The helm is MY spot!"

    "Cry me a river, Mighty Mouth! Or better yet, go moan to Hunter yourself! If I had any influence on that jerk's career, I'd strap him to a torpedo and shoot him up-"

    Stephanie's shriek of disgust died before it began against Edge's rather demanding lips. He finally pulled away, smirking as she caught her breath. Why do guys with long blonde hair like kissing me so much?

    "I'll await my special treatment, darling."

    She stood there for a moment, waiting for her own lips to stop tingling. "Well it wasn't as bad as Jeff...speaking of which," The commander tapped her comm badge." Matt, where are you?"

    "Uh, on the Bridge, calibrating the navigational systems. Why?"

    "Go find your brother and drag his worthless ass to Engineering." Stephanie replied. "Tell him to start giving a flying leap about time, and that it just ran out with me."

    Matt sighed. You've done it again, kiddo. "Aye, sir."

    The pain felt like boiling oil being poured directly on exposed nerves, gushing from his shoulder to the tips of his fingernails. The only sound in the hall outside of Engineering was the disconcerting pop of human joints.

    "You impudent little bastard." A voice was hissing in Edge's ear, its owner hidden by the stars flashing before his eyes. "If you ever speak to her like that again, I will rip your tongue out, tie it to your broken arm and drag you the length of this ship, facedown, until sparks are flying off those teeth of yours!"

    Burning salt pricked his eyelids, but Edge forced himself to meet the gaze boring a hole through him. "You were in Science...how did you-"

    "Ultrasonic hearing, dumbass. Maybe I can even hear the bad intentions in your perverse little brain before you act on them. Wanna try me?"

    "If this is what love does to a man, I think I'll go celibate." the ensign groaned.

    "Hard to do when you just screwed yourself, junior." Jericho twisted the boy's arm until he felt the give, heard the crack. "McMahon tells me to look out for his daughter, I do it."

    "Mighty expensive puppet you are."

    Chris smiled. He admired Edge's futile resistance to the agony. "Touch her again, I will amputate this thing in such a manner that even Taker would toss his cookies, we clear?"

    "Aye, sir." For once Edge thanked the Kanatian gods above for the Aerialian genes that prevented him from passing out.......

WWF TITANPRIZE - THE SMACKDOWN

    Kevin Nash wondered who he was fooling anymore. The former Nytron agent watched his synthehol go flat in its frosted glass, preferring his less muddied thoughts to the drunken stupors he usually fell into head first.

    Because he was now a member of Flair's personal security contingent, people took him seriously. People realized he must be capable of things. They had no idea.

    And now, here was Hunter Hearst Helmsley, the Game, threatening to expose him. All because of that spoiled bitch he'd married......

    "Flair only let your ass out of the brig cause you promised to stay away from Stephanie."

    "Slut didn't know I was there." Trip's laugh was harsh. "Neither did her flamer love slave. We Degenerates do know how to make ourselves invisible."

    Nash studied his toothpick carefully, twirling it between his fingers. Problem is, Helmsley, you're starting to believe you're invincible too.  "Just steer the Titanprize through Russo's hellhole. Forget that damned android."

    "The gravitational force from a nearby neutron star almost ripped my face off. I don't ever forget something like that!"

    "Flair needs the Kliq." Kevin said slowly, softly. "The Kliq needs Flair. Jericho is nothing to us."

    Hunter was visibly shaken. It was dangerous to utter the name of the federation's rogue hit squad in mixed company. It's lethal work was legendary among the stars. "The 'bot hates Flair. The 'bot will do anything, anything to protect Vince. He thinks Ric laid down and allowed Russo to take over the Nytrons!"

    "Flair sure as hell did surrender without a fight." Nash agreed. "Cause he knew Russo was a psychopath and a murderer. Because he knew Dr. Piro had the power to torture enemies to death. The Nature Boy kept a lot of blood off his hands by leaving the WCW Nitro to Russo's rebels."

   "Rumor has it Flair also left Jericho in a scrap heap on some Kanatian moon before the takeover." Trip said. "It slimed its way back to the Nitro somehow. Think his calculator brain forgot that? Think Y2J is the same blindly loyal robot he was then? "

    "Shawn risked his life to send us those encrypted orders. Stick to the mission. Do not deviate. Jericho is not worth being executed for treason." Kevin realized it was hopeless. Helmsley would bury Jericho no matter what

COMMANDER JERICHO'S QUARTERS - 19:00h

    Jericho studied himself in the mirror. He was wearing his WrestleFleet dress uniform, as was required for the First Officer when the Captain was presenting a lower ranking officer with a push. Besides, Kurt insisted Jericho be there. Jericho conceeded, if only to shut up the soon-to-be-Lieutenant.

    Jericho sighed as he remembered how the Olympic Ensign had rambled on that he had deserved a push some time ago. Jericho knew that the Ensign's utterly annoying and arrogant personality had been the reason he had not. Angle had, of course, blamed Jeff Hardy for getting the Lieutenant star unfairly, claiming it should have been his. While Jericho had not disagreed to Angle's face, the First Officer knew Jeff had deserved that push. Jericho still wasn't sure what had happened to get the boy demoted.

    And why did he care anyway? It's not like Jeff was his friend any more. No one was his friend. Not anymore. He was the higlight of  this damned ship, and everyone knew it. They were jealous, plain and simple.

    As for Angle's belief that he had some sort of kinship with Jericho, well... it wasn't JERICHO'S fault the man had been following him around like a puppy dog.  Apparently Angle thought that a few games of Kanatian hockey had earned him the right to be the First Officer's buddy.  Jericho couldn't blame the Olympic officer, though. Someone like Angle would, of course, see the benefits in allying himself with the Y2J Unit.

    What did it matter? If something happened to any of them going through the wormhole, he wouldn't care.

    Who needed friends anyway?

THE SMACKDOWN - 20:00h

    Intelligence.....integrity....and an insatiable appetite for licking boot.

    Yes, those were the three I's that had earned former Ensign Kurt Angle his shiny new star.

    Gold medalist, lieutenant, medical savior, virgin...wait no, never mind that last one....role model to children aboard the Titanprize. Really, the list of accolades was embarrassingly long.

    Why even Dr. Taker was here, and he never came to the Smackdown! "Been around a long time, Angle, seen a lot of unspeakable horrors, so I'm jaded to this kind of crap." Angle could translate the doctor's congratulations; the dead man was clearly in awe of his prodigious healing abilities.

    Kurt stood up on a mock medal stand, the American flag spread proudly behind him. The holographic pyros had been a nice, respectful touch on Captain McMahon's part. Now if Vince would just pin the star on him, so he could celebrate with a nice glass of pure white milk...

    "Hey buddy!" Edge said warmly. "Or should I say, Lieutenant Buddy? Does this mean you're a real doctor now? Aw heck, you know what I mean. Just hope you won't forget about us little people."

    Kurt frowned. Wasn't it Edge who had forgotten about him? "Thanks very much, Ensign."

    "Remember the good ol' days, Kurt? The days of Team Eck?"

    "Certainly." Angle replied. "But I do believe the C in Team Eck stands for crybaby now."

    Edge's fingers tightened on the shiny little device in his hands."Er, Christian's evolution into a reekazoid has been rough on all us. You know he practices tantrums in front of the mirror? But I digress. We've grown apart lately, Kurt, and perhaps if we looked at this holo-album together, we might remember what made us pals in the first place."

    Kurt nodded approvingly. Words like digress showed marked intelligence. "We did have some good times. It's true"

    "It is true." Edge fired up the small, padd-like machine in his hands. "All aboard my totally awesome time machine? Cool. Here's when we got our commendation for rescuing the Titanprize from the mind control devices of the U.S.S. Mushnick."

    "Ahhh yes." Angle said. "I did a run in for you guys while Ensign Hardy and Commander Stephanie and that robot tried to eject the warp core. We reeked of awesomeness that day."

    "Utterly chairalicious." Edge agreed. And Kurt was utterly a dork, according to the gleaming letters being projected below him. The crowd erupted into peals of laughter.

    "Golly, I remember this one." Kurt said happily, pointing at another shimmering photo. Also shimmering was the very informative message that Angle had never gotten laid. "You and Ensign Christian taught me the Kanatian sport of hockey."

    "You never did score." Edge said slyly. "Oh here's me and Christian's infamous Halloween film festival.  A night that will live on in evilosity."

    Kurt's face hardened. "You tricked everyone into thinking I wanted Triple H's ass!" Now, of course, the Kanantian was tricking everyone into thinking Angle had no olympic testicles. "Look, he's the one who kept pantsing me as a prank! Why is everyone chuckling at me?"

    Several rows back, Christian's lower lip began to tremble. Where was the coolosity in this? He and his big brother always played cruel humiliating tricks together! Now Edge was showboating and hogging the limelight, AS USUAL!

    Behind Christian, Stephanie McMahon giggled. "Poor Kirk Angel."

    "I wouldn't feel too sorry for him." Jeff said. "I hear he spends hours alone in the bathroom with your x-rays."

    "Better than using holograms of his ex-girlfriend." Matt muttered.

    "Stick it cookie monster." Jeff scowled.

    "You stick it!" big brother snapped back.

    "Why don't you both stick it?" Lita demanded. "I'm getting sick of playing referee."

    "It's your fault." Jeff pouted. "Or maybe it is MY fault. Who can resist a Hardy? We are genetically fabulous creatures who-"

    "My, my, my if it isn't Stephanie and her precious Aerialian entourage." Commander Chris Jericho sneered at the foursome. "If you find Edge's childish joke funny, perhaps your McMahon wit has been shrivelled by close proximity to these yokels."

    "I resent that." Jeff frowned. "We're actually hicks."

    "Scurry back under your rock, Christopher." Stephanie said coldly. "I don't require a social director, especially one with no friends."

    "I could have you scrubbing toilets for that insubordination." Jericho's eyes flashed.

    "Big whoop. When you were in Engineering, I always felt neck deep in sewage."

    "Good god, get a room." Matt said in exasperation.

    "A room for what?" Jericho demanded. "Look, never mind, why am I even wasting time with you opies? Time to enforce some discipline on this tin can."

    Disturbed by Matt's comment, Chris stormed up to Edge. "Thanks for the public service announcement concerning Kurt's anatomical incorrectness, but it's a serious crime to disrespect a superior officer."

    "It's also a serious crime to have a titanium pole wedged that far up your backside, sir."

    "Disrespect?" Angle echoed, eyes searching downword. "What in the H-E-double hockey sticks? No, wait people! I do have-I mean-I got those-I am not lacking in any regards! Stop that! I do not suck! You're all nuts!"

    "Can't say that about yourself, huh Kurt?" Ensign Van Damn called out from the back. The audience roared.

    "First my hand gestures, now my one liners." Jeff said angrily. "Who does that assclown think he is?"

    The chant of "ANGLE SUCKS" was unstoppable. Chris frowned.

    "You have all the maturity of a cadet, if you get my drift, Edgester."

    "Take out your perverse sexual frustrations for Stephanie McMahon on someone else, dude."

    Jericho felt his face grow warm. Am I blushing? And do I need to go at Jeff Hardy's loose lips with a hot glue gun? Why does everyone think-

    The Kanatians hadn't seen the captain approach, but indeed, Vince had overheard. "Excuse me, ensign?"

    "He's slandering your daughter's good name, sir!" Kurt said quickly. "Sullying her precious innocence."

    "Get out, Edge." Vince's voice was menacingly calm. "Before I have Commander Jericho do something I'll regret."

    Edge snarled at the Captain, but didn't protest. That stupid dork Kurt used to be funny, now he was nothing but a yes man and a butt kisser. And Chris Jericho! What an arrogant jack ass he'd evolved into! This wasn't over by a long shot....

    Jericho sat on his bed as he stared at the padd in his hands. An old Earth movie was playing before him. The story was about a puppet who wanted to be a real boy. Jericho stopped it just as the blue fairy was about to grant the puppet his wish.

    Fairy tales didn't amuse him anymore.

    Jericho suddenly felt something shifting in what would have been considered his stomach. The shifting was  followed by a strange sound. A grumbling? Or growling? He listened. Was that the bulkhead? Jericho stood up and put a hand against the cool metal.

    Nothing.

    He felt the strange shifting again, "What the hell?" and the grumbling returned. Jericho put a hand to his stomach, his eyes went wide. THAT'S where it was coming from!  But...  HOW? He knew what it meant to humans, but how could HE be affected by it?

    Regardless, it was happening. And he needed to take care of it!

    Jericho made his way to the replicator, not sure what to ask for. The most he had ever asked from the replicator was a Kanatian brandy. He never had a reason for drinking it, but he had become accustomed to the social habit. So, of course, it was the first thing he asked for. He scowled at his so-called stomach as it made noise once again. "Shut up!" he yelled at it, then turned back to the replicator, "uh... umm..." he tried to think.

    Of all things he had seen his fellow officers consume, what had been the most popular? Among the males, it was.... "Steak. Medium-well," he ordered.

    Jericho took the tray that the replicator had produced and sat at his desk. He picked up the utensils and cut a piece of meat. He studied it, smelled it. He was suprised to find his mouth watering. Yes, he had eaten before for social reasons, but he had never had quite this reaction to food products.

    He finally put the piece in his mouth, finding that he savoured the taste. It was.... in a word .... amazing!

    Jericho continued the same process with the rest of the steak, and his stomach soon quieted.

    He turned to his Kanatian brandy and gulped it down in seconds, only to find himself feeling somewhat dizzy. What was THIS? He remembered what had happened to his fellow crewmembers who drank down a glass too quickly, but it had never affected HIM that way.  The dizziness passed, and he was fine once again.

    Jericho made his way to the replicator and ordered another glass. He drank this one down quickly as well, noting his response. The dizziness returned, but when it faded, he found himself feeling rather lightheaded.  He ordered one more glass, and by the time he finished it, he was laughing for no apparent reason.

    He knew for a fact that Kanatian brandy was powerful. Most humanoids could only take one glass and still remain standing. His fellow Kanatians were able to consume more then others... in moderation. Kanatians knew better then to gulp down Kanatian brandy like water, but that didn't stop him. Was he... TIPSY?

    Impossible! And to prove it, he'd have a fourth glass! And ... a fifth! Yes! Five glasses of Kanatian brandy in less then 30 minutes... and he was fine.... except.... why was the room was suddenly spinning? And why did Jericho suddenly find himself running to the washroom, falling to his knees and leaning over the toilet as his stomach quickly rejected the meal he had just eaten?

    After a few minutes of  'praying to the porcelain goddess' - as he had heard Jeff Hardy once call it while the Ensign suffered one of his own rare binges - Jericho realized there was nothing left for his stomach to reject.

    The Y2J Unit stood up, took a deep breath, and collapsed to the cold linoleum floor, allowing the darkness to wash over him.

CAPTAIN'S READY ROOM  (the next day)

    "Captain's log, stardate 032520.02. We have finally reached the wormhole! It is time to go home! Out of this unchartered quadrant. Out of this limbo we've been travelling for the last year.  The crew is getting ready to celebrate in The Smackdown. It's a 'going home' party. It should be a blast! My personal assistant, Stacy, is planning on dancing for the crew," McMahon smiled to himself. He did so enjoy watching Stacy dance. Now if only he could get her to--

    "Commander Stephanie to Daddy," Stephanie's voice interrupted his thoughts.

    McMahon sighed, "Yes, honey?"

    "We're ready for whatever the wormhole has in store for us down here, daddy," Stephanie said happily, barely containing the excitement in her voice, "I can't wait until we get home! Stephie out!"  she clicked off the comm.

    Captain McMahon turned back to his log, "We'll be home soon. Very soon! Commander Jericho, who sounded a bit worse for wear this morning -- no idea why --  has offered to forego the party and keep watch on the bridge by himself. Which is fine with me. I don't think androids care about parties one way or the other anyway. End log,"

    Jericho sat in the Captain's chair, staring at the wormhole through the titanscreen. He had piped the Bridge speakers into the Smackdown's music program and was hearing whatever music the crew was currently partying to - currently a song called "Earthshine" from the late 20th Century by a Kanatian band called 'Rush'. Well what an appropriate title THAT is, Jericho thought.

    For what seemed like the one-hundreth time, Jericho checked the monitors beside him for any anomolies in the expanding and contracting hole before the ship. They were not to go through it until the time WrestleFleet deemed safe.

    Tomorrow afternoon.

    WrestleFleet would then be prepared to greet them on the other side and tend to any damages that may occur during the trip.

    Jericho leaned back, finding McMahon's chair rather comfortable. Perhaps one day, he would have a chair just like it. He would be a Captain! Such a lofty dream for a computer, he knew. But he was nothing if not motivated. Motivated to prove once and for all that he DID have what it took to be a leader! An UNDISPUTED leader! Nothing would get in the way of that dream!

    Except...

    What good was a dream if there was no one left to share it with?

THE SMACKDOWN

    Ensign Matt smiled at the beaufiul red-head in his arms as the two sat together on a couch in the Smackdown, "It's been a while, hmm?" he asked.

    Ensign Lita smiled as she snuggled against him, gingerly positioning her sore neck, "Yes. I've missed this," she said.

    "Lita..." Matt started, not wanting to break the moment, but needing to know the truth, "What happened with you and Jeff?"

    "Can we not talk about that now, Matt?"

    "No. Please. I want to know,"

    Lita took a deep breath, "Well, you know how I had a crush on him when we were kids?" Matt nodded, and Lita continued, "When we were together as adults, I realized that I had grown up and Jeff was still that sweet little boy from so long ago. I tried to tell myself   'oh he's just being silly. He'll change' but he never did. Jeff is Jeff. He doesn't take anything seriously. Basically, he's an idiot-child. And I don't need an idiot-child," she offered a small smile, "Especially one who still hasn't learned how to kiss a woman,"

    "He's really that bad?" Matt asked.

    "You have NO idea! Just ask Stephanie. She can vouch for it!"

    "Well then, it's about time someone kissed you properly!" Matt replied, and tilted his head towards hers.  Lita smiled, and closed her eyes, savouring the moment as Matt took her breath away.

    Ensign Jeff Hardy frowned as he watched Lita and Matt from a few feet away. His heart dropped. But really, why should he be surprised? He saw it coming. After Lita had dumped him, he had seen Matt and his ex share secret looks, secret touches. They never realized he had grown aware of their relationship.

    Jeff knew Lita had never stopped caring for Matt. Matt was her first 'serious' boyfriend.  And no matter how hard he tried to keep it together, Lita had begun to grow more and more distant from Jeff. When he had proposed to her, it was a last-ditch effort to keep what he knew was slipping away. It was no wonder their wedding ended in disaster. Jeff realized now it wasn't meant to be.

    He sighed and walked away from the two, the stopped, "Steph?" he started as he eyed the Commander leaning against a bulkhead, "You looking for a new career as a wallflower?"

    Stephanie shrugged, "Well, Kurt did ask for an Olympic dance, but something about the man talking about his medals as we danced didn't quite appeal to me,"

    "How about a slow dance with ME then?"

    "Not really in the mood to do much dancing," Stephanie sighed.

    Jeff raised an eyebrow, "Well if YOU won't dance with me, maybe I should just go on stage and join Rikishi and Scotty!"

    Stephanie grabbed his arm, "You do, and I'll never speak to you again! I'll slow dance with you, ok? Just DON'T put us through the torture of watching you skip your little heart out in front of everyone!"

    "Hey, I don't skip!"

    Stephanie rolled her eyes, "Whatever. Here's a slow song. Surely you won't embarrass yourself by just standing and swaying," she pulled him out onto the dance floor and rested her hands on his shoulders.

    "You're not having fun here, are you?" Jeff asked.

    "What? Of course I am!" Stephanie forced a smile, "What makes you think I'm not?"

    "The fact that you're watching couples dance with that forlorn look on your face," Jeff replied with a smile.

    "And what about you, Hardy? You think I didn't notice you staring at them?" she indicated Matt and Lita, currently making out in their little corner of the bar. Jeff said nothing. Stephanie sighed, "Jeff, listen. Things happen. Relationships end! I know from experience,"

    "It hurts," Jeff said.

    "Of course it does. It's called life. Sometimes life sucks," Stephanie replied, then took on a big-sister attitude, "But speaking as one older and wiser,"

    "By two years," he interrupted.

    "Old enough!" Stephanie snapped, "Now shut up, Hardly. I'm trying to give you some words of wisdom here!" Jeff coughed, trying to stifle a laugh. Stephanie frowned, "Do you want to hear what I have to say or not?" she asked.

    Jeff cleared his throat, "Uh... yeah. Sorry, Steph. Go on!"

    Stephanie smiled smugly, "Good! Now as I was saying.... speaking as someone older and wiser, I'll tell you this -- you'll find someone else, and when you do, you'll realize she's the one you've REALLY been waiting for!"

    Jeff offered a small smile, "Or I can just insist I hate them and never admit my true feelings,"

    "What are you talking about?" Stephanie said quickly, if not defensively.

    "You KNOW what I'm talking about! He may be acting like an ass right now, but...."

    "Who?" Stephanie asked innocently.

    Jeff sighed, "He's on the bridge if you want to--"

    "Want to.... what? I don't want anything. Let's just dance, Hardly. And... try not to trip over my feet, ok?"

    Jeff rolled his eyes, but continued to dance. Maybe there was something he could teach his older and wiser commander about admiting one's feelings...

    "Commander Jericho?" A quiet voice spoke as the doors to the bridge swooshed open.

    "Yes, Counselor Snow?" Jericho asked, not bothering to look at the man as he walked onto the bridge.

    "I thought you could use some assistance," Snow replied.

    "Why aren't you at the party, Al?" Jericho questioned as the man sat beside him, holding his H.E.A.D.

    "Too much noise," he smiled. Jericho nodded, knowing the man didn't mean literal noise. The counselor would, of course, be uncomfortable in a crowded room bombarded with the thoughts and feelings of drunk WrestleFleet officers.

    "How do you do it?" Jericho asked the counselor.

    "Pardon?" Snow replied.

    "How do you deal with all those emotions?"

    "Very carefully," Snow smiled, then grew serious, "You're having problems," he said.

    "I've been having some... uncontrollable emotional surges," Jericho explained quickly, coolly. "I suppose it's hanging around all these sentients,"

    "You can't turn your emotions off anymore, can you," Snow said matter-of-factly, "You don't have a chip,"

    Jericho's eyes went wide. How the hell did Snow know THAT? "Did a certain McMahon skank spill her guts to you?" he asked, angry that his confidence had been broken. Why did he tell her in the first place?

    "No," Snow replied,"Stephanie didn't tell me. THEY did," he indicated H.E.A.D.

   Jericho narrowed his eyes,  "You are NOT to tell anyone, Snow! If you do, I will give you an undisputed beating you will never eeeeeeeeeever forget! Do you understand?" he hissed.

    "I won't ask how it happened. I'm sure even YOU can't explain it," Al replied, "I can see how difficult it is for you to adjust. Especially now - when your friends won't even talk to you. When SHE won't talk to you. That's what's affecting you the most, isn't it?" From the look on the Commander's face, Al knew he was correct. Counselor Snow sat back in his chair and sighed, "But  I suppose it's easier for you to sit up here alone on the bridge and not think about it,"

    Jericho studied Counselor Snow with a raised eyebrow,  "What the hell are you going on about, Al?" he asked.

    Snow caught the First Officer's eyes, "These emotions are all part of your wish on Kanata, Commander. You have to accept them as part of you,"

    "Why did you come up here, Snow? I don't need a counselling session!" Jericho snapped, "And what do you know about the incident on Kanata? Have you been hacking into personal logs?" Jericho frowned, "Do I need to report your invasion of privacy to the proper WrestleFleet authorities when we return to Earth?"

    "No sir!" Al said quickly, "I didn't invade ANYTHING, sir! H.E.A.D told me!" he insisted, holding up the object in his hands.

    "Oh really? Then I suppose H..E.A.D. told you that my WISH came true already! It was to be an Undisputed commander!"

    "No it wasn't," Snow replied.

    "Yes it was," Jericho insisted, "And don't claim to know so much about me, jerky!"

    "You're changing," Al said, then leaned towards Jericho, his voice dropping to a whisper, "H.E.A.D. knows why you were late for your duties this morning,"

    "I had a malfunction," Jericho explained.

    "H.E.A.D. says it was a hangover," Snow replied.

    "Tell H.E.A.D. to mind it's own business!" Jericho snapped.  "Androids don't get hangovers!"

    "Androids don't have emotions either," Snow pointed out.

    "Counselor Snow," Jericho interrupted, "If you have nothing helpful to say, would you please SHUT the HELL up?!" he said, then added, "And the only thing I care about is my Undeeee-speeee-uted First Officer's title, junior!"

    "Yes, sir," Snow replied, deciding the matter was best dropped. He turned to the Titanscreen and stared out into the gaping mouth of the wormhole, deciding not to inform his First Officer of the eavesdropper that H.E.A.D. had sensed in the hallway.

    Stephanie put her hands against the partially-opened door in front of her. The conversation she had overheard between Snow and the First Officer had stopped her in her tracks, preventing her from stepping onto the bridge.

    Yeah, Jerk-icho sure did care about his title, didn't he? He even turned on his friends to get it!

    But what had Snow said about Jericho having an hangover? How was that even possible? She would have liked to find out. Maybe she could use it against the arrogant Commander!

    Of course, Stephanie would have also liked to find out why she had been drawn to the Bridge in the first place...

THE BRIDGE (the next day)

    McMahon and Flair looked out the viewscreen at the wormhole that awaited them, "This is it, Vince," Flair started, "This is the way home! Woooo!"

    "May I say it HASN'T been a pleasure working with you, Admiral Flair!" McMahon spat.

    "Hey, Vince, who knows? We may be working together again when we get back to WrestleFleet headquarters.

    "Oh I hope not!" McMahon muttered, then hit the ship-wide comm, "This is your Captain speaking. We have reached the wormhole. We will be going through it shortly. I ask that everyone brace themselves just in case the ride isn't as clean as we've planned," And if it's not clean, the destruction of this ship will be on YOUR head, Admiral!

    After a few minutes, McMahon ordered the ship to slowly make it's way towards the mouth of the wormhole, full impulse. All began smooth enough...

    But no one was prepared for the sudden gravitational force that grabbed the ship, throwing the officers every which way.

    "PULL BACK!" Flair commanded, "Reverse engines! Get us out of here!"

    "Trying!" Commander Stephanie's voice came through the comm, "No luck! The pull is too strong!" The ship lurched violently. An explosion was heard through the comm and was soon replaced by static.

    "Captain Sick Freak - Engineering is taking on massive damage and a possible warp core breach. The Rock's ship is unable to pull away from the wormhole," Lt. Commander Rock informed Captain McMahon.

        Without waiting for the order, Commander Jericho jumped to his feet and ran into the turbolift, "Engineering!" he demanded, "NOW!"

        "We're going in!" Ensign Edge informed McMahon, "And it's so totally NOT gonna be cool!"